Beautiful You
by arwen78
Summary: SSOC Narnia Fairling has come to Hogwarts, leaving the Muggle world she's known behind. She is asked to be the new DADA teacher, only a secret that she has harbored for over a decade threatens to take away the happiness she has found in the magical
1. Narnia

Disclaimer: All characters (minus two original), settings, etc. are credited to their creator, J.K. Rowling. No credit will be taken, but placed where it is due, to Ms. Rowling herself. In addition, while I have read some fan fiction, I have not read all of it. If there are similarities between my own story and anyone else's, it was not intentional.  
  
Chapter One  
  
Narnia Fairling had a unique childhood, compared to most. She spent most of her life with her grandmother, Alberta Crites. In truth, her grandmother had raised her. Her mother had died in an auto accident when she was very young and her father, unable to cope with the loss, left town, leaving her grandmother to care for her. Narnia often wondered what it would have been like had life's circumstances been different, but she was thankful and appreciative for the home her grandmother had provided for her.  
  
Narnia had no recollection of her mother. Only a memory of the softness of her long auburn hair played its way into Narnia's mind when she'd look at photographs of her mom. She would run a finger over the picture, only to feel the smooth cold surface under her skin. Sometimes, a sweet scent on the air would direct Narnia's thoughts towards her and she would stop for a moment to breathe it in. She remembered little of her father as well, and the last time they had spoke had been many years before. She had felt the need to talk with him, had wanted to see him, and therefore, she searched him out. Their meeting had been awkward, which Narnia had expected, but his coldness towards her hurt her deeply. She had happened upon him in a café and he recognized her immediately. For a moment, however, Narnia was unsure it was her father. Pictures she had seen showed a tall, handsome man, always smiling, but the person before her was hunched over and carried a most unpleasant look on his face. He looked as though he hadn't shaven in awhile and everything in his appearance was unkempt. If he hadn't shown any sign of acknowledgment, she may have turned and walked out. Trying to ignore the revelation, he seated himself in a corner booth, with his back facing her. Determined not to give up, she sat down opposite him. Her presence seemed to disturb him and throughout the visit, he rarely looked up at her. On the way home that day, she replayed his words to her over and over. "Why are you here? You are no daughter of mine.. Your mother was one of their kind. She was a freak, just like that mother of hers.. You're probably the same. Don't come around here again." She had just sat there and watched him walk away, tears stinging her eyes.  
  
When Narnia arrived home that evening, she buried herself in the solitude of her room. Her grandmother seemed to understand and left the subject alone until that time when Narnia felt the need to talk about it. Eventually they did speak about it, but briefly and it was never mentioned again.  
  
Narnia had always found her hometown charming and it's people warm and friendly. They weren't a large community and there were drawbacks to that. Narnia and her grandmother tried to keep as much of their lives private as they could, but people will talk and find things to talk about when there is nothing else to be done; unfortunately, Narnia and her grandmother were a favorite topic at these moments. As it would happen to be in any small town, she was fairly well known, partially due to her mother's death, but mostly due to her Gran. The town folk thought well of Narnia, some out of sympathy, but most sincerely liked her. She was smart, pretty in a plain sort of way, and was always willing to help someone in need.  
  
The locals always said there was something else about her as well, but what that was, no one really could say. They didn't attribute it to her grandmother's odd manner and outlandish appearance, as she'd stroll into town wearing, what looked to be, her best maroon bath robe, detailed with gold peacocks and an old black, floppy hat with feathers sticking out in every direction. "Old Lady Crites," they'd say and shake their heads, all the while, making sure they stuck to their side of the street. No, it wasn't that, but something else.  
  
Little did they know that Narnia and her grandmother were not as different as one might think.  
  
"Hogwarts? Teach?" Narnia found herself saying aloud.  
  
"I'm sure he has his reasons, dear. Your uncle does nothing without much thought and consideration, " her grandmother offered. "Albus expects only the best from his staff and his asking you to teach only points to that very fact." Her grandmother looked up from her knitting and continued. " With Voldemort's return no longer in question, he may be wanting any help you can give."  
  
Somehow, those words didn't bring much comfort. They only added to the knot that seemed to be growing in her stomach.  
  
Narnia had been spending a quiet evening in the company of her grandmother when the owl had arrived with the letter from her uncle. It had been some time since their last correspondence with him and he did make his apologies. Albus Dumbledore was her grandmother's brother and even though she had never met him, she had heard so many wonderful things about him. She knew he was a great wizard, one of the greatest to have lived, and was well respected throughout the magical community. The fact that he would even ask her to come and work alongside him gave her a great feeling of pride.  
  
"That would explain 'certain risks may be involved'," Narnia replied, with a slight smirk. She scanned the letter once again, the weight of it laying on her mind. "I will definitely need to give some thought to all of this."  
  
The entire wizarding community knew that if Lord Voldemort had ever returned to power, it could prove even more catastrophic than before and agreeing to teach at Hogwarts would put her so close to it all, a place she wasn't sure she wanted to be. However, her uncle had asked her. Her. In times like these, he wouldn't have haphazardly chosen anyone.  
  
Yes, Dark Arts Defense was her strong point. She never had many great challenges in this area of magic, but her knowledge of it was vast. When circumstances required her skill in defending herself or others from dark magic, it had seemed almost second nature to her. She didn't do too badly in the other disciplines of magic either. She had shown great potential at an early age and, at times, her Gran found it hard to keep her challenged. She had never gone to a school of magical learning, as there were none in her part of the world. Her Gran had been her teacher and a good one, Narnia thought. She had always been confident in her abilities, but being a part of something so important as defeating one of the most powerful wizards of their time.. she wasn't sure.  
  
She folded the letter and returned it to its envelope. "Gran, I'm turning in for the evening." She rose from her place on the couch, gave her grandmother a goodnight kiss on the forehead and turned to leave the room.  
  
"Albus would not have asked if he didn't place full confidence in your abilities. You know that. He will understand your decision and support it, no matter what you choose. Good-night dear."  
  
Her grandmother's words came as a small encouragement and as she pulled the blankets up to her chest, she hoped that in the midst of all that had just happened, she would be able to sleep, somehow. 


	2. Him

Chapter Two  
  
Narnia laid staring at the ceiling trying to calm her mind. A certain curiosity had begun to swell within her and the prospect of going to Hogwarts started to excite her. She was aware that there would be dangers involved, but if Dumbledore had confidence in her, why shouldn't she?  
  
Many thoughts began to race through her head. She knew what she would leave behind if she accepted the position. Gran had given her so much and she had felt obligated to look after her in her later years. No matter how restless she found herself at times, this was still her home and the thought of leaving it and her grandmother was almost unbearable. "This can wait until tomorrow," she thought to herself and finally drifted into sleep.  
  
The night was cold and the moon was casting its bluish tint on the world below. Narnia looked at the forest around her. She had seen this place before, but where, she didn't know. A small stream trickled in the distance and as she began to walk towards it sound, she heard something else. Voices. A cold chill ran the length of her spine. She spun around and headed in the direction of the voices, doing her best to remain unnoticed. There was a clearing ahead where the conversation seemed to be coming from and determined to get a better look, she tiptoed closer and ducked behind a tree. She could see the outline of three men and nothing more. One man knelt, his head barely inches from the ground, while the other two towered over him. One man was speaking, but it seemed mumbled to her. Straining to get closer, Narnia leaned a bit further around the trunk of the tree and in doing so, lost her balance. Desperately trying to grip onto the bark, she slipped and came crashing to the ground. She knew her fall could not have gone unnoticed and for a moment, everything stood still. She slowly raised her head, expecting all three men to be staring back at her. What she was going to do, she had not the slightest idea.  
  
When she had lifted her eyes, she was perplexed at what she saw. Only one of the men seemed to be aware of her. Though he was still kneeling down, he had turned in her direction and had outstretched a hand. Narnia gave a slight jolt. Him. She knew what she had to do. Just as she made up her mind to run to his rescue, the man who had been speaking raised his wand in the air and muttered..  
  
Narnia sat straight up in bed, her heart pounding and her mind racing. Her clothes were soaked with sweat and her head aching. She looked around and began to slow her breathing when she realized that she was still in her room, not in the forest. It had been so real and she wouldn't have thought too seriously about it, had he not been there. Him. She had never seen his face, heard his voice, or even knew anything else about him. Just his outstretched hand and as always, he had been in need of her help and she had failed him. She didn't always dream of him, but had dreams of him often over her life. She had recorded each one, in a journal, in hopes that someday she could unlock the mystery of it all. She couldn't help but think that he was truly out there, somewhere. She had often wondered if the man in her dreams was her father, but after meeting with him, everything seemed to point away from that possibility. Day by day, she looked in every face she passed, hoping for something, but nothing.  
  
Tonight's dream was the worst, however. His life had never really been in great danger before, but this time it had and she had been no help to him. She knew she would not be able to sleep for the rest of the night. Quietly, she rolled out of bed and walked to her desk. Opening her bottom desk drawer, she pulled out her journal and sat down to record the events of her dream. She knew she mustn't wake Gran, because doing so would cause her to ask questions. Questions that Narnia didn't want to answer. She had never told her grandmother, as to not worry her and now, with going to Hogwarts being a possibility, she didn't want to add to her grandmother's anxieties. She wrote down what had happened, just as she remembered it and then began to pour over other entries, looking for some meaning, something, anything. Without her notice, dark had slipped into dawn and she could hear her Gran beginning to stir across the hall.  
  
"Will you write to your uncle today?" Alberta asked of her granddaughter, as she sat down at the kitchen table to drink her coffee. "Narnia? Narnia?"  
  
"Oh, sorry." Narnia was still in thought over last night's dream. She stirred the thought from her mind and turned her attentions towards her grandmother's question. Since she could remember, Narnia had known of her grandmother's skill at Occlumency. It was a family trait, one Narnia hoped to improve upon and without directly looking at her Gran, replied. "I'm planning on sending an owl this afternoon."  
  
"So, from your state of mind this morning, I'd say you're still thinking over your answer?" her grandmother inquired, giving her granddaughter a grin.  
  
Narnia knew she would indeed have to send an answer to Dumbledore today and she had to focus on that alone for the time being. She knew no matter what she did or how much time in thought she would spend, she wouldn't get to the bottom of her dream today. She had wasted many days doing that and time didn't offer her the convenience at present. "It must wait," she thought to herself.  
  
"Would you come with me, Gran?" Narnia asked. "To Hogwarts."  
  
Her grandmother remained silent for a moment, as if in thought. "My time there passed many years ago. I am meant for this place. This is my home. This is where I should be. The choice to come here was not an easy one, but I knew it was right." As if guessing Narnia's thoughts, she added, "When this life ends for me, yours will continue and you must always live it as to have no regrets. I am still capable of looking after myself, young lady."  
  
Narnia reached across the table and squeezed her grandmother's hand. Tears began to sting her eyes. She knew her Gran was right, and the advice she had just given only made Narnia love her the more. Out of everything, she would miss Gran the most, her secure place. 


	3. Hogwarts

Chapter 3  
  
Uncle Albus,  
  
Greetings. Gran and I were very pleased to hear from you. Your offer of a teaching position in Defense Against the Dark Arts was very generous and quite the compliment. After much thought, I agree to accept the position for this school year. I am looking forward to working with you and your staff and I am willing to assist you in any way I can. I will be arriving within the week. Thank you again.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Miss Narnia Fairling  
  
The countryside outside the window scurried by as the Hogwarts Express came closer to its destination. Narnia could hardly believe that the days had gone by so quickly since receiving the letter from her uncle. Her life had changed that quickly. "How unsettling," she thought.  
  
Other than the engine, the train was fairly quiet. Few people were aboard today and this allowed Narnia some time to her thoughts. She was excited about what awaited her. She pictured her students, the castle that she had heard so much about from her Gran, wondered what her uncle would be like, and thought about, with apprehension, what role she may be asked to play in the fight against Voldemort.  
  
Narnia reached down into her bag to grab a book for some light reading. Opening the flap, her eyes immediately sighted her journal. She took a deep breath. She had seen him again in her dreams only two nights ago. Again, he was in the forest, with the two men, and he had reached out for her. As before, she couldn't help him. The dream ended in the same way, with Narnia sitting straight up in bed, her body drenched. With a feeling of defeat, she sat up and turned her gaze back out the window to look at the green grass and blue sky. She felt even further from him now. With so much to focus on, she knew this must not distract her. She had to give all of herself to the task that lay ahead. She resumed her gaze out the compartment window and allowed her mind to fall into a numbing trance.  
  
Narnia stepped off the Hogwarts Express to find a chill in the air and wrapping her robe a little tighter around her, she drew in a deep breath and lifted her head to the let the sun warm her face.  
  
"'hoy, Professor Fairling?"  
  
Narnia turned to acknowledge the person speaking to her, only to find her gaze wandering upwards.  
  
"Rubeus Hagrid, Professor. Professor Dumbledore sends his apologies an' plans t' meet yer up in the castle."  
  
"Thank you, Hagrid," Narnia replied and stretched out her hand. "Narnia Fairling. Pleased to meet you."  
  
Hagrid enveloped his hand around hers and gave a firm shake. "I'll be takin' yer things up t' the castle. The carriage here'll b' takin' ya. Professor McGonagall will b' at the entrance hall, waitin' ter show ya 'round."  
  
"Thanks again." Narnia climbed into the carriage and as she sat down, the carriage broke into a steady gate, carrying her towards Hogwarts. There was something different about the air here, something exciting and inviting. Curious, she slid closer to the windows. She had heard of Hogwarts her entire life and now, finally, she was going to experience it for herself. As the carriage made a turn, the castle came into full view. Narnia drew breath deep into her lungs and slowly exhaled in amazement at the sight before her. She had never seen anything like it in her life. The castle seemed alive, a being unto itself. The setting sun gave its final offering of golden light, causing the stone walls to have a faint glow about them. Candlelight flickered in windows playfully. It was more than had ever been described to her, more than ever could be. She knew that her time here would be an experience she'd not soon forget.  
  
Narnia was so taken with Hogwarts that she failed to notice the carriage coming to a stop. The door opened and quickly coming to her senses, she picked up her things and stepped out on to the castle grounds.  
  
Narnia made her way into the castle, amazed at what she was seeing. Appearing from a hallway to her right came a tall witch dressed in emerald green robes, with her hair drawn back into a bun. Her appearance was strict, but kindness showed in her countenance.  
  
"Professor Fairling, I'm Minerva McGonagall. How wonderful to meet you at last."  
  
"And you as well, Professor," stated Narnia as she shook the teacher's hand.  
  
"I trust that your trip has went well and that you have been well tended to?" asked Professor McGonagall.  
  
"Yes, of course. Everything and everyone has been quite wonderful."  
  
"Good. Professor Dumbledore sends his apologies. He has had to see to some matters that could not wait and will be down to see you as soon as they are settled. I will be more than happy to show you to your chambers. I know it has been quite a journey for you and you may want to settle in before dinner."  
  
As she explored her quarters, Narnia wondered what else would be in store for her. She had seen so much already and she hadn't even spent a full day at Hogwarts. Narnia had spent most of her life surrounded by Muggles. She knew few wizards and witches, all of whom she met while at college. At the university, it was okay to be different and the atmosphere allowed Narnia to be herself and to meet other people like her. However, she had never really been this immersed into the magical world and it was going to take some getting used to.  
  
Narnia had come to her room expecting to spend the time until dinner unpacking, but to her surprise, it had already been done for her. She took a quick look around to locate where all of her belongings had been placed and decided to freshen up a bit before going down to the Great Hall. She had a few minutes to begin a letter to her grandmother. "But where to begin," she thought. There was so much to tell already and the evening wasn't over. "Maybe after dinner."  
  
Just as Narnia was putting her quill and parchment away, there was a knock at her door. Opening the door, she knew she was seeing her uncle for the first time. 


	4. Dumbledore

Chapter 4  
  
"Narnia. At last we meet," Albus Dumbledore stated, extending his arms for a welcoming hug.  
  
"Uncle, it's about time, too, I must say," Narnia replied, embracing Dumbledore. "Please come in," Narnia offered and directed him towards an overstuffed chair next to the window.  
  
"I trust that you have found everything suitable, thus far? Professor McGonagall assured me that your trip went well and that all of your belongings have been brought up."  
  
"I find Hogwarts to be very suitable," she stated, taking a seat opposite him, and trying to control her enthusiasm for the castle. "The stories from Gran pale in comparison to actually being here. It is very generous of you to have me."  
  
"I assure you it is out of complete selfishness that I have asked you to come," Dumbledore replied with a twinkle in his eye and a slight grin stamped upon his face. The Headmaster then took a more serious tone. "We seem to have trouble keeping our Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers and unless I find a suitable replacement in time for the new term to start, the Ministry will appoint a professor. In most recent history, that has proved not to work to anyone's advantage." His thought seemed distracted for a moment and looking back at Narnia, continued on. "Training our students in Dark Arts Defense has never been more crucial. Alberta has told me of your abilities. Your talents need to be put to good use and I know that you will do well here. I believe Hogwarts will benefit greatly from having you on the staff."  
  
"Thank you, uncle. I appreciate your confidence. I will give it my best," Narnia replied with a smile. "So much of this is new to me, but I can't remember a time when I've anticipated anything more."  
  
"Good, and I would like to discuss some other things with you, perhaps after you've had some time to get adjusted." Dumbledore rose to his feet. "And, I would be honored if you would accompany me to dinner."  
  
"Of course," Narnia replied.  
  
As she accompanied her uncle to the evening meal, they talked of her Gran and he delighted her with a few humorous stories from their youth. Narnia's grandmother was the youngest sibling and had been well looked after by all of her older brothers and sisters. However, the occasional prank was played at her expense. "She always took it well, I must say and always found a way to even the score," Dumbledore told her, as they walked through the doors, entering into the largest room Narnia had ever seen.  
  
Looking around the Great Hall, Narnia wondered about the years of tradition that had taken place here. The four house tables that she had heard of in Gran's stories were nowhere to be seen, but two large, round tables sat to one end of the room. Some of the staff had already taken their seats. Professor Dumbledore led Narnia to her place at the table and then proceeded to take his own. Professors Sprout and Flitwick introduced themselves right away, along with Madam Pince and Madam Pomfrey. Narnia was pleased to make their aquaintance and was quickly engaged into a discussion on Herbology. Just as she was telling Professor Sprout that she'd love to see her greenhouses, Dumbledore rose to speak.  
  
"It is nice to see that all of you have returned safely. I hope that the summer holidays have been adequate. We have a new teacher this year and I'm pleased to say that she is my niece, Miss Narnia Fairling." With this introduction, Narnia found herself returning many smiles. Dumbledore continued. "She will be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. My request is that you make her feel welcome, as I'm sure you will. Now, without further ramblings, let us feast."  
  
Narnia had never seen so much food in her life, or variety of it either. As she piled food on her plate, she looked around the table at her colleagues discussing the upcoming school year and the lessons they had been planning. She smiled to herself and thought, "I could get used to this." With the conclusion of dinner, she had pretty much given her life's story and had been asked her opinion on several issues.  
  
"Would yer like t'be show'd 'round the castle, Professor?" Hagrid had asked of her as they rose from the table. "It's a pretty big place. Even I get turn'd 'round 'times."  
  
"I'd love to be, Hagrid and please, call me Narnia," she replied. After saying good night to her uncle and the others, Narnia set off with Hagrid to explore the castle. As they walked along the corridors, Hagrid pointed out several classrooms, hallways that led to the dormitories, and points of interest, such as paintings, statues, and so on. "This is th' Defense Against th' Dark Arts classroom and yer office is just up th' stairs there," Hagrid stated.  
  
Narnia walked in, imagining her classroom full of students, picturing herself lecturing on the day's lesson. "Can you give me just a moment, Hagrid?" she asked. He nodded and she climbed the steps to her office. Inside she found numerous shelves littered with several books, most of which she had read, but some she didn't recognize. She walked over to her desk and ran her hand along the top. She looked out of her window, but what view she had, she didn't know as dark had already fallen on the grounds. She would come back tomorrow and settle her things.  
  
"Okay, I'm ready." Stepping back out into the hallway, Hagrid pointed out the most direct way to her quarters.  
  
"I'll leave yer t'it then. I could spend all evenin' showin' yer 'round and never git t'half of th' place. Most of it yer have to figure fer yerself. It's always changin'. Just watch th' staircases. They like t'move." As if Hagrid could read the expression on her face, he added, " Probably be bes' ter wait 'til mornin' though, when other folks are out an' about. G'night then."  
  
"Good night, Hagrid. Thanks again." Narnia watched Hagrid round the corner and disappear. She then returned to her chambers and prepared for bed. She had been waiting for the chance to write Gran and tell her of her first night at Hogwarts. She didn't know where to begin or even how to describe it all. After laboring for a short while, she glanced over what she had written.  
  
Gran,  
  
I've just settled in for the evening and can't believe what I've encountered after just one evening spent here. The trip was fine and I've been receiving such a warm welcome from everyone. Hogwarts is everything you said it would be and so much more.  
  
Uncle Albus is wonderful. I was able to spend a little time with him this evening. He reminds me so much of you.  
  
I will write again soon. I'm sure I will be very busy over the next few weeks and will have much to tell. Please take care and let me know how you are doing.  
  
Miss you, Narnia  
  
"That will have to do for now," Narnia thought to herself. She sealed the letter and laid it down upon her desk. She looked at it for a moment, knowing she would much rather send it now than wait until morning. Hagrid had shown her the way to the owlery, but they never actually went and she was unsure she could find her way there. She doubted that anyone would still be up at this hour, so asking someone was out of the question. She could just wait until morning, but she desperately wanted her Gran to know that she had arrived safely and that she was fine. She grabbed her cloak and stepped out into the corridor. She was the DADA teacher after all and if she couldn't handle finding her way to the owlery what business would she have teaching students. 


	5. To the Owlery

Chapter 5  
  
Narnia looked from side to side, gazing at both ends of the hall. "It's this way to start," turning left. As she made her way in what she believed was the direction of the owlery, she couldn't help but stop to look at the fixtures that littered the corridors. She had always been driven by curiosity and her inquisitive nature was steering her away from her main objective. She was finding that the further along she went, the more things looked unfamiliar. After making a series of turns and bends and after what felt like at least an hour, she still hadn't found the owlery. She came to a complete stop and stood looking at her surroundings. This place seemed foreign to her and she knew at once that this had not been part of Hagrid's tour. "Well, at least I'm still in the castle," she thought to herself, but she was beginning to think that she should have taken Hagrid's advice. She decided to go just a bit further and if she was unsuccessful, she would try to find her way back and worry about sending out her letter in the morning. Being lost was not exactly how she had envisioned spending her first night in the castle. She walked forward down the corridor and came to an intersecting hallway. She was just deciding which way to turn when someone spoke from behind her.  
  
"Lost, Professor?" came a low, silky voice.  
  
Startled, Narnia turned to face the person speaking. The corridor was faintly lit but she was able to see who had approached her. He seemed to be dressed in robes of black and he was a bit taller than her. His skin was pale, almost glowing in the shadows, and his features were rigid. In his demeanor, there were no traces of kindness, but she didn't feel threatened by him either. He almost seemed amused at their meeting.  
  
"Just looking around," she replied, clearing her throat and pulling her cloak a little tighter around her. "I'm afraid we haven't met. Narnia Fair."  
  
"Yes, I'm well aware," he interrupted. He swiftly stepped towards her. Narnia stayed rooted to the spot in which she had been standing, stiffening slightly. "It would prove wise not go lurking about the school alone at night, Professor," he stated, his tone threatening and with a hint of triumph. He paused and then continued, " The owlery is in that direction. Good evening." He swept past her, turned a corner, and disappeared.  
  
Narnia stood looking after him for a moment, unsure of whether that had just occurred or if she was actually back in her bed, dreaming about it all. Her breathing became rapid and the thought of his conduct irritated her. How dare he threaten her? To her recollection, she had done nothing to provoke him to act in such a way. He had seemed almost satisfied to catch her off guard. Gritting her teeth, she headed in the direction she had came from, opposite of what the man had pointed out. What if he had sent her the wrong way, only to be waiting for her when she found herself even more disoriented? She would not give him any further satisfaction by following his instructions. He had taken advantage of her helplessness, something she would have never done if the circumstances had been reversed. She knew she hadn't mentioned to him that she was on her way to the owlery, but perhaps he had simply seen the letter in her hand. The day had been so wonderful and he had ended it sourly for her. She would wait and send her letter tomorrow and resolved to ask Hagrid or one of the other teachers to take her to the owlery. By the time she reached her chambers, the adrenaline rush had worn off and quite exhausted from the trek and her day's travels, she crawled into bed and fell quickly to sleep.  
  
Narnia looked around at the forest. It was happening again. She didn't wait to hear the voices this time; maybe she could get there in time to save him. She started to run for the clearing. She didn't worry about concealing herself; she knew what she had to do. As the clearing came into view, she could see all three men and again, he was the only one aware of her. His hands were outstretched towards her as he labored to crawl away from the others. She had almost reached him when the man speaking raised his wand again.  
  
"Nooooo." Narnia sat straight up in bed and struggled to catch her breath. She looked around, and for a moment, was unsure of where she was. It then dawned on her. She breathed a sigh of relief, but then wondered if anyone had heard her scream. She got up out of bed and walked to her door, opened it, and looked out into the corridor for any sign that she had been heard. Silence enveloped the hall and Narnia sighed in relief. Shutting the door, she walked to her desk, laid out her journal and quill and poured herself a glass of water from her bedside table. She sat down and began to write what had happened, just like every time before. When she finished, she put the journal away and moved to the chair by the fireplace. "I was almost there," she thought as she watched the flames dance back and forth. The warmth of the fire embraced her and she slowly drifted back to sleep.  
  
Sorry, this is the shortest chapter so far. 


	6. Severus Snape

Chapter 6  
  
Narnia woke to find that she had slept in the chair all night. She hadn't slept that well and she found that her neck was a little stiff. Afraid she had risen too late, she jumped up and got ready for the day's tasks. All she would need after last night's adventure was to arrive to breakfast late. Arriving behind schedule wasn't exactly the way she wanted to start out her day. Students would arrive tomorrow and she had so much to accomplish before then. With her mind occupied with things she had to do, last night's dream did not come to mind.  
  
Narnia walked into the Great Hall for breakfast, steadying her breath as she realized that she was a bit early. Eyeing her place at the table, she was dissatisfied to see that in the chair beside of hers sat the man who had treated her so unkindly the night before. "I hope it's not like this all year," she thought. Taking a deep breath and eager for a good start to a busy day, she took her seat and greeted her colleagues warmly.  
  
"Good morning." Looking around the table, she was happy to see that not all of the staff members wore the same bitter expression as her neighbor. She glanced at him and then to Professor Flitwick who had chimed in. "Professor Fairling I do believe you missed the opportunity of meeting our Potions Master last evening. Allow me." Narnia noticed that the man beside her had shifted slightly at this statement. "Severus Snape, Narnia Fairling." Narnia turned her head to look at the man and he only gazed at his plate as he fumbled around a piece of ham with his fork and knife. Narnia could feel several pairs of eyes wandering in their direction, as if in anticipation.  
  
"I'm afraid Professor Fairling and I have already met as she was quite lost in the corridors leading into the dungeons last night." He glanced up at her, grinning, a challenging, and malicious look on his face. "Let us hope a sense of direction is all she lacks in."  
  
Snape's mouth twisted in a sneer as if to claim victory. Narnia held his gaze, feeling a hot sensation rising in her cheeks, determined not to look away until he broke the connection. Unaware of the conversation going on beside of her, Professor McGonagall began informing Narnia on tomorrow's protocol and she was glad for the sudden interruption. She turned away from Snape and gave full attention to the current discussion. She had heard some of the stories of the sorting before, from her Gran, and she didn't mind hearing it again. It was somewhat different this time; however, because now she would be seeing it all happen for the first time. "Will you need my assistance in anyway, Minerva?" Narnia asked as she added another muffin to her plate.  
  
"Hopefully all will go well. There really isn't much for the staff to do. We generally leave most of the duties to the prefects," Professor McGonagall replied. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some things to tend to."  
  
Professor McGonagall got up from the table and left the hall. Several other staff members had left as well and to Narnia's displeasure, Snape remained seated. Almost suffocating from the tension between them, Narnia breathed deeply into her chest, trying to contain her composure. She was unsure why this man treated her so cruelly, but perhaps he was of this nature with everyone. It wasn't as though he had reserved his hateful attitude for her, but she did feel somewhat singled out and it hadn't escaped her how the other professors had reacted when Snape addressed her, diverting their eyes and scrambling for new conversation. She folded up her napkin and laid it on her plate. Before she could rise from the table, Snape spoke, slowly and articulately.  
  
"The Headmaster appears to have confidence in your ability to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. However, my confidence is not so easily gained and I will keep a watchful eye."  
  
Narnia looked at him surprised at what she was hearing. Nothing seemed beyond him. His unkindness seemed to know no limit. She gathered her thoughts and then replied with the greatest of ease, even though her heart was pounding in her chest. "I'm afraid, Professor, that somehow you and I have started out on the wrong foot. I assure you that I did not come to Hogwarts to boost others' confidence in myself. I find upon gaining your acquaintance, yours would be the least I would desire." Snape had met her glare and upon this, Narnia intensified hers. "The one thing that brought me here was my uncle's confidence and that is the one thing that will keep me. Your attempts to intimidate me are no more than that. Attempts. Keep your watchful eye. I daresay that you will be disappointed when you find that I am quite capable of handling the responsibility laid at my feet."  
  
He offered no argument, but the look on his face was of dislike. Perhaps he had never been spoken to like this before, especially from a woman or maybe he was just angry that he hadn't actually succeeded in threatening her. Whatever it was, he did not speak another word and left the table.  
  
"How infuriating!" Narnia thought to herself. She recalled the conversation in her mind and pondered her own response. She had never spoken to anyone like that in her life and in turn, had rarely ever been spoken to so rudely. He had provoked her and she had risen to the occasion. The last person that had spoken to her in this manner had been her father and even though she had wished, momentarily, that she had been able to lash back at him that day in the café, she was later thankful that she hadn't. She started to feel somewhat guilty for her behavior towards Snape. She hadn't acted professionally. She knew had she not been so tired this morning, she may have exercised a bit more judgment and may not have said some of the things she did. She generally got along with everyone and when she didn't hit it off with someone, it bothered her. "He had it coming, though," she tried to reassure herself. She took another sip of pumpkin juice and left the Hall, thinking of all she needed to do.  
  
The day slipped by rapidly and Narnia had accomplished most of what she had set out to do. The errands she had to attend to in Hogsmeade took longer than she had expected. The shops were intriguing to her and she found it hard to pass any by, even if there was nothing she needed to buy from them. She had been in need of robes and some warmer clothing and left the village with quite an addition to her wardrobe. She had spent the remainder of the day in her office, organizing her books and writing out her lessons for the first week. She had been so busy that she had forgotten to break for lunch, and realizing that it was almost time for dinner, she tidied up a few last pieces of parchment and headed down to the Great Hall.  
  
When she arrived for dinner, Narnia was a bit discomforted to see that the seating arrangements had not changed since breakfast. She had forgotten about her conversation with Snape this morning and quickly replayed it in her mind. She knew that Gran would not have approved of her reproach and a wave of guilt swept over her.  
  
Dinner was somewhat quiet this evening. Exhaustion could be felt and seen in everyone. Narnia presumed that every professor had spent the day preparing for tomorrow's arrival of students. Even her uncle seemed tired and a bit preoccupied. With dinner coming to a close, a dread settled in the pit of Narnia's stomach and she knew she had to do what she least desired. As everyone departed for the evening, she turned to face Snape.  
  
"Professor, may I have a word?" Narnia asked, rising from the table.  
  
He looked at her for a moment and said nothing.  
  
"I'm afraid my behavior towards you this morning was a bit strong and I would like to apologize for it," declared Narnia. Narnia knew this admittance would open the door for him to harass her again, but she was determined this time to not let it affect her. She stood strong and braced herself for his remark. His immediate reaction puzzled her. He had seemed somewhat surprised by her, but only for a moment, and then the usual sour expression returned to his face. Just as he was about to respond, Professor Dumbledore joined them.  
  
"Pardon me, Professors. Narnia, do you have a moment? I'd like to speak with you in my office," he stated.  
  
"Of course," she replied. Her uncle had mentioned other things he needed to speak with her about, but he had been vague.  
  
"Please excuse us, Severus," said Dumbledore, as if there was some unspoken understanding between them. Snape nodded and turned to leave.  
  
Dumbledore led Narnia out of the Great Hall. Her mind began to wonder on what her uncle needed to discuss, a million ideas running through her mind. Yet, she came only to one conclusion and hoped she was wrong. "I'm afraid that our time will be short, again, this evening, but what I need to discuss with you is of utmost importance," he said as they reached the entryway to his office. He stepped onto the staircase, with Narnia following and they began to move upwards. "For future reference, the password is 'lavender lollipop' if you need to see me." Narnia looked at her uncle affectionately, appreciating his odd likeness to her grandmother. When they stepped into the office, Narnia stood in amazement as she viewed her uncle's collection of books and magical gadgets. Her eyes then came to rest on the paintings covering the walls.  
  
"Past Headmasters of the school," her uncle stated. "And this is Fawkes." Narnia had been told her uncle had a phoenix and she walked over to stroke the bird's feathers.  
  
"Please have a seat. Would you like some tea? Hot chocolate?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"Tea is fine. Thank you." Narnia replied, still looking around at the paintings.  
  
"Here you go," Dumbledore said as he handed her a cup. He then took his seat. "Since our time is limited, I will get right to it. You are aware that Lord Voldemort returned a little over a year ago." Narnia shook her head in agreement. She had successfully predicted what her Uncle would be speaking with her about and she shifted nervously in her seat. "Well, this past year he has been gaining allies, old loyalties, and some new. In opposition, those unwilling to join him have come together and formed what is known as the Order of the Phoenix. We have suffered losses already and will suffer more, I'm afraid, but we have been successful in thwarting his restoration of the powers he once had. In other words, we have protected Harry Potter from him. Some in the magical community have still not come to terms with his return though many have, and most are too frightened to stand against him, concerned for the well being of their families." He paused for a moment and then began again.  
  
"Not all of the staff, here at Hogwarts, are members of the Order. Most are oblivious to its existence. It is not a requirement, but it would be a great advantage to the Order to have you on board, helping us."  
  
Narnia looked at her uncle, an array of questions popping up in her thoughts, her heart beating rapidly. "What exactly would be expected of me?" she asked.  
  
"We meet, secretly, but at random times to discuss strategies and to share any new information. I'm positive that your opinions and views will prove most useful. As for any 'assignments', for now, a close eye on Harry while he is at school is what I would ask of you." Dumbledore became quiet and then looked at Narnia, piercing her with his stare. "I want to make sure that you are aware that commitment to the Order could mean your life."  
  
Narnia nodded her head in acknowledgement. She knew before coming to Hogwarts that her uncle may ask her to help in the fight against Voldemort, but she had no idea that the situation had become so severe. She hadn't realized that Voldemort had become so powerful again, so quickly.  
  
"This is not a decision I expect you to have the answer to tonight. I would like you to take as much time as you need," said Dumbledore.  
  
"Actually," Narnia began, "this isn't the first time I've thought about something like this. To be honest, I was unaware that since Voldemort's return, things had turned so grim. I knew when I received your invitation to come to Hogwarts that this discussion was a possibility." She stopped for a moment and gathered her thoughts. "You have my deepest admiration and respect, Uncle, and I know you're asking this of me comes from pure motives. I'll stand with you and the Order and do my best to be of any assistance."  
  
At this, her uncle gave her a look of appreciation and a smile had etched its way across his face. "I realize, Narnia, that there is much more to explain that we haven't touched upon this evening. Students will be arriving tomorrow and we will all be quite busy. Unless something unexpected arises, I doubt any of the Order will be called away from the school. Further details of our activities can be explained later when we have a bit more time. However, again, I would ask that you watch over Mr. Potter. You will not carry this responsibility alone, as others are keeping an eye on him as well. I daresay this will be his toughest year at Hogwarts, now that he is aware of the importance of his role in the war against Voldemort and with the loss of his godfather, Sirius Black." Dumbledore looked away, his expression becoming somber. "Any information regarding the Order must be kept within the Order and not shared by way of post or other means."  
  
"Of course, sir. You said that there were other members of the staff that were in the Order," said Narnia inquisitively.  
  
"Minerva McGonagall, Rubeus Hagrid, and Severus Snape. We have quite a group of students who are aware of its existence, too, including Harry, and they have proved to be a help at times. You'll quickly discover who these students are I'm sure. I assume they will be among the best in your class," Dumbledore replied. "I will be revealing your addition to the Order to everyone promptly. Therefore, if you have a question or problem, you can see me or go to Professors McGonagall, Hagrid, or Snape. They will offer any assistance that you may need."  
  
Narnia thought of her meeting with Snape last night in the corridor and his effort to embarrass her at breakfast. She wasn't sure if she'd be running to him for much help, but just then she noticed her uncle had stopped speaking and was looking at her. Narnia met her uncle's eyes and she quickly looked away desperate for an excuse as to what distracted her.  
  
"Ah." Dumbledore sat in thoughtful silence for a moment. "Severus has spoken with you." Narnia looked back at her uncle, somewhat, but not completely surprised at his knowing this.  
  
Dumbledore stood from his seat and began to walk towards the window. "Severus is a fine potions master. One of the best I have seen. He serves the school and its students well, however rough around the edges he may be at times." Dumbledore stopped to unwrap a piece of candy that he had gathered from his desktop. "He feels that the school would best benefit if he was to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts and he covets that position immensely. Therefore, his reaction to my new appointed professor each year is to.. well, bully them. I would see no reason why he would not offer you this same treatment. I suppose it is his way of dealing with the disappointment. I would not concern myself with it, if I were you."  
  
Narnia gave a reassuring smile to her Uncle; "I believe I can safely say I've only agitated him at my unwillingness to be frightened. It is at least a comfort to know that his attitude towards me is not a result of any of my actions."  
  
"No, my dear niece. I can honestly say that he has not singled you out. His manner towards you is in fact how he treats the whole world."  
  
Narnia raised her hand to her mouth, trying to stifle her laughter.  
  
A knock at the door signaled the end of their meeting. The caretaker, Argus Filch, along with his cat, Mrs. Norris, stepped inside. "You wanted to see me Headmaster."  
  
"Of course, Argus." Dumbledore looked back at Narnia. "I'm afraid we'll have to catch up at another time, Narnia."  
  
Narnia rose from her chair and her uncle continued. "Good luck with your first week. I would love to hear about it one evening."  
  
"Good night, Uncle," Narnia responded and left the Headmaster's office. She walked back into the corridor and made her way to her quarters.  
  
Narnia sat in the frame of her window, staring out over the grounds at Hogwarts. Dark had fallen, but the moon sat high in the night sky and softly lit the world below. Her outlook once again had brightened at the revelation of the reason for Snape's vindictive mood. She chuckled at the thought of it. It had not been personal, but something she shared with her predecessors. She doubted that she would take his attacks so seriously again. She would not take part in his charade and would refuse to offer any reply to his remark. It would be what he would want, for her to lash back. She had other worries on her mind and things to concentrate on without playing childish games with a grown man. Dumbledore's words played through her mind again. ".. suffered losses already..will suffer more..commitment to the Order could mean your life.." She couldn't help but think that somewhere, out there, Voldemort was lurking, waiting for his chance to strike. She would indeed have to keep close supervision on young Harry. She knew his story, as did the rest of the wizarding world, and thinking of all that he had faced troubled her. She knew what it was like growing up without her parents, but she had been lucky in having Gran. Harry hadn't even had that.  
  
Narnia took one last sip of tea and fell into bed. Her day had been full and now it was over. 


	7. The Start of Term Feast

Chapter 7  
  
Narnia now looked over the four house tables filling the Great Hall. Excitement flooded her as she watched students filing into their seats. The remaining members of the staff were taking their places and recalling her Uncle's statement, all the while smiling, she said, "Good evening, Professor," as Snape sat down next to her. Narnia turned her attention back towards the students coming in and began wondering which table belonged to which house. She noticed that many of the students' eyes rested upon her for a moment and she guessed that they were as curious about her as she was about them.  
  
"My house, Slytherin, is the table to your right, "Snape suddenly said. Narnia turned to look at him, but he only looked out at the students. She could tell by his tone that the beginning of a new school year was the last thing to excite him. " The next two tables are Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Then, Gryffindor." At this last declaration, he seemed even more disgusted.  
  
"Oh." Narnia glanced over the four tables. Her eyes stopped at the Slytherin table and she thought by the looks of them, they were very much suited to their head of house. She decided this observation was best kept to herself, not wanting to relinquish this momentary truce with Snape. By this time, the tables were almost full, with places left for the first year students to sit after they had been sorted. "Which house is Harry Potter in?" she asked him and noticed his scowl became more profound.  
  
"Gryffindor," Snape replied. "Mr. Potter considers himself to be immune to the rules and boundaries here at Hogwarts. Due to his celebrity," Snape sneered, "his rule-breaking is disregarded. He does not concern himself with the measures others take to protect him."  
  
Narnia turned from Snape and followed his glare over to the Gryffindor table. Her gaze fell upon a young boy with black, untidy hair and glasses. He was talking to the other students around him. "He is in his sixth year, I understand?"  
  
"Yes," Snape responded.  
  
Narnia's attention was then directed towards the doors of the Great Hall. The four house tables became silent and Professor McGonagall entered the room, followed by the first year students. The looks on their faces were a mix of nerves, fear, and excitement. They lined themselves up at the front of the Hall and waited for the Sorting to begin. Once everyone was settled, the Sorting Hat burst forth, offering its song for the year. Once the hat had finished and all had applauded, Professor McGonagall began calling out each name. ("Adams, Penelope" "Hufflepuff!") Some students were sorted right away and others took a bit longer. In the end, the first years seemed content with the house in which they had been placed.  
  
After each student had been sorted, Professor Dumbledore stood up and everyone grew quiet again. "Welcome back to Hogwarts for those returning and welcome to the first years. I have a couple start of term notices." Dumbledore went through several new additions to Filch's list of hallway rules and reiterated that the Forbidden Forest was out of bounds to all students. He added, "As I'm sure you all have noticed, we have a new teacher this year." Narnia watched as all eyes turned on her. "Professor Fairling will be your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher for this school year. An improvement upon last year, I daresay." There was applause and Narnia smiled and gave a slight bow. The Headmaster acknowledged her by bowing his head to her and then returned to his seat. No sooner had he seated himself, than food began appearing on every table indicating that the feast had begun.  
  
"So, Professor, I assume you attended Hogwarts as a student?" Narnia asked Snape as she spooned potatoes onto her plate.  
  
"Yes," he replied somewhat painstakingly. Narnia wondered if conversation without sarcasm or threat was possible for him. The civility was short lived. "I find that those who have attended a wizarding school in their youth are. better suited to teach at one."  
  
"Perhaps you are right Professor." Narnia hadn't missed his insinuation and in all truth, he had touched on a source of her anxiety. Her first day at Hogwarts had been the very first day she had ever set foot in a school of witchcraft and wizardy. She was unsure of what to expect and if she was unsuccessful, there was more at stake than simply a failed end of the year exam. Every time these thoughts began to overwhelm her, she reminded herself that Dumbledore had asked her to come and that always seemed to drive her insecurity away. She looked out among the four tables and scanning over Gryffindor, caught Harry Potter's eye. She smiled and he returned it. Responsibility for his safety would be her biggest task and in light of that, teaching suddenly seemed simpler. Judging from Snape's description of Harry, he felt as warmly toward the Gryffindor as he did her and she wondered if he hadn't perhaps exaggerated his depiction of Harry. Nevertheless, Narnia guessed that there was some truth in what the professor had said.  
  
Dinner passed by, with Narnia having made several more attempts at normal conversation with Snape. If she had to face sitting next to him at every meal for the rest of the year, she was going to have to make an effort of being polite. It had proved hard work, with no success, as she would ask a question and he would reply with some sort of biting remark. He made quite an effort at trying to back her into a corner and when she didn't retaliate, he directed his attention elsewhere. She, however, was simply trying to treat him as though he were anyone else at the table.  
  
Exhausted from the task, Narnia struck up conversations with other professors at the table and if a topic arose dealing with the subject she would be teaching, Snape, waiting to pounce on his prey, would interrogate her tirelessly, as if in some hope of catching her off guard. When this strategy proved ineffective, he aborted it and looked, if possible, even more unpleasant. Narnia's spirits rose, however, when she was able to entertain each challenge he had placed before her. She knew Snape would be even more disgusted to know that the exercise had only sharpened her, instead of unnerving her, the opposite of what he had wished for.  
  
With the conclusion of dinner, the prefects began to herd their house's first years together and all other students made their way to their respective dormitories. Narnia again found herself in discussion with Professor Sprout and by the time they had reached the corridor leading to the staff's quarters, she had made plans to visit the greenhouses the coming weekend. Arriving at her own room a few moments later, she gave the password to enter ("frog freckles"). Waiting for the door to open, she looked down the corridor and at the far end, she noticed Snape talking with McGonagall. Stepping inside, she wondered if their discussion pertained to the Order. She doubted, however, that they would speak of such things in such a public place.  
  
There was still a great deal about the Order that Narnia was unaware of and she hoped she could sit down with her uncle or another member soon and gather some more information. The thought of committing to something so life threatening without much knowledge of it left her feeling quite uneasy. Not quite ready for bed, she sat down at her desk to write to Gran. Again, she found herself at a bit of loss for where to begin. As she pondered what to include in her letter, her thoughts turned towards the conversations from dinner. As tiring as it had been to be nice to Snape, the volleying of opinions between them had been quite refreshing. He seemed unmoved by her in depth understanding of DADA, but she had been impressed by him, because aside from his disagreeable approach, his intellect intrigued her and if he proved this adept in DADA, she was curious to see his skills in potion making. If tonight's dealings with Snape were any sign of what the rest of the year might be like, Narnia couldn't help but think that it may not be that bad after all. 


	8. The Discovery

Chapter 8  
  
The sunlight invading the hallways of Hogwarts, warming all that passed through them, gave Narnia the impression that today would start off on the right foot. She preferred this type of day, the one that only the onset of autumn could bring, with its crisp cool air, warm sunlight, cloudless blue sky, and the feeling of a fresh start. The fact that she had to remain inside for a good portion of it disappointed her, but she hoped that she could scrape a few minutes together in the afternoon and escape outside to breathe the fresh air and let the sun warm her face.  
  
On her way from the Great Hall that morning, to her classroom, she passed many students. Most seemed rather friendly and even went as far as to speak. The first years were fairly easy to detect. Panic-stricken faces stuck out like neon lights and on one occasion Narnia had approached two Hufflepuffs who were in need of direction.  
  
"Where are you off to? I'll try to be of assistance," Narnia stated.  
  
"Transfiguration," one of the students squeaked.  
  
"Ah. I do believe Professor McGonagall's classroom is in that direction. Second door on your left." Narnia ushered them along, and proceeded to make her way to her own room. Outside her door, sixth year Gryffindors stood waiting for her arrival. She had wondered when she would have the opportunity to meet Mr. Potter and when she had received her teaching assignments the previous week, she was delighted to see that their introduction would not be delayed.  
  
"Good morning, class. Please, come in and be seated." Narnia instructed, walking to her desk and putting down the books she had been carrying. "For future reference, you may come in and be seated before my arrival. I trust, being older students, that you will not ransack my room in my absence." A few of the students chuckled and Narnia found this comforting, as she had been working hard to not let her nerves display themselves across her face. She laughed, as well, and leaning back against the front of her desk, she began to address them. "As your new DADA teacher, I am aware that since your first year at Hogwarts, you have had no continuity in this class. As I have been told, there are some considerable gaps in your knowledge in this discipline of magic and my job is to fill those holes and help you surpass what you already know. It has also been made known to me some of the challenges that many of you have already faced, and I look forward to learning from you, as well. This classroom is our classroom, not mine. We will work together and help one another. Therefore, throughout the year, each of you will have the opportunity to instruct this class." At this, Narnia noticed a few of the students had shifted in their seats and traded nervous glances. She had expected this though. She continued. "This will all be with my assistance of course. I will work through the entire process with you and I'm confident that you will find the task rewarding. You will have adequate preparation time and the topic will not be anything that cannot be researched thoroughly in the library." In the front row, a hand shot up.  
  
"Professor, when can we expect this to begin?"  
  
"Miss Granger, is it?" Narnia asked. From what she had been told of Hermione Granger, her inquiry came as no surprise. Upon hearing about the young witch and her talents, Narnia had found herself looking forward to having her in class.  
  
"Yes, Professor," Hermione replied.  
  
"I would like to start at the beginning of October, which should give us all a little more time to become better acquainted with one another. I will assign you topics before that time, however, as I'm sure some of you will be anxious to begin your research." Narnia smiled, knowingly, at Hermione.  
  
"Now, we need to gauge where exactly all of us stand on our knowledge of DADA." The remainder of the class time was spent in evaluating exactly what the Gryffindors knew and what they did not. Narnia discovered many extremes among the students' understanding. She was able to quickly identify which students her uncle had alluded to and Narnia knew their guidance in the class would be detrimental.  
  
Narnia dismissed the Gryffindors for their next class and as they were leaving, she took the opportunity to speak with Harry.  
  
"Mr. Potter, may I have a word?" Narnia asked. Two of his classmates, one being Miss Granger, offered to wait for him outside. "Miss Granger and I presume, Mr. Weasley, you may stay. What I have to say to Mr. Potter will apply to you as well." Harry, Ron, and Hermione approached Narnia's desk.  
  
"I have heard a great deal about the three of you and I will say that I'm looking forward to working with you this year. I, along with your classmates, will depend upon your leadership, in and out of class. Let's hope that I can teach this class well enough so that any secret DADA groups will be unnecessary." Narnia smiled at them and the three students seemed to loosen up a bit. She continued. "My door is always open to you. If you need me for anything, please don't hesitate, even if it seems trivial. These days, nothing can be taken for granted."  
  
"Thanks, Professor," the three Gryffindors replied.  
  
"You may go now. I'll see the three of you at dinner." Narnia watched as they left the classroom. So much maturity had shown on Harry, Ron, and Hermione's faces. Some of their innocence lost. Most adults would never experience in a lifetime what these three sixteen year olds had faced already. Their involvement in the war against Voldemort didn't offer them the carefree pleasures that others their age had.  
  
Narnia was soon shaken from her thoughts when she noticed an antsy first year student standing outside her door. She had one more class before breaking for lunch and after that, she would head outside to clear her mind.  
  
The morning had passed by rather quickly and even though she had been rather anxious to teach, she found it satisfying and comfortable. Walking out onto the grounds, she noticed that many students had the same desire that she did and finding a patch of grass where she could be alone and free of distraction was going to take some searching out. When she found a suitable place, she sat down, legs stretched in front of her, propped up by her arms, leaning back to let the sun hit her face. It always amazed her how the sunlight seemed to warm her right down to her very soul. Despite all the happenings of the day, it was a lazy afternoon and she wished she could waste the day away enjoying the Hogwarts' grounds. She loved days like this when she could let every thought drift away and she could lose herself in thinking of absolutely nothing. Just as she let out a sigh, a grumble resounded inside her stomach and she knew she would have to grab a bite to eat before finishing out the day's classes. She stood up from her place on the ground, picked up her things and headed back into the castle.  
  
Before making her way to the Great Hall, Narnia remembered that she had wanted to stop by the library to check on a book. Her interaction with Snape last night at dinner had left her feeling confident in her knowledge of DADA, but it had occurred to her this morning that if he had asked her one thing about potion making, the tone of the conversation between them would have quickly turned to his favor. She doubted her skills in potions were better than most second year students and she knew she had to do something to remedy this. She knew what most potions were used for, but what they consisted of and how to make them was unknown to her. She wanted to improve herself, above anything, but also didn't want to give Snape any open doors to humiliate her. If he kept interrogating her, it would only be a matter of time before he discovered her weakness in potions. She knew that there wasn't any possible way to learn everything she would need to know to contend with Snape on the subject, but she had to better prepare herself. She had seen a first year carrying her potions book into class that morning and she decided that would be a good starting point.  
  
Madam Pince gave Narnia a speculating look when she brought Magical Drafts and Potions to the desk to be checked out. Narnia simply said, "Just wanting to check on something," and left, continuing on her way to lunch. She thought it best to drop off her things in her room before going to eat, and realizing that she was running short on time, she quickened her pace. Turning the corner, leading to the staff quarters, she stopped abruptly, dropping everything she had been carrying. She almost lost her balance when the person she had ran into reached out and steadied her, latching onto her upper arms.  
  
"Do be more careful, Professor," Snape stated, looking slightly annoyed. He let go of his grip on her and admonishing her with his glare, bent down to help collect her things.  
  
Remembering that she had just left the library, Narnia quickly stooped down and hurriedly began to pick up her belongings.  
  
"Thank you, Professor, I do believe I can clean up the rest of this," she replied, in an effort to keep Snape from discovering the first year potions' book. "I do apologize for." Dread overcame her. She had looked up and in his hand, Snape was holding the very thing she least wanted him to. He looked up at her and instantly his expression changed from bewilderment to revelation. The pleasure that he was taking in this sudden understanding only sickened Narnia more. Snape stood up, Narnia along with him, grasping onto the clutter in her arms.  
  
"Enlighten me, Professor. Can you give me just three of the ingredients in the Polyjuice Potion?" he asked of her, his voice triumphant and cruel.  
  
Narnia knew she couldn't answer and in this situation it wouldn't be prudent to try. She would not shrink back into a corner, though, like a wounded animal. It would only give him more reason to degrade her. Excuses would not do, she would have to be honest with him. She took the book from him. "I will not deny that I lack in my knowledge of potions and do wish to improve myself in that area. I do hope, you being the Potions Master of this school, that you will not hinder me, but help me."  
  
For a moment, they stood in silence. Down the corridor, a bell rang ending lunch and sounding out the beginning of the afternoon periods.  
  
"We will continue this discussion later," Snape replied and turned the corner, striding out of sight.  
  
Narnia stood there momentarily, then shaking herself from a stupor, walked to her classroom. Snape knew her weakness and there was nothing she could do about it now, but face it head on. She fully expected him to exploit this new information at dinner and her only defense would be to suffer his remarks. Worst of all, she had asked for his assistance. She wasn't sure why she had done so, but wondered if he took her seriously. The opportunity to belittle her even more would be too enticing and she wished she hadn't requested his help. She shrugged the thought off, knowing that there were more important things to give her attention to.  
  
The last two periods of the day trickled by unceremoniously and Narnia returned to her chambers to prepare for dinner. Tidying her hair and looking back at her reflection in the mirror, she thought again of her afternoon encounter with Snape. Given the opportunity, she was sure that he would turn this new insight against her, making every effort to embarrass her in front of the other teachers. As she tried to picture the looks on their faces, she found herself unconcerned with their reactions. Glancing away from the mirror, she realized what was bothering her the most. 


	9. Daydreams

Chapter 9  
  
Two weeks had passed since Narnia had collided with Snape in the corridors and he had not spoken a word on the matter. The fact that he remained silent about his knowledge of her potions skills somewhat surprised her, but she found his secrecy more nerve racking than if he would have announced what he knew to the entire school. She knew it was not a matter of his forgetting about the incident. His silence ate away at her and even though she maintained her composure in his presence, she found it hard to remain nonchalant under the scrutiny of his glare. Sitting next to him at dinner was sometimes easier than passing by him in the halls. She didn't have to suffer his piercing glances while at his side. Narnia knew he was aware of her anxiety and his silent tactic was working. What he didn't know was how little Narnia was concerned about him telling anyone.  
  
Despite this tension between them, Narnia didn't let it affect her resolve to learn more about potion making. Even though Narnia had made it through the fourth year potions book, the process became frustrating at times. She found it simple to study the ingredients and instructions, but she knew the act of making each potion was where she lacked and until she had that practice, she felt that she was just wasting her time. She knew the only way to achieve this was to go to Snape and ask for use of his materials. This was not a possibility Narnia was willing to consider.  
  
Narnia had retreated to the solitude of her room after dinner that evening. Since her arrival at Hogwarts, she had been delighted with sunny autumn days, but today had been dreary, rainy, and cold. The idea of sitting by the fireplace all evening had been lingering in her mind since her morning classes and by the end of the day she could think of nothing else. Once she had entered her quarters, she slipped into her nightgown and threw her bathrobe around her for the extra warmth. She loosened the bun in her hair and her long auburn tresses cascaded to her waste. She grabbed the potions book she had been reading and settled into an oversized chair next to the fire. She sat staring at the dancing orange and red flames, feeling relaxation settling in throughout her body. Looking down at the potions book, she sighed heavily. "Why am I doing this?" she asked herself. As she thought about the events of the past two weeks, she found herself surprised at how she had been reacting to all of it. A thought kept popping up in her mind and Narnia always dismissed it as quickly as it came to her. Why should she concern herself with how Snape sees her? Why did that matter to her? "This is ridiculous," she mumbled to herself and chuckled. "Enough of this." She laid down the book and looking at it, said, "You're going back to the library tomorrow."  
  
Entranced by the crackling of the logs in the hearth, Narnia hardly noticed the knock on her door. Wrapping her robe around her, she made her way across the room. Opening the door, she was surprised to see Snape standing on the other side.  
  
"Severus," Narnia faltered. Snape was the last person she expected to see at her door. She realized that she had never addressed him by his first name and wasn't sure why she had picked this moment to do so. Snape remained silent, briefly, and as if pulling himself from a far off thought, spoke swiftly and to the point.  
  
"If your interest in potions remains as it was two weeks ago, then you will be in my office tomorrow evening at seven o'clock. Do not be late." Just as he turned to leave, Narnia called him back.  
  
"Professor?" Snape slowed and turned to face her. Narnia cleared her throat. "I realize that in this instance I am in need of your expertise and I am grateful for your willingness to assist me. However, I would make one request."  
  
Snape glared at her. Narnia continued, choosing her words carefully, wanting to avoid confrontation. "In order for this arrangement to be successful, I think a healthy respect for one another should be present. After all, we are colleagues."  
  
Narnia knew thoughts were stirring behind Snape's eyes. However, he shared none of them with her and she was thankful. She understood how his words could hurt. "Will that be all?" he asked, his voice displaying his irritation with her comment. Narnia nodded in acknowledgement and he departed.  
  
Shutting the door behind her, Narnia made her way to bed. It had been two weeks since she had asked for his assistance and he had just now approached her about the matter. She clenched her teeth. By asking for his help, she had presented him with the chance, yet again, to put her on pins and needles. A thought occurred to her. That was what she had been doing. Handing him opportunities to intimidate her. "No more," she thought.  
  
As she lay staring up at the canopy of her bed, Narnia scolded herself for investing so much concern in what Snape thought of her. She knew it was causing some of her problem. It was clouding her head and her judgement. He had shown no difference in how he treated her before and after he discovered how little she knew about potion making, but this assessment didn't reassure her. Why did she care what he thought? Since the night of the Sorting, she had found herself wanting to make a good impression on him and so far she wasn't faring so well. She sighed. "I'm acting like a sixteen year-old," she muttered, slightly disgusted with herself.  
  
Exhausted from picking it all apart, Narnia rolled onto her side and closed her eyes. An image of Snape standing in her doorway flashed through her mind, suddenly. It had been subtle, but for a fleeting moment, Narnia had hoped he would slide his arm around her waist and indulge her by touching his lips to hers. She had felt this before, in the corridor, when she had accidentally walked into him. Her thoughts had surprised her as quickly as she had thought them. He had reached out and steadied her, firmly, but not in a harsh manner. There had been several occasions over the past two weeks where she had to stir herself from daydreams, in which she kept picturing herself close to him, wondering what it would be like.  
  
Narnia pulled her pillow over her head trying to suffocate her thoughts. Snape had repeatedly treated her as if she were no better than the dirt under his shoe. Why was she feeling this way about him? It didn't make sense. What was it about him? As irritating as his manner could be, she couldn't help but think that there was more to him than what he showed. Perhaps she was mistaking feelings for simple curiosity. Why had she wanted to kiss him though?  
  
Narnia knew that thoughts such as these would not do if she was going to be working so closely with him. She must be honest with herself. Oddly enough, she was attracted to him and now she had to find a way to suppress it. Spending time one on one with him did not seem to be a likely solution to the problem, quite the opposite, in fact. The risk of her feelings being revealed was too great. If he were to ever find out how she felt, he would certainly make life uneasy for her. She would simply show up tomorrow evening, thank him for his willingness to assist her and inform him that she had given it some thought and had changed her mind on the matter.  
  
Narnia wasn't sure exactly when she drifted off to sleep or for how long she slept, but dark still covered the world outside, when she awoke quite suddenly. She had enjoyed two weeks of uninterrupted sleep. She had dreamed, of course, pleasant dreams of home and Gran and things of a whimsical nature, but nothing to awake her in such an abrupt manner. When she hadn't dreamed of him again, she thought the worst. Each time she found herself in that forest, running for him, the man raising his wand had always began to mutter something, and even though Narnia woke up before hearing what it was, she knew he had intended to kill. Seeing the same scene in her dream tonight gave her a small bit of hope. He had to be alive, somewhere. Again, she had almost reached him and she wondered what would happen if she actually ever did touch him. She slid her legs over the edge of her four-poster bed, rubbing her forehead with her fingers. There was no need to write this in her journal, nothing in the dream had changed. Dreams of him had repeated themselves before, so it was not unusual, but something was different this time. 


	10. Lesson One

Chapter 10  
  
The last hours before sunrise stretched themselves almost making time stand still. Narnia had not been able to escape the haunting feeling of her dream and she had spent the remainder of the night in thought, trying to gain new perspective on what the vision could mean. She paced the floor mostly, muttering to herself to keep a train of thought, only stopping when realizing the idea was impossible. She would sit down next to the fire for a moment and then return to her pacing, thinking the problem over again. Glancing up, briefly, she had noticed some of her students' papers lying on her desk. Today was a full day of teaching for her and it would be a struggle to make it through, working on so little sleep and her mind already overworked. "At least it's Friday," she mumbled.  
  
Narnia arrived at breakfast early. The hot shower had recharged her momentarily, but the picture from her dream kept flashing through her mind. At the Head Table, it had taken her uncle several attempts to draw her from her thoughts.  
  
"Narnia," he stated, his hand upon her shoulder.  
  
Narnia looked up at him and noticed the inquisitive concern displayed on Dumbledore's face. She realized several other professors had looked in her direction as well, slightly curious as to what would keep her so deep in thought.  
  
"Sorry, sir. My mind was somewhere else just now. I do apologize," Narnia offered.  
  
"Do not make yourself uneasy my dear. I just wished to say 'Good morning'," Dumbledore replied.  
  
Narnia smiled back at him, replying almost apologetically, "Good morning." She looked at the food displayed on the table, all of it looking wonderful, but none of it tempting her appetite. Knowing she must eat something, she grabbed a pastry and washed it down with some pumpkin juice. She got up to leave from the table, wanting to spend the time before her first class focusing her thoughts and energy on her lessons. She barely noticed that Snape had just approached the Head Table and she offered him nothing more than a quick "Good morning, Professor," as she departed the Hall. Despite her attempts, Narnia found it hard to set aside the memory of the dream the night before and it would creep back into her mind at the most inopportune moments. The day's schedule was painstaking and she was happy to see its end. She had skipped lunch, hoping to catch a quick nap, but each time she closed her eyes, pictures of him would flash through her mind. Trying to purge herself of these visions was even more tiring and she eventually gave up, reminding herself that there were only two more classes to go.  
  
With the burden of the day's tasks over, Narnia did feel a sense of relief and was able to enjoy the evening meal. Her uncle had patted her on the shoulder as he passed by, making his way to his seat. She returned his gesture with a faint smile and resumed filling her glass. After finishing her meal, a good night's sleep was all she could think of and the sooner she could return to her room, the better. With her energy focused elsewhere, she had completely forgotten that she was to meet Snape in his office that evening.  
  
Returning to her chambers, Narnia closed the door and leaned against it, laying her head back and sighing in relief. She stood there for a moment, allowing the door to support her. In all her memory, she couldn't think of a day that went on longer. She was glad to see its end. Standing up again, she made her way across the room, unfastening her robes as she went. Laying them across the back of her chair, her eyes met the unreturned Potions book lying on the table. "Will this day never end?" she said aloud.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Narnia left her rooms and headed for Snape's office. As she made her way through the corridors, she couldn't help but think of herself as a wounded, defenseless animal, walking into its predator's lair. She could muster no defense and he would sense this, and use it to his advantage. Despite realizing this, she seemed not to be bothered by it. She only hoped that when Snape brought forth his verbal onslaught that she would not make any comment that she may later feel guilt for. She had arrived at his door and before entering, thought to herself. "Well, at least it will be brief. I will simply thank him for his offer, decline, and bid him good night."  
  
Narnia knocked on the door and waited to be greeted by Snape. She waited to hear footsteps, but no sound came from within. Cautiously, she opened the door and peered in. The Potions Master was nowhere to be seen and her curiosity getting the better of her, Narnia stepped in to have a closer look. It was not as though Snape's office was warm and inviting, but it was his and the opportunity of discovering anything about him was too alluring. Now desiring the warmth of her robes, she wrapped her arms tightly around her waist and glanced around the room. Jars were lined on shelf after shelf and behind a desk, stacks of books. In the center of the room, there was a cauldron and on the table beside it, knives and measuring utensils. These items appeared to be set out for her first lesson. He had made preparations for her and refusing his assistance no longer seemed proper. It would be rude, actually, as Narnia was sure that he had other things he could be doing with his time than instructing her on things she should already know. Besides, he would be more apt to believe her sudden disinterest after one lesson than if she were to refuse before having any at all. Now all she had to do was wait for him to come back and they could begin.  
  
Narnia walked over to the stacks of books and bending down, ran her fingers along their spines, reading each title. A fire suddenly erupted in the hearth, and turning her head, Narnia watched as Snape made his way across the room. He had not startled her, but she had realized her forwardness in entering his office in his absence. His thoughts seemed to be somewhere else and when he approached his desk, he fumbled through pieces of parchment, as if looking for something. Standing up, Narnia prepared to apologize for her intrusion, but before she could begin, Snape spoke.  
  
"You are late." Apparently not finding what he was looking for, he walked to a smaller desk and began opening drawers. "However, from the state you have been in today, I am surprised that you are here at all." He resigned his search and lifted his head to look at Narnia, brows raised, as if waiting for an explanation.  
  
"As am I, Professor." Before Narnia could make further reply, Snape gestured to the area of the room where the cauldron was located. Narnia proceeded to take a seat as Snape sat down immediately facing her. His close proximity didn't escape her. She felt uneasy and yet something about his nearness soothed her.  
  
"We shall begin with a simple potion this evening, Professor," Snape stated matter-of-factly. "I have written down the ingredients and procedure." He handed Narnia the parchment that contained his notes. Narnia glanced down the page. She wondered if he would give brief instruction on reading his handwriting, and briefly smiling to herself, turned her attentions back to the Potions Master. "I will demonstrate the preparation of the ingredients and then I will leave you to perform the steps on your own." Narnia nodded her head in acknowledgement. She watched carefully as he meticulously cut up the first of the items. Though she was sure he had done this so many times he could do it with his eyes shut or in his sleep, she was impressed by the complete devotion of his attention to the task. They remained silent as Snape continued to exhibit the technique Narnia would need to use.  
  
"Severus, why did you agree to assist me?" Narnia asked suddenly. He stopped momentarily and then returned to the final part of his task. She watched as she waited for him to answer.  
  
"You are to finish the preparations in the manner that I have shown and complete the potion," he stated, his voice carrying almost a stillness that surprised her. He handed her the utensil he had been using and she proceeded to do as he had instructed. He watched her briefly and then took residence at his desk, attending to other matters. She wondered if her question had been too forward and she realized that in feeling a moment of easiness around him, she had perhaps overstepped her bounds. She continued her preparations.  
  
"Your willingness to.further your understanding in this area of magic is admirable, Professor." As he spoke, Narnia stopped what she had been doing to look up at him. His focus remained on his desk, as he scratched his quill across a piece of parchment. The same stillness was present in his voice and Narnia was shocked at his forthright compliment. He continued. "If any other member of the Hogwarts' staff was to teach this class, it would be mediocre, at best. I daresay that Potions is not among their top priorities, yet their dependency upon it repeatedly shows itself. It would do them well to share your attitude." He glanced up at her briefly, his demeanor stating that the subject would not be discussed further.  
  
Narnia directed her attentions back to the potion. Realizing that she was not the only professor at Hogwarts in need of Potions instruction encouraged her, but Snape's compliment left her determined to do well. From what she knew of him already, any kind word was not easily earned. She was now ready to begin adding ingredients to the cauldron. She was hesitant, but thought it best to gain Snape's approval before beginning. Fatigue was setting in and she would rather interrupt him than have to start all over. She leaned her head back, closing her eyes, and rolled her neck from side to side.  
  
"Is this boring for you, Professor?"  
  
Narnia quickly opened her eyes, only to find that Snape had approached the desk. His look was inquisitive.  
  
"No, Professor. It has simply been a.tiresome day," Narnia replied, looking away, feeling an overwhelming sense that if she had held his stare any longer, he would surely discover the source of her exhaustion.  
  
"Ah." Snape's tone implied disbelief. "Well, in that case, you are ready for the next step."  
  
After adding all the ingredients and stirring the potion once before brewing, Narnia stood up and walked to the hearth. She had greeted the warmth of the fire earlier, but now it seemed to be fighting against her, draining what remaining energy she had. Her evening with Snape had turned out to be quite different than what she had expected. He had, indeed, honored her request to be professional. Conversation had been kept to a minimum and to the subject at hand, but she had felt comfortable in his presence, even among his silence. He offered his assistance when needed and kept to himself and his work at all other times. She wondered if he spent much time in the company of others, outside of staff meetings and meal times. She turned to look at him. He remained at his desk, bent over a book, reading a passage as he trailed the words with his index finger, his other hand supporting his head. She found herself absorbed in studying him. She felt drawn to him, but her feet remained rooted to the floor. He darted his eyes in her direction and she hastily turned back to the fireplace. Her heart began to race and she tried to control her breathing.  
  
"It is my understanding that you are a member of the Order," Narnia stated, turning to look at him again. Snape closed the book and placed it on the desk. He walked over to the cauldron where her potion was brewing, glanced in, and then joined her at the fireplace. Pulling out his wand, he provided two chairs and motioned for her to sit down. She had simply expected a yes or no response and for the subject to then be closed. His reaction puzzled her. He sat down opposite her and she waited for him to speak.  
  
"I trust that the Headmaster has pointed out to you the possible costs of your allegiance to the Order."  
  
"Yes, he has. He made it quite clear, but on some level, I expected it." Narnia replied.  
  
Snape eyed her for a moment, before continuing. "Tell me, Professor, as you seem to be a person of. considerable intelligence, do you think it wise to make such a commitment with so little knowledge as to what you are agreeing to?"  
  
Narnia stared at him, before offering a reply. Disdain and condescension dripped from his words. "All the knowledge I needed to make that decision, I already had. Voldemort." Narnia stopped, noticing Snape tightening his grip on the armchair until his knuckles were white. She continued, "..had indeed returned and those willing to stand against him were joining together."  
  
"You make it sound so simple, when it is quite complex." Snape offered, an agitation apparent in his voice.  
  
"Perhaps you would like to explain it to me then, Professor, unless you feel that someone of your high intellectual standing would have a difficult time simplifying the matter to someone of my. considerable intelligence." The words had found their way out before Narnia could stop them. She had spoken them calmly, but they signaled her irritation with his comment. She was too weary to care.  
  
"I believe your potion to be ready," Snape stated, his lip curling slightly. He seemed pleased at her annoyance. He walked over to the cauldron, stirring the contents. "Next week, we will proceed to a more difficult draft. I consider you capable of handling it." With a wave of his wand, the area had been cleaned up.  
  
"Very well. Good night." Narnia turned and left, not wanting to spend another moment in his company. She was glad to finally reach the isolation of her room. Without much concern for changing into her nightgown, she fell into bed immediately, hoping for a full night's rest. 


	11. Respect Earned

Thanks to all of you out there who have been reading and sending your comments. Your feedback is appreciated and quite addictive I might add. Being my first fan fic, I'm not expecting to shoot the moon, but my hope is to successfully put my mental ramblings into words.  
  
Chapter 11  
  
By mid-October, Narnia was finding herself quite comfortable with her new surroundings. Hogwarts was feeling more like home and she enjoyed its pace. The routine could be exhaustive at times, as it seemed that at least one night out of the week she went without sleep. Her dreams were still haunting her, on a regular basis now, but as with everything else, she became used to them. All other matters were to her liking. The weather, she would say, could stand to be a bit warmer, but it was only a slight inconvenience compared to all there was to enjoy. She had also heard from Gran, twice now, and apart from missing her granddaughter, all seemed well at home.  
  
Narnia's rapport with her students was to her delight, as she felt she had gained their confidence and respect. She had never been able to achieve a bond with the Slytherin students as she had with the other houses, but she guessed this normal, as they only seemed to show devotion to their Head of House. Her relationship with the Head of Slytherin had not improved a great deal, yet it had not deteriorated either. After her first Potions' lesson and much deliberation, she had abandoned her decision to decline his instruction. Despite her frustration following their first meeting, she found herself wishing to learn more from him and the one compliment that he had offered her left her craving more of his approval. Upon first meeting Severus Snape, she had no desire for his confidence and she had made this plain to him. She loathed him and his behavior towards her. Whatever it had been that had changed her mind and feelings on the matter had crept in, secretly, and had spread infectiously.  
  
When she would arrive for her tutoring, she would find the necessary items ready for her, along with his scribblings on parchment. Other than offering guidance occasionally, he would keep to himself, allowing her to work. This arrangement was suitable to her and therefore, she continued her study. She was not naïve enough to believe that he had agreed to teach her simply out of appreciation for her wanting to improve her skills. This weekly arrangement was benefiting his purposes as well as hers. With her attentions on the assignment, he could study her uninterrupted and begin to form his conclusions about her. Even though she never caught him watching her, she always felt his gaze. His presence, she was always aware of; it seemed to tug at her ceaselessly. Rarely did she feel intimidated by his scrutiny, but increasingly, she found herself longing for his trust. Knowing he was dissecting her every action, she made extra effort to handle every chore with care and perfection. She hoped through her diligence he would eventually come to consider her trustworthy.  
  
It had been a month since Narnia began meeting with Snape and as her knowledge of magical drafts improved, so did their unspoken respect for one another. Snape's praises did not come in the form of comment, but simply a nod of approval at the finish of each brew. It became her practice to stand by the fire while her potion would simmer and she would trade glances between the flames and Snape, watching as he poured over student work, muttering to himself in irritation at a student's obvious mistake or commenting in surprise at a pupil's understanding of a concept. She did not make it habit to gawk, but her admiration for his dedication to all that was under his care was increasing. On evenings that required a longer brewing period for her potion, she would grab a book from one of the stacks behind his desk and take her place by the fire, or if he seemed caught up on his work, she would draw him into conversation, often times it leading into a debate over their differing opinions. Discussion remained limited, but when present, Narnia found herself deflecting his jabs before he had the opportunity to fully utilize them. She kept sarcasm at bay and gave him gentle, yet succinct response, in the same manner that she had seen her uncle do on countless occasions. This tactic appeared successful for Dumbledore and she had decided to adopt it herself.  
  
Narnia was conscious that Snape would welcome her growing security around him. The more comfortable she felt in his company, the more damage he could inflict. He would use this to his gain and of course, at the time in which he felt it would best suit his purposes. His sarcastic wit and biting remarks were never very far away and Narnia remained a victim to them from time to time. Piercing and as hurtful as they could be, she refrained from reply when in the company of others, knowing that receiving his comments only came at a small price. The time spent with him was something she was starting to look forward to, and though unsure, she thought she sensed the same from him. She could tell that he was growing in easiness around her, perhaps finally coming to trust her, and it hadn't escaped her that possibly his cutting words came only as a means to keep her at arms length.  
  
Professor Dumbledore had been informed of the weekly appointment his niece was keeping with the Potions Master, almost immediately after Snape had decided to tutor her. The Headmaster had expressed his pleasure to Narnia upon hearing about the matter and was glad to she that she was willing to capitalize upon her time spent at Hogwarts. Dumbledore also pointed out his relief in noticing that Professor Snape had apparently recovered from his dissatisfaction in Narnia's addition to the staff.  
  
"Severus tells me that you are a bit beyond where he expected you to be at this point," Dumbledore stated, glancing at Narnia over his half-moon spectacles, a grin flirting on his face. He had asked Narnia to join him in his office for the afternoon, hoping for a chance to catch up with her since he had been quite busy after her arrival and had not had the chance to do so. She sat across from him, enjoying her cup of tea and smiled at the apparent impression she had made on Snape.  
  
"Good." Narnia stood and went to refill her cup. "I think it would be good practice for him to find himself mistaken on occasion." She paused to stir her tea, then posted herself next to the window, looking out across the grounds. "In all fairness, a good deal of what I've been able to accomplish is a result of his skill and high expectations. I find he's not someone I would want to disappoint or for that matter, have fighting against me."  
  
"It seems you are not the only one gaining respect in the matter." Narnia met her uncle's eyes briefly before turning away. She could feel a slight heat rising in her face and she wondered if she had spoken too highly of Professor Snape, giving Dumbledore cause to suspect the growing attachment on Narnia's part. "True, that we are very fortunate to have his loyalties. Severus has always been resourceful, and demanding, perhaps more so on himself than others, though many do not perceive it that way, but as you stated a little exercise in being 'mistaken on occasion' is undoubtedly healthy for him." Dumbledore hesitated briefly and Narnia turned to face him. "When the occasion presents itself, if possible, I find he fares better to discover his miscalculation on his own. When it is pointed out to him, there always seems to be some aftermath to tidy up." Narnia understood her uncle's last statement as insight she may find herself in need of and decided it best to leave the subject at that.  
  
"As interesting and complex as our Potions Master is, there are other subjects I wish to speak with you on." The Headmaster's tone implied a touch of humor, but indicated that he would need Narnia's entire concentration. Understanding this, she again took her seat opposite him.  
  
"Members of the Order will be meeting next week to discuss any recent happenings of significance. Depending on what information is brought forth, we may need to form certain strategies and begin putting them in place. Not everyone will be in attendance, but since it will be the first meeting since your joining us, I would like for you to be present." Narnia silently agreed with the nod of her head, waiting for her uncle to go on. "Hagrid will take you into Hogsmeade where you will meet with Remus Lupin. I'm sure by now you know a little of him."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"He will accompany you to the Order's Headquarters. I want it known that I have complete confidence in your ability to protect yourself, however, until you are comfortable with the location and assured of who you can trust and who you cannot, I would rather you travel with a reliable escort. You are to meet Lupin at the Three Broomsticks on Saturday morning. I believe it to be a good idea for you to arrive somewhat earlier than everyone else in order for acquaintances to be made since there are several people you have yet not met."  
  
"Of course. I must say it will be a relief to gain more insight into the workings of the Order." Narnia replied, considering the question that Snape had thrown at her during their first meeting. She had agreed to help, after receiving little information, but her intuition led her to believe she was making the right choice. Nothing had given her reason to feel otherwise, not even Snape's suspicion.  
  
"Do not fret over it, my dear. All will be revealed in time. We have left no one to their own devices yet and we shall not coax you into our midst, only to leave you blind to our operations. You have too sharp an intellect to find yourself standing on the sidelines and your thoughts will be invaluable, I am sure."  
  
The remainder of her afternoon tea with Dumbledore was spent in more light- hearted conversation. She shared with him dealings from her first months of teaching and asked his opinions on several matters, including the content of her lessons, as well as her approach. He commended her for her work thus far and she found his advice quite enlightening. The topic of her grandmother always arrived in their discussions at some point, due to her nearness to both of their hearts. Narnia appreciated hearing her uncle's narratives from their youth as it made the distance between her and Gran seem somewhat smaller. In turn, she knew of her uncle's enjoyment at hearing her accounts. Time and circumstance had led the siblings down different roads, inevitably causing their closeness to fade and now, as he listened to his niece tell of those moments he had not been witness to, the gaps somehow seemed to close in. At times such as these, Narnia was saddened that she had missed the opportunity to know her uncle sooner, yet she was thankful she was at least offered the chance to. Their afternoon chats, though few, were dear to her. Before closing his office door behind her, she stole one quick glance back at him, watching as he stroked Fawkes' wing. She had never found it easy to place even the smallest amount of faith in a man, but to her surprise, that all seemed to be changing. 


	12. Previous Engagement

Chapter 12  
  
Those familiar butterflies in the pit of her stomach, which had become her close friends upon arriving at Hogwarts, had made a return visit and seemed to excite themselves each time Narnia would think about Saturday's meeting of the Order. With one day from her weekend tied up, she knew she would have to spread out her workload over the weekdays, or spend the following week in chaos, catching up. Instead of returning to her rooms each night after dinner, she would make her way back to her office, somewhat thankful for the distraction, as thoughts of Saturday's gathering were delayed for awhile. She had also started her individual consultations with her students, in order to discuss their progress in developing the lessons they would soon be teaching to their classmates. Due to the amount of students that were in her classroom, day in and day out, she left this privilege of peer instruction to the fifth years and above. It had been no one's surprise that Hermione Granger had signed up to go first among the sixth year Gryffindors. Since she had inflicted this assignment on her pupils, Narnia felt it only fair to allow them the freedom to make their presentations when they felt confident to do so. She was somewhat hesitant for Hermione to be the pace setter, due to the standard she would undoubtedly set, but Narnia decided in the end it would challenge the other students accordingly. She had set up a meeting with Miss Granger for mid- week, after the evening meal. She sat listening intently to the sixth year, making mental notes, when a knock at her door derailed her train of thought. Hermione stopped speaking and looked up at her, then followed Narnia's gaze towards her office door.  
  
"Come in," Narnia called, realizing her voice had sounded a bit aggravated, which had not been her intention.  
  
Opening the door, Professor Snape stepped in, swift in manner and eyes lingering about the room. His gaze fell upon the young Gryffindor, willing her to turn her attentions away from his presence. When she obliged, he slowly raised his stare to Narnia. Narnia was reminded of the last time he had appeared at her door and how she had desired his closeness. Shifting nervously in her seat, tucking the memory away, she cleared her throat.  
  
"Is there something I can do for you, Professor?" The words came casual and Narnia was glad they had not betrayed her sudden discomfort at his being there.  
  
"Our appointment for this Friday will have to be postponed. I will have other matters in need of my attention." He awaited her acknowledgement. When she had replied with, "very well," he made to leave the office. She watched him move across the room, in complete ease. Grasping the door handle, he exited the room as dramatically as he had entered it. Her attentions remained on the place that he had just filled and remembering the conversation he had just interrupted, she turned her eyes to her student.  
  
Looking back at Hermione, she was not ignorant of the question in her expression. Hermione looked down at her parchment, scrambling for distraction. Allowing the situation to pass without explanation would only permit the Gryffindor to derive her own conclusions, ones she was already forming.  
  
"I would expect that what I am about to tell you to remain between you and I, Miss Granger." She waited for Hermione to meet her stare. Hermione nodded her head in consent, looking as if Christmas had come early, and Professor Fairling continued. "I am abysmal at Potions making, though making improvements with the aid of Professor Snape. It was not a course in my studies growing up and I feel it a professional obligation to improve myself in that area. I hope I have made myself clear on my appointments with my colleague." She lifted her brows in question, and only relaxed them when Hermione accepted her explanation.  
  
"Quite, Professor," she stated, a mixture of embarrassment and guilt in her tone, a slight show of disappointment on her face. What Hermione had expected to hear, Narnia could only guess, but the topic was now closed and there were more important things to discuss.  
  
"No matter, Miss Granger. Now, may we continue with your lesson?" As Hermione resumed to detail her lecture, her words seemed to fade away as Narnia's repeated themselves in her mind. She was sure that Hermione had accepted this reasoning for her meetings with Professor Snape, yet Narnia wondered if the explanation hadn't been more of an effort to convince her own logic.  
  
* * * *  
  
With her Friday evening session with Snape cancelled, Narnia had some time to relax before Saturday. She was grateful for the break, yet found herself restless and wearing a path in the floor of her rooms. Snape's reasons for canceling left no intricate explanations and she was curious if it pertained to tomorrow's meeting. Due to the delicate nature of the circumstances, it was understandable that he had not given further details in front of a student, but she had wondered if he would have obliged her even if Miss Granger had not been in her office that evening. Thinking of the time spent with Severus Snape, she felt confident that she had formed both a professional relationship and friendship with the Potions Master. Therefore, she resigned herself to believe that if it had been necessary he would have informed her of the reasoning behind the postponement. She stopped her pacing, only to plop down in the oversized chair residing by the fireplace.  
  
He had not been in attendance for dinner this evening.  
  
Perhaps he was arriving early at headquarters in preparation for the meeting.  
  
Perhaps not.  
  
Sitting up, thumbs on her cheekbones, massaging her forehead with her index fingers, all the while staring at the floor, she tried to stifle her mental ramblings. "You've just resolved to trust him, and yet you follow this decision with suspicion," she mumbled to herself.  
  
She was not about to solely take blame for feeling this way when he was partially at fault. Secrecy and mystery cloaked him, almost a being unto themselves, and he allowed for it, encouraged it. He was consistently inconsistent in his behaviors, always keeping everyone a bit anxious around him. His only directness came when he meant to inflict with his words.  
  
His masquerade was tiring, at times, but she had noticed calmness in him during their sessions, a subtle flicker. He was in his element at those times, exercising his vast knowledge of herbs and techniques and probably unaware of this deeper side he was revealing.  
  
Aware of how she was coming to feel about him, Narnia couldn't help but feel that it had been a mistake to continue studying with him. She had shrugged her emotions off as simply a reaction to a desire to befriend him, but she knew it was only a weak justification for spending more time in his presence. Friendship with Snape took on a slightly different meaning than with most others, but she was confident that they had reached some sort of understanding. Despite this development, she longed for more and increased time spent with him found her struggling to keep guarded those places that if touched, could destroy her.  
  
Narnia knew the reasons for her reservations. Her haunting past coupled with this enigma of a man. Why was he so closed and guarded? Dropping her hands to her lap, Narnia wondered how many layers covered what truly lay at the soul of Severus Snape and if anyone were to ever peel them all back, what would they find there? Enticing, as it would be to try, the risk to her heart would be too great. 


	13. Revelations

Chapter 13  
  
Taking a seat next to Narnia, two butterbeers in hand, Hagrid looked around the Three Broomsticks again for sign of Remus Lupin. Lifting her glass, Narnia peered through the crowd, taking in the delights the pub had to offer. It didn't remind her of the cleanest establishment she had ever stepped foot in, but it had a charm all its own.  
  
"Not like Professor Lupin ter be late," Hagrid said, concern apparent in his voice.  
  
"Do you know him well, Hagrid?" Narnia asked before taking another sip.  
  
"Not like some folk, I reckon, but enough ter know he's a good man. Always treated me well. Shame he lef' after only one year. Mos' everyone liked him." Pausing and looking wide-eyed at Narnia, he began fumbling through an apology. "Yer the bes' one we had since him. I didn' mean...I...."  
  
Reaching her hand out to his shoulder, Narnia smiled. "Hagrid, it's okay. I know what you meant and from what I've heard about Professor Lupin, it is a shame he didn't stick around. To be honest, I don't believe I know the reason why he did leave."  
  
"If I had remained at Hogwarts, dear lady, none of us would have had the pleasure of your acquaintance." Narnia and Hagrid turned simultaneously to the man that had approached them from behind. Slightly blushing, Narnia smiled and standing from her seat, graciously offered her hand.  
  
"You must be Remus Lupin. Narnia Fairling."  
  
"It's a pleasure," Lupin stated, shaking her hand. As he made his apologies for being tardy, Narnia noticed he had a rugged quality about him in addition to his warm personality. Upon further association with the former DADA professor, she knew his compliment had been sincerely meant and she blushed each time it crossed her mind.  
  
"Well, shall we be off then? Lupin asked. Narnia smiled and nodded in acknowledgement. She made her farewells to Hagrid and rested her hand in the crook of Lupin's offered arm. His politeness she appreciated, realizing she had rarely witnessed this type of courtesy from a man. He waited until they were outside, away from listening ears, to resume their conversation.  
  
"We'll need to walk a little ways, out of town, before we disapparate." Lupin gave his explanation for leading her down the street in a hushed voice before continuing. "Your uncle seems to be very pleased to have you here at Hogwarts."  
  
"I am enjoying it so far. He's been very kind to have me."  
  
"Well, those of us who have not been present at the school have been looking forward to meeting you. Dumbledore speaks very highly of his newest addition to the staff," Lupin replied. Narnia looked up at him and noticed the look of approval in his features.  
  
"As well as some former members of his staff," Narnia added. "It is my understanding that you left some big shoes to fill and I'm afraid they've remained vacant over the last two years. I've got my work cut out for me."  
  
Lupin gave an appreciative grin and led Narnia off the road towards a grouping of boulders.  
  
"Just beyond that point and we're there," Lupin stated, pointing to the stack of rocks. The terrain grew somewhat difficult as they had now left the road and Narnia found the task required all of her attention or else a sprained ankle and mouth full of gravel would be in order. Arriving at the location, Narnia straightened her cloak and brushed back the few wisps of hair that had escaped their braid and had fallen in her face. Gaining control of her breathing, she slipped her arm back into Lupin's before they disapparated.  
  
Lupin wasted no time in approaching the front door, giving Narnia only a brief glance of her surroundings. They were no longer in the countryside, but appeared to be in a suburb of some sort. Houses sat uniformly up and down the street, while small shops were dotted here and there. Despite the sun's position above them, shadows draped the neighborhood. Lupin had given the password for entry and while the door was being opened for them, Narnia took another glance over her shoulder. In quickly scanning her whereabouts, she had noticed the street was empty, however, they stepped inside quickly to keep from being seen.  
  
Once inside, Narnia felt she would rather be back in the street where it was somewhat brighter. The entryway was damp and dark, leaving Narnia to feel somewhat uneasy. From a side doorway, a red-haired woman appeared before them, offering to take their cloaks. Narnia obliged and Lupin began the introductions.  
  
"Narnia Fairling. Molly Weasley. I believe you have Ron and Ginny in your classes?"  
  
Narnia extended her hand. "Yes. They are wonderful students. It's nice to meet you Mrs. Weasley."  
  
"Likewise. Please, call me Molly. We've just finished breakfast, but have a bit left over if you're hungry." Mrs. Weasley raised her brows in question, looking at both of the new arrivals.  
  
"I could eat something." Narnia stated.  
  
"Remus, you know where the kitchen is. Arthur's in there reading the paper. I'll just put these away and be right in." Mrs. Weasley scurried off and Lupin directed Narnia towards the kitchen.  
  
"She's very upbeat. I like that."  
  
"She has to be. Arthur and Molly have seven children." Remus stated.  
  
"Well, that would have something to do with it," Narnia replied, a hint of admiration in her tone.  
  
"The Weasleys have done a great deal for the Order. Arthur works at the Ministry of Magic and keeps close watch there, while Molly keeps headquarters running. I'm not sure how she manages, but she always has a warm meal on the table and everything in order."  
  
Arriving in the kitchen, Narnia noticed a red-haired man, whom she assumed to be Mr. Weasley, sitting at the table, reading the morning's copy of the Daily Prophet. Looking up from his paper, he stood up and came over to greet them.  
  
"Ah, Lupin, how good to see you," he stated warmly, shaking Remus' hand. He turned to face Narnia. "And you must be Professor Fairling."  
  
Narnia nodded in acknowledgement.  
  
"Arthur Weasley." He paused momentarily, before ushering them to be seated. "Please, sit down and help yourself. Dumbledore informed us you would be arriving a bit early, so Molly made a little extra this morning in case you hadn't eaten."  
  
After Lupin and Narnia had filled their plates, Molly joined the trio at the table, briefly, before going about her work again. There wouldn't be any more arrivals of members until later that day and after finishing her meal, there would be nothing to do, but sit and wait. Knowing Mrs. Weasley had her hands full, Narnia felt the only proper course of action was to help her in her preparations for the evening's meeting. Mrs. Weasley was somewhat hesitant at first, but eventually gave in and put Narnia to work.  
  
Narnia was thankful for the distraction. It helped to ease her nerves and pass the time. Working around the house also reminded her of being at home with Gran. They never had a house elf and therefore, the household chores fell upon their shoulders.  
  
Narnia had spent most of the afternoon alone, with some supervision from Mrs. Weasley, when Lupin poked his head into the room where she had been clearing some shelves.  
  
"I see Molly has really put you to work," he chuckled.  
  
"Yes, she has, but I'm glad to be of some help." Narnia replied, rearranging a pile of books.  
  
Lupin crossed the room to where Narnia was standing and examined her work.  
  
"Not bad, I suppose," he stated, jokingly.  
  
"There's enough to do for two people if you'd like to offer your expertise," Narnia teased.  
  
"However tempting that may be, I just popped into check on you."  
  
Narnia paused and turned to look at him. She sensed something was troubling him, despite his carefree manner.  
  
"Remus, is everything...alright?" she began hesitantly. He began to study the items on the shelves, struggling with where to begin.  
  
"When I approached you and Hagrid this morning in Hogsmeade, you made the statement that you were unaware of my reasons for leaving Hogwarts."  
  
Narnia lowered her head, shame encompassing her. "Remus, it's really none of my business. It was wrong of me to say that."  
  
Lupin raised his hand to stop her. "I would like to explain, nonetheless." He began pacing in front of her. "When I was a young boy, I was bitten.....by a werewolf." He looked up to gauge her reaction, surprised at her impassive demeanor. "Your uncle allowed me to attend Hogwarts and my secret was kept throughout all seven years of my education. I even successfully made it through an entire year of teaching without it being known, with the help of Dumbledore and Severus, of course, but at the end of that year, my secret was discovered and my only option was to leave."  
  
Lupin stopped to allow Narnia to digest the information he had just offered her. His revelation did shock her, but she could detect no threat from him. He had shown no signs of hurting her and she was confident it would never be his intention to do so. He had been completely open and considerate to her from the start. She already considered him one of the kindest people she had known and the thought of how great this burden was to bear for him, overwhelmed her. She stepped towards him, closing the gap between them, and laid a gentle hand on his forearm.  
  
"Remus, you'll always have my support. If there is ever anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask."  
  
"I appreciate your kindness." Lupin, gracefully placed a hand on top of hers and a wave of discomfort swept over her. Perhaps her compassion for his predicament had led her to speak too strongly, allowing him to gain the wrong impression.  
  
"You have distracted me from my duties and Molly will not be pleased," Narnia stated jokingly, desperate for transition.  
  
She released her hand and set to work on polishing a silver vase, thankful that the mood had taken a more lighthearted turn. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes and noticed that he had moved closer to the bookcases to further study their contents.  
  
"You mentioned that Professor Snape was helpful in your year at Hogwarts." Since Lupin's mention of the Potions Master, Narnia was curious to find out more of his involvement with the former DADA professor.  
  
"Yes. The wolfsbane potion allows me to feel and act like a normal, decent human being and Severus is the only person willing to brew it."  
  
"By 'willing', do you mean, under orders from my uncle?"  
  
Lupin chuckled. "Well, something like that. Due to my history with Severus, I would say your uncle has a great deal to do with it."  
  
"Oh, were you in school together, at Hogwarts?"  
  
Lupin proceeded to relate the events of his school days, telling Narnia about James and Lily Potter, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, who had betrayed Harry's parents to Voldemort, and their ongoing conflicts with Snape. Narnia listened intently trying to picture Snape as a teenager.  
  
"Well, that would certainly explain his treatment of Harry. It's too bad he still carries all of that around with him."  
  
"It seemed to rise to new levels with him when Sirius escaped right from under his nose," Lupin added. "I can't remember a time I've ever seen him so livid."  
  
"Sounds like it was an eventful year to be at Hogwarts."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
Narnia reflected on all Lupin had said, trying to piece everything together. In doing so, a horrid thought registered in her mind.  
  
"Remus, you said your being a werewolf was 'discovered'?"  
  
Lupin replied uncertainly. "Um, yes." "Severus had something to do with it, didn't he," Narnia asked as she turned to face him, teeth clenched, hoping for his denial.  
  
She awaited his response and in noticing his struggle with what to say, she interjected forcibly. "I should have guessed as much."  
  
Lupin sensing her anger quickly recovered from his loss of speech. "Narnia, please keep in mind, that while I cannot deny his part in my leaving Hogwarts, I can neither forget how he has aided me."  
  
At present, she was finding it hard to see how one action counteracted the other. "I cannot believe the nerve of him...to do this," she muttered, turning away from Lupin and resuming her duties. She remembered what her uncle had said to her concerning Snape's reactions to disappointing circumstances. "When the occasion presents itself... there always seems to be some aftermath to tidy up." He had, more than likely, been alluding to the situation with Lupin.  
  
"I have put all of that behind me. It has been nearly 3 years since it happened." Lupin paused before continuing. "With you being Dumbledore's niece and taking the DADA position, Severus has more than enough reason to give you grief."  
  
Bridling her anger, allowing herself to calm down, she turned back to Lupin. "It's not my intention to speak with him about this, Remus. It's just that, for as much as he can be brilliant, he can equally be ignorant and disappointing."  
  
"Well, we all have our quirks. Some are more interesting and difficult than others," Lupin acknowledged, the tone of his voice desiring a change in subject.  
  
Picking up on this, Narnia decided to leave the topic of Snape alone and asked Lupin more details concerning the Order. She listened to Lupin's accounts of all that had happened over the past several years and only stopped him with questions when she needed clarification. The afternoon rattled away quickly and soon, other members began arriving.  
  
Offering to lend a hand with dinner, Narnia was tending to some stew when the others began to arrive. Most of their names she recognized, mostly from Remus' discussion: Mad-Eye Moody, Mundungus Fletcher, and Nymphadora Tonks, to name a few. A sudden movement of black in the corner of her eye, caught her attentions and she looked up, only to find that Snape would be joining their group for the evening. She reflected on her earlier conversations with Lupin and took a deep, calming breath. Beside her, Molly was gathering some bowls and cups, when she felt his presence beside her.  
  
"It appears your value to the Order has been discovered," Snape arrogantly stated.  
  
Narnia continued to stir the contents of the cauldron and looked up to meet his gaze boldly. "While I am sure that your services to the demise of Voldemort..." she emphasized this last word, ignoring Molly's gasp, remembering the discomfort it had caused him before and happy with his current irritation at hearing it, continued. "...are, in no doubt, of supreme significance, they are no more vital than what any other person here may offer."  
  
Before he could respond, Dumbledore, having just arrived, called to him from across the room. To Narnia's pleasure, he gave no hesitation and joined her uncle on the other side of the kitchen.  
  
"Be careful there, dear," Molly whispered. Narnia could detect the apprehension in Molly's voice.  
  
"Do you mean with Professor Snape? He's harmless. Just infuriating."  
  
"I know that your Uncle trusts him and that should be enough, but it's sometimes hard for the rest of us to accept that he truly did turn from You- Know-Who all those years ago."  
  
Narnia's irritation with Snape evaporated quickly. Her mouth dropped open as her stomach climbed its way into her chest. She swallowed hard, unsure if she had just understood Molly correctly. There had to be a misunderstanding.  
  
"I'm sorry, I don't think I...heard...you.... correctly." The words were difficult to say. "Professor Snape...a Death Eater?" 


	14. Simpleton

This chapter is a bit shorter, but some significant things occur. Thanks to everyone who keeps reading and posting reviews. I look forward to them and any suggestions you may have. Thanks!  
  
STUPID  
  
Written by Sarah McLachlan Album: afterglow  
  
Night lift up the shades Let in the brilliant light of the morning But steady me now for I am weak and starving for mercy Sleep has left me alone to carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong And all I can do to hang on to keep me from falling Into old familiar shoes  
  
How stupid could I be A simpleton could see That you're no good for me But you're the only one I see  
  
Love has made me a fool Set me on fire and watched as I floundered Unable to speak except to cry out and wait for you answer And you come around in your time Speaking of fabulous places Create an oasis that dries up as soon as you're gone You leave me here burning in this desert without you  
  
How stupid could I be A simpleton could see That you're no good for me But you're the only one I see  
  
Everything changes everything falls apart I can't stand to feel myself losing control In the deep of my weakness I know  
  
Chapter 14  
  
He was standing across the room, silent, taking in others' conversations, but disinterested in the small talk. Narnia didn't have to turn around to know. It would have taken Snape several strides to reach her, but at this moment, he seemed close enough for her to even hear the beat of his heart. Her own was thumping loudly in her ears and the room had suddenly seemed confined.  
  
Molly laid a hand on Narnia's shoulder, causing her to flinch. "I'm sorry dear, I thought you knew." Looking up at her, Narnia could see the regret outlined on her face.  
  
"It's fine, Molly....really. I'm glad you brought it to my attention."  
  
Molly did not seem convinced and Narnia could offer no reassurances due to her inability to determine her own emotions.  
  
"Why don't you take a seat? The meeting is about to begin and I'll take care of all of this."  
  
"Of course." It took every ounce of her strength to turn around and face the room full of people. She kept her eyes from wandering to Snape's side of the room, but no matter which direction she looked in, he remained in her periphery. "Pull yourself together, for crying out loud. This is not the time or place. You need to concentrate on why you are here," she scolded herself privately. She took a deep breath, tried to wipe the look of shock from her face, and sat down next to Lupin. To her dissatisfaction, Snape sat down directly across from her.  
  
The meeting was informal, just as Narnia expected and the general premise of the gathering was to bring Narnia up to speed, which Lupin had sufficiently done earlier that afternoon. She was grateful for his prior relay of information, because her current state would not have permitted her to gather all the details. Inside, her emotions were churning and she hoped she had been able to keep them from revealing themselves outwardly. An eternity seemed to pass by before they were finished and at it's end, Narnia desired to return to Hogwarts, where she could be alone.  
  
Afterwards, several members said their good-byes and left, thanking Molly for her hospitality and reiterating to Narnia how nice it had been to make her acquaintance. She was talking with Lupin when Snape approached them, interrupting their conversation.  
  
"I am to escort you back to the school, Professor. I do not wish to delay."  
  
Narnia met his gaze and normally would have been angered by his manner, but offered no rebuttal. "I will be ready momentarily." She turned back to Lupin, ignoring Snape. "It was a nice day."  
  
"Perhaps lunch in Hogsmeade sometime?" Lupin asked.  
  
"Of course." She walked past Snape, leaving him alone with Lupin, and made her way to Dumbledore to inform him she would be leaving. She laid a hand on his arm to gain his attention. He had been talking with Arthur when she had approached.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt, Uncle. Professor Snape had expressed his wish to leave and I wanted to say 'good-night' before I went." Narnia thought highly of her uncle, but her wish to speak with him was solely to gain reassurance that her traveling with Snape was his true intention.  
  
Dumbledore patted her hand and offered no more than, "Good-night. I will see you at breakfast tomorrow."  
  
More confident with the arrangements, Narnia said farewell to Molly, grabbed her cloak and met Snape by the doorway. Uncomfortable as she felt being alone with him, she could not wait to reach the solitary confinement of her room. They stepped out onto the stoop, all the while Narnia not meeting his eyes. Just as she was about to wrap her hand around his forearm, he quickly slid his arm around her waist, pulling her next to him. Her breath caught in her chest, surprised at his forwardness. Before she could react, they were on the return home.  
  
Once they had returned to the outskirts of Hogsmeade, Narnia broke the physical contact between them, surveying the ground that separated them. She looked up to probe her location and gathering her bearings, made for the castle, moving quickly. Snape said nothing and followed closely behind. She slowed her step to keep him at her side, intent on surveying him, despite her desire for his absence.  
  
Upon entering the castle, Narnia made to break from his company, heading straight for her quarters. He followed and when she arrived at her door, she turned to face him. He halted only inches from her increasing her uneasiness.  
  
"Good night, Professor. You have seen me safely to my quarters and I'm sure my Uncle will be grateful." Her voice faltered.  
  
Snape studied her and slowly advancing, backed her against the door, placing his arms on either side of her, allowing her no means of escape. "You are no longer irritated with me. What a pity."  
  
Narnia raised her eyes to meet his, unable to look away, despite the conflict raging inside of her. Her mouth was dry and rendered her unable to speak. Her lips parted slightly and she hoped he did not misinterpret this as an invitation. His gaze wandered to her neck and he lifted his hand to touch her. Her traveling cloak had loosened and he made his way to her collarbone, tracing its outline with his fingertips. He then looked back up at her.  
  
Her body was betraying her. Part of her wanted to give into him, but her mind quickly recovered and she jerked away, adjusting her stare to a fixed point on the wall behind him. A change in his demeanor startled her. He lowered his hands back to his side, but did not immediately step back from her. He leaned in, whispering in her ear.  
  
"Perhaps you seek attentions from the werewolf," he stated menacingly.  
  
Narnia had not expected this from him and felt a slight shift in advantage. "Honesty is what I desire," she hissed at him, her anger returning. Leaning back, he met her stare and seemed to instantaneously comprehend her meaning. He widened the space between them and stood there analyzing her.  
  
They remained in silence, briefly, before Narnia turned and entered her room, leaving Snape in the corridor. Shutting the door, she slid to the floor, quietly releasing her turmoil, her body still shaking, while warm tears began to carve a pathway down her face. After his footsteps died down, she gave way to overbearing emotions and began to sob uncontrollably. 


	15. Beautiful Disaster

Beautiful Disaster  
  
(Matthew Wilder, Rebekah Jordan)  
  
© Wilder Kingdom Music (ASCAP)/Ribbit Music/Famous Music (BMI)  
  
He drowns in his dreams  
  
An exquisite extreme I know  
  
He's a damned as he seems  
  
More Heaven than a heart could hold  
  
And if I tried to save him  
  
My whole world could cave in  
  
Just ain't right  
  
Just ain't right  
  
Oh and I don't know  
  
I don't know what he's after  
  
But he's so beautiful  
  
Such a beautiful disaster  
  
If I could hold on  
  
Through the tears and the laughter  
  
Would it be beautiful  
  
Or just a beautiful disaster  
  
He's magic and myth  
  
As strong as what I believe  
  
A tragedy with  
  
More damage than a soul should see  
  
And do I try to change him  
  
So hard not to blame him  
  
Hold on tight  
  
Hold on tight  
  
Chorus  
  
I'm longing for love and the logical  
  
But he's only happy hysterical  
  
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle  
  
Waiting so long  
  
He's soft to the touch  
  
But frayed at the ends he breaks  
  
He's never enough  
  
And still he's more than I can take  
  
Chorus  
  
Chapter 15  
  
Anger. Sympathy.  
  
Distrust. Compassion.  
  
Confusion.  
  
All of these had become Narnia's companions. No one of them stood alone. They were all bonded in some respect.  
  
When she had decided to come to Hogwarts, to aid her uncle, her purpose had been black and white, so clear. No thought had been given to other encounters along the way. There would have been no way for her to know that the heart she had kept guarded for so long, so many years, would have been shattered in such a short span of time.  
  
Since her initial meeting with the Order of the Phoenix, Narnia had spent most of her time, outside of classes, alone, trying to regain the firm footing she once seemed to have in her life. Everything around her felt as if it was spinning out of control and it was unacceptable for it to continue.  
  
Two weeks had passed since Molly had made mention of Snape's past. She had not spoken with him, had not continued her study with him, and had arrived at no conclusion as to how she should approach him or if she should. Neither was she certain that he had understood her meaning in the corridor that night. Addressing the matter would inevitably make the situation worse.  
  
He had not acted any differently, but she had expected as much from him. Rarely did she see him outside of the Great Hall. Meals were excruciating. She found it hard to eat, when from the corner of her eye, she could see his hands gracefully tending the food before them and she would recall the way his hands had gently caressed her skin. This haunted her along with thoughts of what could have taken place between them, if she had welcomed his advances. Absorbing as the thought happened to be, she was torn between mistrust and her feelings for him. Had she allowed such an intimate connection with him, she could be feeling much worse at present, so much more harm could have been done. Despite what they appeared to be, she could not guess what his true intentions had been upon their return to Hogwarts that evening, but she wondered if her quick friendship with Lupin had spurred him to behave as he had. Jealousy could have been a factor, but she was more inclined to believe she was simply a new pawn in the on- going rivalry from their schooldays.  
  
Then, there was the matter of his servitude to Voldemort. Thinking of what he had been witness to, what he had been asked to do, caused her to tremble. He was damaged more than she could have guessed. She could look past old regrets. Her concern was the here and now. What was his current position? Molly had expressed disbelief, but simultaneously spoke of Dumbledore's faith in Snape. Narnia had struggled with going to her uncle on the matter, not arriving at any decision, until one afternoon afforded her the opportunity.  
  
Colder weather had slowly been creeping into the grounds of Hogwarts. November had arrived, therefore signaling the onset of gloomy winter days and Narnia had been delighted to awake to the warm rays of sun on her face, a most fitting way to end a full night's rest. Being a Saturday, with no classes and no Quidditch scheduled, she could grab some breakfast a little later than usual and spend some time walking about the grounds. As she was making her way outside, her uncle appeared in the entryway from a side door.  
  
"Ah, Narnia," Dumbledore began, making his way towards her. "I was on my way out, for a stroll. Would you care to join me?"  
  
"I was just about to ask you the same. Shall we?"  
  
Dumbledore returned Narnia's smile and led her out onto the grounds. Students were scattered her and there, adjusting their behavior to the newly present Headmaster and DADA professor.  
  
"I regret that we haven't been able to sit down and chat since the meeting of the Order."  
  
"Uncle, I am aware that you're extremely busy. There is so much that demands your attention."  
  
"That is undeniably true." In looking at her uncle, his stress was visible throughout his features. "It is my hope that you are more at ease after meeting with some of the others."  
  
"Yes, I'm much more comfortable with things now. Though diverse, they are truly a wonderful group of wizards and witches."  
  
"Again, undeniable. They were equally impressed with you. Molly repeatedly spoke of how grateful she was for your help."  
  
"I was glad to be of some assistance."  
  
They continued their slow pace around the grounds, in momentary silence, before Dumbledore spoke again.  
  
"Molly also informed that she had unknowingly been the first to make you aware of Professor Snape's past service to Voldemort." Narnia diverted her attention to the ground, before acknowledging. Apparently the Headmaster had been as eager to speak with her on the matter as she had been with him. The subject was out in the open and there would be no way around it now.  
  
"Yes, she did. It was....quite a surprise," she replied. All of her thoughts on the issue seemed to jam together and she wondered if she'd be able to speak about it in no more than three or four word sentences.  
  
"I think Molly was worried that she had frightened you. She had mentioned it to me after you had left and immediately, I understood the reasoning behind the confusion I had seen on your face right before you departed."  
  
Narnia had not yet discussed what had taken place that evening with anyone and though she was somewhat resistant to speak on the matter, she felt the burden of it lifting. She didn't know where to begin, partially afraid that if she opened her mouth to speak, she would burst into tears.  
  
"It didn't frighten me. It did upset me, but I was never frightened." Taking a slow, deep breath, she was thankful to say it out loud. "Why wasn't I told, when apparently others are aware? Why didn't he tell me?" The questions came out quickly and more strongly than had been her intention.  
  
Dumbledore stopped and faced her, but she continued to stare at the ground. "My dear niece, I believe you have known Severus long enough now to know that he keeps himself quite guarded. It has never been anyone's story to tell but his and anyone privy to the details of his past has been made so by him. I doubt that Molly and the others know little more than what has already been relayed to you. It isn't exactly the easiest topic to discuss, even though he tries to appear emotionally detached. Surely you can see that."  
  
Narnia shook her head in agreement. Dumbledore took Narnia's hand, placed it around his arm and continued their walk.  
  
"I know you have come to care a great deal for him, Narnia."  
  
Narnia felt her face flush, surprised at her uncle's statement.  
  
"I also know, that not unlike Severus, you have a hard time placing trust in others. You have been let down by some very dear people in your life and it's understandable that you would be feeling this way right now."  
  
Narnia thought of her father, sure that he was the person Dumbledore was alluding to.  
  
"However, we cannot let one disappointment, here and there, get in the way of our friendships and relationships. Otherwise, we would all live by ourselves and be quite miserable."  
  
Narnia thought of Snape, alone in the dungeons and a twinge of guilt swept through her for how she had been selfishly reacting over the past weeks.  
  
"You have complete faith in him, don't you?" It was more of a statement than a question.  
  
"He has given no reason for me to believe otherwise. Any person who willingly puts himself or herself at risk for what is good and just in this world, will always have my full confidence."  
  
Dumbledore and Narnia were nearing the school, when her uncle slowed their gait, offering his final thoughts.  
  
Dumbledore began, hesitantly, as if choosing each word carefully, "If there has been any reason behind my discussing this with you, it has been to keep you from walking away so quickly. Most people tolerate Severus' idiosyncrasies, while few understand them. I have watched you resist his attempts at distancing himself in a manner that, I believe, is having some effect. Usually when he pushes, no one pushes back, yet you have done so. I think he is counting on you to remain upset and distanced so he can return to his realm of comfort. This may be an instance where '...it would be good practice for him to find himself mistaken....'"  
  
The Headmaster glanced over at Narnia, his blue eyes sparkling through his half-moon spectacles. Narnia grinned, recalling what she had said, feeling as if that day in her uncle's office had been so long ago.  
  
"When you agreed to the potions tutorials, you offered him the opportunity to develop his confidence in you. I hope you would allow him the same luxury."  
  
Any progress that she had made with Snape to this point was undoubtedly devastated now. A way to approach him was difficult to derive, but after speaking with Dumbledore, she felt more encouraged to make an attempt. Her uncle had been right, to no surprise, that Snape did deserve the chance to gain her trust. He had done no less for her. Without a doubt, he would be more difficult to deal with now than he had ever been, but she would have to bear it. She would just have to exercise a bit more caution where her heart was concerned.  
  
Arriving back inside the castle, Dumbledore turned to face Narnia, taking her hands in his. "I must return to some matters in my office, but I thank you for humoring an old man in need of stretching his legs."  
  
Narnia was sure that her uncle could have sprinted around the grounds if he had intended to. Stress and worry were taking their toll, but she did not count him as frail and feeble yet.  
  
"I believe I was the major beneficiary, Uncle. However, anytime you'd like a stroll, I would be more than happy to oblige."  
  
"Very well." He stepped in to kiss her on the forehead and added. "It is good to see a smile on your face again, my dear."  
  
Narnia watched as he walked away, sighing, feeling a sense of relief she hadn't felt in some time. Deciding to return to her room, she took several steps before she slowed and stop to face the corridors leading to the dungeons. She glanced back towards the direction of her room and then again to the path leading to Snape's office. Squaring her shoulders, standing tall, and rallying all her waning confidence, she headed for the bowels of the castle.  
  
Thanks to everyone who keeps posting reviews: Kemenran, Rycca W., Jade, Serica, and crazy-lil-nae-nae. The support and encouragement is addictive and motivating. Thanks!  
  
Rycca W.-- I hope I've cleared up your confusion, with this chapter, by reinforcing Narnia's conflicting emotions. I greatly appreciated your last review, because it caused me to stop and reflect, a practice I need to use more often. It's so alluring to upload a chapter as quickly as you've written it without waiting to write several to see how it all fits together. I'm hoping that it was hard to decide what Narnia was feeling simply because she (Narnia) didn't know and not just bad writing. 


	16. A Simple Truth, Nothing More

I apologize for taking so long to post a new chapter. February and March have been hectic for me, plus, I've tried to take some time thinking through Narnia's and Severus' discussion. I hope you enjoy it!  
  
One may need to reread Chapter 15 to see where we left off.  
  
Chapter 16  
  
On her way to the dungeons, Narnia met no one and was grateful. If anyone had passed her, they would have certainly deemed her unhinged. She had tried to subdue it through the years, however, expressing herself while keeping her hands calm always felt confined. So, as several thoughts kept colliding in her mind, her arms and hands were visibly displaying the conflict. She knew if she waited to speak with Snape, she never would, crawling back into her own security blanket. No, she had to do this now. It was imperative. The thought escaped her of where she would begin, but she'd have to think of something.  
  
Standing in front of his office door, she hesitated before knocking, hoping to gather some shred of poise before entering. Lifting her hand, the door opened and she expected to see the residing professor standing on the other side, scowling at her. A tall and slender Draco Malfoy almost bumped into her as he left Snape's office. Looking at her, he narrowed his eyes and a menacing grin registered on his face. He walked past her and left the corridor. He was only a student, one she did not feel threatened by, however hard he tried to come across as intimidating. She never took him or his connections lighty, though. His father was currently in Azkaban for service to Voldemort and this crossed her thoughts each time she encountered Draco, hoping against all hope that he would come to see the gravity of his father's choices and that he would take a better path.  
  
Having an effect on the young man was a daily challenge, but currently she had another task to tackle. Draco had neglected to close the door completely following his exit and she peered inside before entering. Snape was standing, back towards the door, arms crossed, apparently deep in thought. Narnia wondered of the topic of his conversation with young Malfoy, but quickly dismissed her mind's inquisitiveness. Remembering why she was standing outside his office, she lightly tapped on the door.  
  
"Here goes," she thought, resignedly.  
  
"Enter," came the low growl and grasping the door handle, Narnia stepped inside, making sure the door closed behind her.  
  
Turning around, she noticed that Snape had changed his position of a moment ago and was now leaning against his desk, arms crossed and one eyebrow raised in question. Shyness and caution would not benefit her, so she returned his stare, and opened her mouth to speak, not knowing what would come out, if anything, and she hoped if the words did find their way across her tongue, they would at least make sense. If this had been the first time in his office, she may have felt its intimidation, but as it was, she felt relaxed in the room. Only the occupant was currently causing her any discomfort.  
  
"If this is a bad time, I can come back."  
  
Snape made no reply or change in demeanor. He knew why she was here, she was sure, having previous encounters with her conscience and she guessed that this conversation would always be unwelcomed, but since he didn't immediately boot her out of his office, she pressed on, leaving small talk for another time and place.  
  
The silence was infinite before she heard herself speak again. "You could have told me," she began, crossing her arms, as if to sturdy herself for his reply.  
  
"I fail to see where it is any of your concern," he retorted. He stood and walked over to Narnia, causing her nerves to spike.  
  
"Point taken," she thought. Sensing his anger, she hesitated to discuss this further, but knew she had to. He was close enough for her to reach out and touch, part of her wanting to do nothing more than pull him near and hold him. Before she could continue, Snape spoke and the threatening tone of his voice alarmed her. As he was speaking, he slowly backed her into the door, much in the same way he had only weeks ago outside her rooms. This time was quite different however and Narnia doubted she could gain any kind of advantage now.  
  
"Understand this, Professor, and make note of it for any future lapses." His words came harshly through gritted teeth. "I do not want or need your pity."  
  
In some small way, he was correct on how she had been feeling during the past two weeks, but it was apparent to her that he was unaware of what truly had been bothering her and she knew if she didn't take the opportunity to tell him, she'd never have it again.  
  
Hoping to ease the tension and not provoke him into a rage, she began in a gentle voice, a slight falter in it. "Severus, I have not come down here to offer pity and please do not confuse that with concern." He prepared to speak again, but Narnia raised her hand to quiet him, lightly touching his lips. She expected him to jerk away, but instead his manner seemed to take on a confused nature. Her eyes and fingers lingered on his mouth for a moment before she dropped her hand back to her side and looked at him again.  
  
"Please, hear me out. I believe there has been some misunderstanding and I will try to explain my actions and myself properly. I will be forthright and honest in saying that hearing about your former loyalties was a slight shock, but it was nothing compared to realizing that you had not come to trust me enough to tell me yourself. As you have justly stated, it is not my right to know. It has been my mistake to feel I deserve that level of honesty from you and I apologize."  
  
"Yes, your mistake indeed." His scowl had returned. "Is it common practice for you to see others' full confidences owed to you while you do not give the same luxury in return?"  
  
Currently, it was Narnia's turn to be confused.  
  
"Since we are being so 'forthright and honest' with one another, perhaps you would like to share the reasons why you are avoiding sleep and taking to your office or wandering about the castle at all hours of the night?" Snape lowered his head to one side, as if in challenge and waited for her answer.  
  
Narnia looked away, to the floor, the desk, the wall, anywhere but directly at him. He had apparently kept his promise to "keep a watchful eye" and more to the point, he supplied a direct hit. He was right. Despite her desire to leave his office and his close proximity, her feet seemed rooted to the floor and her body pinned to the wall under his glare. Knowing at some point she would have to, she looked back at him.  
  
"I have......", she knew how ridiculous this would sound, but there was no other way to explain, "......bad dreams." She had never indulged this information to anyone, and even amidst the current circumstance, she didn't plan to. Her simple statement was more than enough.  
  
Snape seemed amused at her justification. "Ah, of course. How asinine of me to think otherwise." His sarcasm did not pass by unnoticed and his anger seemed to be bubbling again, just below the surface. "If you expect me to believe...."  
  
Narnia cut him off. "Believe what you will, but it is the truth. It is not the complete truth, but it is all I will offer you at present."  
  
He eyed her intently, as if to search her thoughts. She knew what game he was playing.  
  
"You won't be able to, no matter how hard you try."  
  
Snape gave her a look as if to say, "Oh really?"  
  
"I may not be very adept at penetrating others' minds, but it has been a rare occasion that anyone has been able to break into my own."  
  
He stared at her, momentarily, before stepping away. "I have matters that demand my attention."  
  
Narnia decided that it was best to leave the situation at its present state. She felt no resolution, but neither did their discussion end severely. She placed her hand on the doorknob, wishing to say more, but replied with a simple, "very well." Before exiting, she glanced back to see that Snape had returned to his desk and was searching through several pieces of parchment. She closed the door quietly behind her.  
  
Along the passages to her own office, she thought again of their discussion. She felt somewhat relieved to have talked it over with Snape, but whether or not she felt better or worse for it, she could not tell. There were many things she wanted to discuss with him, one being how close she had come to inviting him into her room that night, but the intense state of his emotions had surprised her, as well as the curveball he had thrown about her late night excursions. Reaching her office, she sat down opposite the hearth and pulled a stack of assignments into her lap to grade. Shelving thoughts of a more personal nature in the back of her mind, she grabbed her quill and began her evaluations. 


	17. Train Wreck

Train Wreck Sarah McLachlan  
  
Would your love in all its finery Tear at the darkness all around me Until I can feel again Until I can breathe again  
  
CHORUS 'Cause I'm a train wreck waiting to happen waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks a wildfire born of frustration born of the one love that gets me so high I've no fear at all  
  
Would your eyes like midnight fireflies Light up the trenches where my heart lies Until I can see again To find my way back again  
  
Chorus  
  
To fall so deep into you Lose myself completely In your sweet embrace All my pain's erased  
  
From your mouth it's all that I wish The mercy of your lips, just one kiss Until I can breathe again So that I can sing again  
  
Chorus  
  
Chapter 17  
  
Home. It felt so far, unreachable from where she was now. The normal routine she had there was out of her grasp. For so long she had wanted to escape the mundane, but now, she would give anything to have one day of it. All that surrounded her felt as though it were a train, gaining momentum, while she struggled to keep up. At any time, she expected everything to collide and the mess would be catastrophic; there she would be, uncertain, in the midst of it. One piece of parchment, brought by a tawny barn owl every couple of weeks, soothed her and helped to focus her energies, keeping her another moment away from a wreck.  
  
Narnia was thankful for the consistent correspondence she had with her grandmother. Letters from Gran delighted and saddened her. She missed her grandmother and more to the point, missed sharing her thoughts and talking with her. At any moment Narnia faced a circumstance she was unable to handle, Gran was there to help and encourage. Now, she would have to find her own way through.  
  
In the past weeks, her interactions with Snape had returned to some sense of normalcy. She was gratified that their friendship had seemingly not suffered any irreversible damage, but it was still too soon to tell. The potions' lessons he had previously given were not continued, as was a result of unspoken understanding between them. At meals, his lack of conversation was as always, but it was as if some distraction entertained his attentions. Later that week, she gained some insight as to why.  
  
Narnia had been working in her office when Snape's voice suddenly bellowed from the fireplace.  
  
"Professor Fairling, I'd like a word."  
  
Wavering, she replied, "One moment, please," and marking her place in the text she had been studying, she laid the book down and exited her office through the hearth.  
  
Stepping into Snape's office, she glanced down at her clothing, frustrated with what she saw. Both of her hands slapped at the dust on her robes and she silently scolded herself for not walking the corridors instead. Vanity was never a characteristic she commonly associated with herself, but she had no desire to be viewed as a street rag either.  
  
"If you are quite finished?"  
  
Narnia looked up to see Snape watching her, with a look of impatience covering his features.  
  
"I hate traveling that way."  
  
Narnia caught the slightest hint of him rolling his eyes before he turned and gathered up a stack of parchments in his hands.  
  
"I will be away for the next two days and am in need of someone to cover my classes. These," he pointed to the pile of paper in his hands, "are assignments that need to be returned. All other materials can be found on my desk in the classroom, such as the instructions for the brews each class will be working on. Items that are needed for each potion can be found in the immediate classroom. All other areas are out of bounds. Do you have any questions?"  
  
"Yes, actually. When, exactly, were you planning to ask me if I would instruct your class while you're away?  
  
Snape did not appear to be in any mood to be toyed with. Narnia's wish was to avoid an argument, but she would not simply give into demands.  
  
"If you do not think yourself able to handle my classes, then I will find someone less...."  
  
"I believe myself to be quite capable. It is simply a matter of courtesy for you to ask me, not command."  
  
He replied through clenched teeth. "Very well, would you?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Though I hate to ask, are there any other points in which you need my clarification?"  
  
Her progress in her own skills at brewing potions had improved, but handling a classroom full of students who were possibly superior caused an uneasiness to swell within her. "The potions they will be brewing...."  
  
Perhaps sensing her apprehension, Snape cut her short, surprising her again with the praise in his comment. "I would not have 'asked' you to cover my classes if you were unable. There will be several potions that we did not discuss, but they will be no challenge for you."  
  
"Very well." Narnia stood in silence gazing at the floor, aware that Snape was studying her. She looked again at him when he spoke.  
  
"If that is all Professor, I must prepare for my departure."  
  
Narnia paused before continuing. Something in his demeanor was worrying her. "You are leaving tonight, I take it?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Despite her growing concern, Narnia felt no desire to pry and the anxiety she read in his voice did not pass by unnoticed. She turned and walked to the door and just before she stepped out, she turned back to face him. Expecting that he had returned to his work, she was shocked to find he was watching her.  
  
"Be careful," was all she managed to choke out. He gave a nod of his head and she slipped out of his office, returning to her own.  
  
Narnia had spent the remainder of the evening in her office, trying to maintain focus on the work she needed to accomplish. Now that she would be teaching Snape's classes for the next two days, her workload would double and she most certainly wanted to leave him with a good impression when he returned. If his records and classroom were out of order, he would not be pleasant to deal with. More of a current distraction, was the thought of where he was going and if it had anything to do with Draco being in his office the very same day she had went to speak with him. Her instincts were telling her it did, therefore, making the situation much more disheartening. Needing to take a break, she folded her arms on her desk and laid her head down. It would only be for a moment and then she could begin her work again.  
  
The scenery around her was all too familiar. Like each time before, she ran for the clearing. Looking around she was surprised to see that more figures seemed to be standing amongst the tree line. Rapidly she turned around, desperate to discover any more revelations. She saw a flash of something. It was silver, but white, also. Before she could examine it further, she felt someone shaking her rather violently.  
  
Unaware of what was happening, she had somehow wielded her wand and was pointing it at Snape's chest. Their eyes were locked on one another, Snape's in surprise and Narnia's in fear. The only sound was that of Narnia's rapid breathing. Finally deciding to lower her wand, she looked around to see that she was still at her desk, with Snape kneeling directly beside her. She had apparently fallen asleep and he had attempted to wake her. She looked back at Snape, a look of concern on his face.  
  
"I neglected to give this to you earlier." He reached into the pocket of his traveling cloak and pulled out two small vials. "It is a simple sleeping draught. Only take one tonight and you will have uninterrupted sleep. The other is an extra."  
  
Narnia timidly reached out for the vials and placed them on her desk. "Thank you." He remained at her side.  
  
"I would suggest that you end your work for the evening and return to your chambers." He paused, and then added, "I don't want my students behind when I return."  
  
She turned to face him, aware of his kindness in the matter, despite his attempt to conceal it.  
  
"You're leaving now?" Narnia heard a small hint of disappointment in her own voice.  
  
"Momentarily."  
  
Feeling the tension, and hesitant to do so, she reached out her hand and gently caressed his hair, searching his eyes with her own. Her hand was trembling and he reached up and pulled it down into his own. Quickly, he moved towards her, placing his other hand behind her head, pulling her up into an ardent kiss. Releasing her hand from his, she clutched onto his cloak with both hands, waiting to pull him back if he withdrew. He groaned in response and Narnia tightened her grip, all the while kissing him eagerly. He now had his hands framing her face, running his thumbs along her cheeks and after an instant of doing so, broke their connection tenderly. Both breathing heavily, Narnia wrapped her arms around him, pulling him slowly into an embrace. After relinquishing and placing his own arms around her, Severus placed his hands on Narnia's shoulders, gently pushing her away, raising one hand to brush back a strand of hair from her face.  
  
"Narnia, I must go."  
  
Narnia nodded her head in acknowledgement, privately delighting in the fact that he finally used her first name.  
  
"We shall pick up where we left off when I return," he stated, a mischievous grin playing on his face.  
  
"Perhaps," she replied, grinning.  
  
He turned on his heel and left the office. Looking around the room for a second time, Narnia was unsure of whether she had actually stopped dreaming or not. 


	18. The Room of Requirement

Chapter 18  
  
If not for the simple sleeping draught Severus had given her, Narnia may have been too exhausted to be so uptight. Two days had passed since he had left, to where, she was unsure, but she gathered it wasn't for rest and relaxation. Every indication he had given her suggested he would return tomorrow and after breakfast, she would make for the dungeons, looking busy with student work until he returned.  
  
Walking down to the Great Hall the next morning, she thought yet again of the moment in her office, just before he had left. He had caught her in a most vulnerable state, awaking from a hellish dream, which in retrospect, he never inquired about, even though Narnia knew he was quite curious about the matter. After gaining her composure, she had noticed his attire and it was apparent he was preparing to leave. There had been warning bells telling her to hold back, reminding her of her decision to keep him at arm's length, but they were drowned out by her need to send him off with some indication of how she felt. Her heart betrayed her mind and had leapt at his reaction to her touch. The way in which he embraced her, left her breathless and in no doubt, that somewhere inside of him, no matter how minor it might be, he did, in fact, feel something for her as well. She smiled with its remembrance. He had kissed her, so passionately and all that followed had been enveloped in a haze. She recalled what he had said, "We shall pick up where we left off when I return", signaling a new direction in their relationship, and she anticipated the moment when they could be alone, with nowhere to be and no interruptions.  
  
If it had not been for this new twist in her relationship with Severus holding her thoughts captive, she would have noticed the buzz and tinge of apprehension swarming through the Great Hall. From some distance, all appeared normal at the Head Table, but as Narnia approached, solemn, worried faces of her colleagues awaited her. It was apparent that the staff was remaining calm for the students' benefit, but one look at Professor McGonagall and Narnia knew something major had happened. Noticing her uncle's absence, she took her seat and looking out amongst a sea of frightened student faces, she looked down when someone had slid a copy of the Daily Prophet in front of her. Her heart almost ceased beating. She furrowed her brows in concentration. The headline and one of the faces caught her attention; all else became blurred.  
  
Death Eaters Escape Azkaban  
  
There, below the headline, was an oddly familiar face. Tearing her eyes away from the picture, she glanced down to read the name; "Lucius Malfoy". Quickly making the connection, she looked to the Slytherin table and located Draco. As expected, his countenance showed no signs of worry, but a smug assurance poured from him. Disgusted, she looked back to the Daily Prophet. "His father, I presume," Narnia thought. She gazed at the photograph. His picture did nothing more than exude confidence and sophistication in a way that sickened Narnia and she watched him, as he would raise an eyebrow and sneer. She had never met this Lucius Malfoy, but even after folding the paper and placing it out of sight, his face remained clear in her mind. He was familiar, in some way and in a respect other than just having his spitting image as one of her students.  
  
Professor McGonagall approached her from behind, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "Albus wishes to speak with us immediately following breakfast." Without looking up at the witch, Narnia simply nodded her head. She heard Minerva leave behind her and even though her appetite had disappeared, she forced several bites, knowing that the body of students gathered before her was watching her, the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Catching several of their gazes, she smiled, as sincerely as she could, hoping to cast some assurance into their worried minds. Then, suddenly, as if standing in dark room where light is at once cast in, she thought of Severus. She shifted nervously in her seat. His involvement in this was certain, but to what extent and why? Her uncle knew he was going away for a few days, but..... Narnia's heart sank. Perhaps it had been his intention to leave and not return. "No, don't be ridiculous," she scolded herself mentally. Unless Severus had performed an miraculous charade this entire time, she knew better than to think him capable of returning to Voldemort's side. Then, her annoying voice of reason spoke, "he joined him once before, what could keep him from doing it again?" Shaking her head, hoping to clear it, she folded the napkin from her lap and placed in on the table. She refused to let her thoughts run away with her and hastily, she stood and made for Dumbledore's office.  
  
After being beckoned inside, Narnia glanced around the small group that was assembled. Dumbledore's office always seemed too cramped for this many, but perhaps he had charmed it with an enlarging spell to accommodate everyone. Aware of an open seat by Remus Lupin, she smiled at him upon realizing his presence, only to receive one in return, and she made her way to sit down next to him.  
  
"I had hoped the next time we met would have been under better circumstances," Lupin stated.  
  
"Yes. Me as well." Narnia paused to look around the room again, before returning her attentions back to Lupin. "Word travels fast, I see."  
  
"I suspect, to some degree, there was an element of expectation in all of us that this would occur. It was only a matter of when that remained a mystery. Voldemort couldn't have his....inner circle, I suppose one could say, held up in Azkaban. He'd need all of his supporters to execute any plans against us."  
  
"True."  
  
Conversation halted abruptly as Dumbledore entered the room. Exhaustion hung on his face.  
  
"We are all aware of the reason we are gathered this morning." There were nods and muttered words of affirmation. "Minerva and I have already taken precautions concerning the school and its students, for the time being at least. Professors Hagrid and Flitwick are guarding the gates, while all other staff members, not present here, are keeping the students inside the castle. So, with that taken care of, we can address other matters of concern.  
  
"I have spoken with Arthur Weasley already and as one would presume, the Ministry is in quite an uproar this morning. Fudge is appalled that this has happened and insists on keeping the dementors present at the prison. I fear this will not be the last "break out" from there, but in no doubt, the most troublesome.  
  
"Shacklebolt, Moody, and Tonks have been sent in search of the escaped Death Eaters." Dumbledore paused, a look concern displayed on his face.  
  
"We have no other information at this time, and I hope that Severus will be able to return soon to shed some light on the matter. In fact, I expect him any moment.  
  
"As hard as it is to sit and wait, I'm afraid that is all we can do right now."  
  
Narnia looked to the floor. Dumbledore knew Severus was involved, yet, despite concern, seemed unbothered by it. There could only be one explanation, therefore placing Severus in a more precarious position than she originally thought. Unaware, she began to nervously tap her fingers on the arm of her chair. She fixed her eyes on the door, willing Severus to walk through it. It was imperative to know he was okay. She suddenly felt a warm sensation on top of her hand, jerking her away from her thoughts. Looking down, she noticed Lupin had placed his gently on top of hers, in an attempt to calm her. Feebly, she smiled at him.  
  
Moments passed by with difficulty, coupled with conversations Narnia struggled to follow. Some members of the assembled group had left, leaving a few to remain. She had deserted her seat a while ago, to take a place next to the window overlooking the grounds. She spun around when the door to Dumbledore's office immediately opened, producing a slightly disheveled Severus Snape.  
  
Narnia felt as though she had finally come up for air and her eyes were set on his dark figure, even though his attentions never lingered in her direction. She waited for some signal of recognition from him, but it never came. Even still, he seemed physically unharmed, putting her fears at ease. He had more pressing matters to address than taking a moment to reassure her and she suddenly felt foolish and selfish for expecting more from him.  
  
"Headmaster, if I may have a word. Privately."  
  
"Of course." Dumbledore politely continued, "If you will excuse us, please."  
  
Narnia made her exit with others. Arriving in the corridor again, the group dispersed, leaving Narnia and Lupin alone.  
  
"I should make myself scarce, in case a student spots me," Lupin stated.  
  
"Of course." Narnia remained distracted.  
  
"Could I interest you in some lunch? To get your mind off things," he offered.  
  
That sort of distraction Narnia knew she could welcome. It would be a sufficient way to spend the time until she could make for the dungeons to see Severus. From his tone, it appeared he would be speaking with her uncle for an extended amount of time. "What did you have in mind?"  
  
"Just follow me."  
  
Lupin led Narnia down a series of hallways and passages, stopping only to check for passersby, when they finally stopped in front of an old tapestry, displaying trolls in tutus.  
  
"Stand here for a moment," Lupin stated and then walked up and down the corridor, past Narnia, several times. She was confused, for a minute, but then noticed a door had appeared from thin air. Grabbing its handle, he ushered her inside. "After you." The quirky nature of the magical world had long worn off for Narnia and without question she stepped inside. Her appreciation for her new home was quickly reborn.  
  
The room was fashioned to resemble a small café, quaint and comfortable. In the center was a table set for two, nothing romantic, which would have caused Narnia discomfort, but just a casual setting. Food had already been prepared and set onto the table and Lupin had taken the liberty to pull out her chair.  
  
Amazed, she inquired about her surroundings. "What is this place, Remus?" She took her seat, allowing him the opportunity to answer.  
  
"It is termed, 'The Room of Requirement'. We required a place of obscurity to have lunch and therefore, have been awarded one. My friends and I happened upon it while at school here. It can be quite useful. For instance, Harry and his classmates used it only last year as a way to practice Defense Against the Dark Arts, away from prying eyes," Lupin concluded, taking his seat.  
  
"Interesting," Narnia replied, chuckling. "I shall never cease to be amazed."  
  
Upon placing her napkin in her lap, Narnia began to pick through the food on her plate. "This was a wonderful idea, Remus. Thank you for letting me tag along."  
  
"Oh, my pleasure. Besides, we had agreed on lunch sometime and Hogsmeade, obviously, is out of the question, plus....you looked as though you could use a break."  
  
Smiling in response, Narnia began to pick through her food again, curious as to what Severus and Dumbledore were discussing.  
  
"Was today the first time you became aware of Severus' duties to the Order?" Lupin suddenly asked.  
  
Looking up from her plate, she collected her thoughts before replying. "I suppose. It seems quite obvious to me now, of course."  
  
"Hmm. Well, Severus provides us with a fortunate advantage. Sadly, most individuals don't appreciate what he does. Present company excluded, of course."  
  
Blushing, Narnia turned her eyes away from Lupin.  
  
"I wonder if Severus realizes how lucky he is to be the object of your affections," Lupin teased, chuckling.  
  
Narnia did not know how to respond.  
  
"I apologize. It was not my intention to make you uncomfortable, Narnia."  
  
"It's fine, really. Am I..... that obvious?"  
  
"Quite. Though, I doubt to him. Severus has never appeared to be in touch with his 'less abrasive' emotions."  
  
"Appearances can be deceiving, you know," Narnia stated, rising to Severus' defense. "Don't misunderstand me. I've never seen them in abundance, but they are under there and I've caught glimpses of them from time to time. Though I will not indulge," Narnia teased, "I believe I have given him some indication that I feel something for him."  
  
Lupin seemed impressed. "Well, then, there seems to be hope for him, for you." He paused and then added, "Not that any of this is my business, but it would be my advice to take it slowly with him."  
  
"Noted."  
  
Narnia and Lupin finished their lunch, concluding with Lupin offering reasons he must take his leave. Narnia expressed her gratitude for his company and conversation and vowed to provide another opportunity to meet. She gathered he was politely freeing her up to seek out Severus in the dungeons, assuming the session with the Headmaster was over, and she appreciated his understanding. As Lupin could have predicted, once out in the corridor, Narnia's feet carried her in the direction of Severus' office. 


	19. White Flag

A/N: My apologies for taking so long to update. My computer just up and died several weeks ago, well as far as internet connection is concerned, and I have been disconnected from all of you. The time off found me quite anxious to write, however, and I've had enough time to produce several chapters. I hope you like them and look forward to reviews of every sort, except unproductive ones, of course. i.e. "Snape is sooooo hot." Nothing like that please.  
  
White Flag  
  
"I will go down with this ship; I won't throw my hands up and surrender. There will be no white flag above my door; I'm in love and always will be."  
  
--Dido  
  
This was becoming a familiar ritual for Narnia. Her last trek to Severus' office was quite different however, with thoughts of how to apologize polluting her mind. She was grateful that was behind them, though knowing he had been a Death Eater and currently seemed to be masquerading as one still created the occasional doubt. This had been the result of her mind turning it over and over, but in the end, she let her feelings for him always squash her misgivings. She had hoped his return to Hogwarts would be under better circumstances, but the current situation made this journey to his office bittersweet. The past days must have been intense for him and if just to simply offer a listening ear, she wanted him to know she was there.  
  
As she walked along the corridors, she smoothed her hands across her robes. She was nervous to see him again, alone. Her hope had been that the past two days hadn't found him regretting his actions in her office prior to his leaving. Confident that what had passed between them was sincere she quickened her pace. Though the time he had been away found her desiring to be in his arms again, for unlimited amounts of time, her current concern was to make sure he was all right.  
  
After reaching his door, knocking, and hearing no reply, she waited only for a moment before stepping inside. The only sound was that of her heart beating in her ears. She sighed in disappointment, but an idea popped into her mind. Walking over to Severus' desk, she found a scrap piece of parchment and jotted down a message.  
  
Dinner. My quarters. Seven.  
  
Glad you're back,  
N.F.  
  
Narnia stared at her writing before folding the paper and placing it in line of sight. She scribbled his name on the outside to ensure his receiving it and smiling to herself, she left to prepare.  
  
After making arrangements with the house elves, Narnia indulged in a long, hot bath. Leaning her head back against the cool porcelain, she took a deep breath. For the first time that day, her mind had the chance to relax. The weight of what had transpired earlier finally began to come down upon her. She and Remus had discussed the Azkaban breakout, but she, at least, had still been in a state of shock over the news. Closing her eyes, she allowed only a few tears to stream down her cheeks. If ever there was a time to be strong, it was now and letting fear grip her wouldn't be appropriate. Steeling her resolve, she sat up and focused her thought on tonight.  
  
After debating with herself over shaving her legs, Narnia finally gave in, though it was not her intention to invite Severus into her bed so quickly. Remus had advised her to go slowly and she agreed. In addition, she did not want Severus to think he could acquire those attentions from her so quickly, though she had no doubt she would crumble if he put forth the effort. In her appearance, she would pay attention to every detail. If she felt sexy, he would think her so. To entice him was her goal and though she had never desired these attentions from a man before, that was all changing, and she hoped she would be able to feed what he already felt towards her.  
  
With her wet hair spilling down her back, she slipped into her silk robe and made her way to where her gowns were hanging. As she was just deciding to wear the emerald green velvet dress, she heard a familiar voice calling to her from the front room.  
  
"Let the game begin," she thought to herself. Running her fingers through her hair once more and securing her robe, she walked to the fireplae where Severus' head was staring back at her.  
  
"May I?" he asked.  
  
"Of course," Narnia replied and Severus Snape stepped into the sitting room where she stood.  
  
Narnia began to step closer towards him, noticing her invitation to dinner clutched in his hand, but stopped when he moved further from her, as if she was plagued with disease, placing himself behind her chair. Her smile faded at his rigid manner.  
  
"For future reference, it would be appreciated, Professor, if you were to stay out of my classroom or any other of my rooms, for that matter, unless given permission to do so. I believe I only required your presence in the dungeons through yesterday, yet you barge into my office today, in my absence. It is an annoying habit you have and I have tolerated it long enough."  
  
Narnia narrowed her eyes at him, disbelieving what she was hearing. If he had ever been uncomfortable with something, he usually made it known right away. This was the last thing she had expected from him.  
  
"Severus, I---"Narnia began.  
  
"Apparently, you have gained the wrong impression," he interrupted coolly.  
  
She only stood there in an awed silence, staring at him. With a clam voice of defeat, aware that he had likely thought things through, his request seemingly a cover for his decision to distance himself, Narnia replied, "Yes, obviously I have. I was quite mistaken to think you could let me in, let me care for you." His demeanor remained unchanged and he abruptly turned to leave. Just before entering the hearth, he stopped at her words, not turning to face her. "I'll honor your demand, but know this. No matter how hard you push me away, you can't and won't stop how I feel about you."  
  
Without lingering, he vanished, leaving Narnia to numbly stare at the floor. Her last words had sounded desperate, but she was tired of sitting on the seesaw of her emotions. She had hoped her statement would bring him back across the room and into her arms, but she had known it foolish to think he would react in such a way. If her feelings were obvious to everyone else, why shouldn't she make them known to him? After an indefinite amount of time had passed, she summoned a house elf to cancel her evening's plans. Not a day in which she could hide out in her room, she walked back into her bedroom and suppressing a fleeting moment of anguish, she slipped into the green velvet dress, defiantly, and decided that not all her plans had to be cancelled. Tears were not an option she wished to pursue. She decided her ally would be a stronger will, to break through the walls Severus was so determined to fortify.  
  
Narnia took one last look in the mirror before leaving for dinner. She had planned on wearing her hair down earlier, but eventually came to the decision to put it up, loosely, with several curls falling gently to decorate her neck. Staring at her reflection, she grinned impishly at herself. If her prior state of being scantily clad had not conjured the desired effect, her appearance at present was sure to, providing Severus with a good look at what he was turning away from.  
  
Entering the Great Hall, Narnia was aware of several heads turning in her direction. This reaction was to her delight and produced a wide smile across her face. Taking her seat and looking down the table, she noticed a visitor had joined them for the evening meal. Ignoring Snape, she turned in the opposite direction to ask another colleague about their guest. Before she was able to inquire, the Headmaster stood to make the introduction.  
  
"It is a pleasure to have Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic joining us for dinner this evening. I know all of you will make him feel welcome." Those gathered for dinner applauded casually and her uncle continued on. "Without further ado..." Dumbledore waved his hands and the meal commenced.  
  
Despite the silence between them, Narnia held her composure and fortitude to not let Snape get the best of her. She simply overlooked his presence at the table and engaged herself in conversation with other staff members. At the conclusion of dinner, her uncle motioned for her to join him, along with Cornelius Fudge, who was already beaming at her. "Narnia, I would like to introduce you to Cornelius Fudge," Dumbledore stated, looking from Narnia to the Minister of Magic.  
  
"Pleasure, my dear. I must say, I doubt you have any trouble holding the attention of our young men in your classes, "Fudge complimented and then looking over her shoulder, added, "Wouldn't you agree Snape?"  
  
Unaware that he had been standing behind her, Narnia neglected to turn and face him, but stiffened slightly at the revelation. An uncomfortable silence passed before her uncle interjected. "Another of Professor Fairling's charming attributes is her intellect and ability to teach. I'm sure that alone holds our students captive." Turning back to Narnia, he continued, "If you'll excuse us. The Minister is here on business other than paying compliments to our female staff members," he finished with a chuckle.  
  
Feeling the blush in her cheeks, she decided to make light of the situation with her reply. "Compliments such as yours, Minister, never go unappreciated. It was a pleasure to have met you at last." She bowed her head and turning to leave, she bumped into Snape, oblivious to how close he was actually standing to her. She glanced up at him impatiently and met his eyes for a moment, his expression unreadable. He shifted sideways to let her pass. Without looking back, she left the Hall and on her way to retire for the evening, she wondered just what his reaction had been to the Minister's inquiry. 


	20. These Dreams

These Dreams  
  
More than a month had passed since Lucius Malfoy and his cohorts had escaped Azkaban prison. There had been no word since and the quiet waiting was agonizing. The majority of Hogwarts' students had left for the Christmas holiday, causing an unspoken anxiety to circulate amongst the staff. Narnia had felt obligated to see them off and as she watched each one board the Express, she hoped when they arrived back to the platform in a few weeks time that all would be well. After the train had left the Hogsmeade station, she traded worried glances with Hagrid and the two made their way out of the cold, back to the warmth of the castle.  
  
Despite her concerns for her students, she had eagerly awaited the time off. The amount of class work before the break had demanded her attentions, keeping her away from other leisures. In addition, her inability to sleep more than a few hours a night rendered her unable to do much else. Her dreams were increasingly more vivid, and if not for this newest development, she may have swallowed her pride and sought out Professor Snape for more sleeping draught. She desperately desired the rest, but she felt as though she was perhaps coming nearer to figuring out this mystery and she didn't want to jeopardize any progress she may be making.  
  
With the rooms she frequently occupied being within the main levels of the castle and Snape's being in the dungeons, she only saw him at meals. He had to be as immersed in work as she had been, but part of his isolation was to avoid her, of this, she was sure. They had rarely spoken in the past month and only then when Narnia initiated, but it was never any more than a "good afternoon" or "hello". She would have guessed their situation to be much different right now, but it had taken a twist, leaving them in possibly a worse condition than when they had first become acquainted. Surprisingly, she preferred his biting remarks to this outright disregard he had adopted towards her.  
  
Two days into the Christmas holiday, after having written Gran and watching the snow fall gracefully to form a blanket over the grounds, Narnia grew restless. Leaving her rooms, she decided to pay a visit to her uncle, an idea beginning to form in her mind.  
  
Saying the password and then being beckoned into his office, she found her uncle affectionately attending to Fawkes, who was looking rather ill.  
  
"I'm afraid it's that time for him again, but necessary, of course," Dumbledore stated and then turned to face his niece, appearing pleased to have gained her company, motioning for her to take a seat.  
  
Reflecting on Fawkes, Narnia offered her thoughts. "We should all be so lucky as to get a fresh start every so often."  
  
"We do, my dear. It's all in how we perceive those opportunities," her uncle replied taking his own seat. "The Christmas holidays, for example, are an excellent time to recharge and prepare for a new term."  
  
Narnia smiled in response, appreciating yet again how muich she enjoyed her uncle's company and his likeness to her grandmother.  
  
"I do hope you are taking full advantage of the time off. I value your efforts, but also your well-being. You've been working yourself rather hard, Narnia."  
  
"I won't deny the need from some rest, but I feel caged already." With no desire to indulge in her distractions of late, she pushed forward with her initial reasons for visiting the Headmaster. "I was thinking of rallying the remaining students and staff for a snowball fight, before dinner this evening." She didn't have to wait long for her uncle's response.  
  
"I wouldn't see why not. Things of this nature usually find their way of happening regardless. Someone always brings forth the idea. It seems to be one of our more casual traditions," he stated with a grin.  
  
"Good, Well, then, I'll speak with each Head of House right away." As Narnia began to stand up, her uncle spoke.  
  
"Professor Sprout has already left to visit her family for the holidays and Professor Snape is gone as well."  
  
Narnia's mind went blank and she felt the color drain from her face. She stared at her uncle momentarily before regaining her thoughts. Clearing her throat, she replied, "Very well. I'll ask Minverva to speak with any Hufflepuffs, while I gather any Slytherins."  
  
Turning to leave, she stopped at the door when Dumbledore spoke once more. "Severus will be back at Hogwarts in a few days time." Meeting her uncle's eyes, looking for a trace of reassurance, she only saw his own concern. Shaking her head in acknowledgement, she left the Headmaster's office with a heavy heart.  
  
Out on the grounds, Narnia stood, catching her breath, bent over with her hands placed on her knees. Looking around at the group gathered, she was pleased to see that everyone's defining differences had been laid aside for an afternoon. After all, her purpose for getting everyone together had not been to maim each other with balls of snow and ice, but to work on the camaraderie between the houses. When everyone had arrived outside, she had taken charge and divided the ten students into two teams, not according to house. She and Hagrid served as team captains, while the other teachers had voiced their wishes to remain on the sidelines and they watches as, in the end, Hagrid's team took the victory.  
  
Exhausted, the group made their way back into the castle, chattering to one another about the afternoon's event. Arriving inside, they were greeted by Professor Dumbldore who ushered them into the Great Hall for some hot chocolate. Alloweing everyone to pass, he placed a hand on Narnia's shoulder.  
  
"It seems our young Gryffindors and Slytherins are finally learning to get along, "he stated.  
  
Narnia followed his gaze, her own resting upon Harry Potter and Ron Weasley speaking with two second year Slytherins.  
  
"Let's hope this new 'friendship' endures."  
  
"Well, it is a place to begin. Shall we?" Dumbledore ushered his niece into the Great Hall, where students and professors alike were enjoying Hogwarts' finest hot chocolate.  
  
The afternoon's recreation had served as a suitable distraction for Narnia. While freshening up before dinner, her mind now freed up from all else, focused only on one thing.  
  
Her uncle did not need to indulge the details of Severus' whereabouts. She knew he was potentially in harm's way. Apparently, he had been at this routine for some time, prior to Narnia's knowing him, and if had walked away unscathed for this long, he was capable of looking out for himself.  
  
Dinner was quiet this evening, despite the intimate setting of one round table seating the castle's occupants. Narnia dreaded the stiffness she would undoubtedly experience in her body tomorrow morning, but the exercise was welcomed and the exhaustion, she hoped, would provide her with a full night's rest. After finishing her meal, she made to leave the table, noticing her two sixth year Gryffindors departing as well. Wishing to speak with them, she decided to exit through the main doors.  
  
"You, Mr. Weasley, I still say I hit you, twice, this afternoon, placing our teams at a tie," Narnia said, approaching Harry and Ron. They stopped, allowing her to join them, before continuing their stride.  
  
"You missed Professor and we won. Perhaps you should work on your aim," Ron teased.  
  
Narnia raised her eyebrows, grinning. "Oh really. Well, perhaps next time we will use wands and see what the outcome is."  
  
"In that case, it may be best for me to watch," Ron stated.  
  
Narnia chuckled and then continued, "I wanted to thank both of you and tell you now very proud I am of you for what you did today."  
  
Ron looked confused, but Harry chimed in before he could inquire. "I'm sure once the holiday is over, things will go back to normal though."  
  
"Everyone is aware of the enmity between Gryffindor House and Slytherin, but don't be discouraged with small steps, Harry. You've moved forward today and you may move backwards, then forward again. Just be patient. Undoubtedly, it will be awkward when the new term begins, but don't give up. Try to keep in mind the big picture."  
  
"Trust me, Professor, I can't escape the big picture," Harry stated bitterly.  
  
Harry's statement rendered Narnia speechless and she found they had arrived at their departing point. Stopping to turn and face them both, she placed her hand on Harry's shoulder and gently squeezed. Dropping her hand back to her side, she bid them goodnight and returned to her rooms.  
  
Inside her quarters at last, she plopped down into the chair facing the hearth. Dazedly staring at the flames erupting within it, Harry's statement echoed through her mind. Though, by coming to Hogwarts, she had taken on a more active and important role in this war against Voldemort, her part was nothing compared to the one that Harry was playing. She willed herself to believe the outcome of it all would only be for the side of good and then, hopefully, Haryy oculd work on some sort of normal existence.  
  
Unaware of the time spent in front of the fire, she let out a resigned sigh and stood to go to bed. Pulling the blankets snuggly around her and turning on her side, a mental image of Severus formed on the backs of her eyelids once she had closed them. He was gazing back at her with no definite expression and to the darkness of her room, she whispered, "Be safe."  
  
Chill hung in the night air with Narnia's vision being fogged by her own breath. Realizing the familiar nature of the situation, she dropped her shoulders and without taking a moment to look around at the surrounding forest, she ran for the clearing where she knew he was receiving his death sentence. As she grew closer, she ignored caution, noticing the others standing amongst the tree line. They had become more apparent only weeks ago, but seemed as unaware of her presence as all the others. They were all hooded and standing in the shadows. Arriving at the clearing, she again saw the three men, one of them, him. He was kneeling before them as always, apparently beaten and nearly lifeless. His back was towards her and she glanced away from him, looking to the figures standing above him. One of them, the man who always raised his wand to perform the murder, was completely cloaked and Narnia was unable to make any observations of him. Before she could see anything else, a cloud passed over the moon above, shadowing all that lay below it. In the darkness, Narnia was blinded, but when the moon revealed itself again, she gasped at the sight before her. The flash of silvery white caught her eye and as the second man raised his head, she was looking into the face of Lucius Malfoy. He did not meet her eyes, but sneered at the man kneeling before him, triumphant in stature. Noticing the cloaked man reaching for his wand, she ran forward, falling to her knees, reaching out in desperation. The man kneeling, whom she had seen in her visions for nearly her entire life, lifted his head to her and her heart almost ceased beating. 


	21. To The Rescue

A/N: Thanks to everyone who keeps reading and reviewing.( You are such an encouragement. To Crystal: Yes, I do have another story bouncing around in my head, but am determined to finish this one first. To Anne Shiley: I tried to review your latest chapter in Ancient Runes, but computer was doing something weird, but I would like to here. It was a great chapter and written so nicely. When our heroine ran into Sirius, I, of course, was expecting Severus at first, but you tricked me.( It looks as though the foundation is being laid for another source of trouble between our Marauders and future Potions Master. Can't wait for more! To Jade: Thanks so much for your reviews.( To Rycca: I miss seeing your reviews and I'm sorry that apparently my story has taken a turn away from your interests. Rougarre keeps me waiting anxiously for the next chapter!  
  
To the Rescue  
  
Breathing rapidly, Narnia threw the blankets off of her and without any thought, ran immediately to her uncle's office. Thoughts would only slow her, so she kept her focus solely on getting to her uncle. Skipping a stair at a time on the stone gargoyle as it carried her to Dumbledore's office door, she burst inside without knocking, initially unaware of the pale-faced Harry Potter sitting in a nearby seat. Her uncle looked at her quizzically and before he could speak, Narnia began desperately.  
  
"Severus...." She gasped, trying to control her breathing. "....They're going to kill him. We have to get to him now," she stated, her voice and eyes pleading with her uncle. Dumbledore looked at her strangely only for a brief moment and then stood, looking to Harry and then spoke. Narnia quickly glanced back, noticing the young Gryffindor for the first time and turned away from his confused look. Dumbledore was looking at her again.  
  
"Narnia, I'm afraid I need you to explain yourself."  
  
"I can give you full explanation later; please take my word...Severus is in danger. Malfoy is there and other Death Eaters, I believe. They're going to kill him. We must hurry."  
  
"Harry, there is nothing else you can tell us about what you know?" Dumbledore inquired.  
  
Puzzled, Narnia turned to look at Harry again.  
  
"No, Professor, just that I think Voldemort was planning to kill."  
  
"We cannot delay, Uncle. We must do something now," Narnia interjected.  
  
"Dumbledore stared at her for what seemed like an eternity before continuing.  
  
"Harry, I would like you to return to Gryffindor tower at once and remain there. You were right to come to me this evening."  
  
Harry slowly stood and without reply, he left the Headmaster's office.  
  
Impatiently, Narnia stepped closer towards her uncle. Before she could speak, he raised his hand to quiet her.  
  
"My dear, I am unaware of Severus' whereabouts. Am I to believe you have some indication of where he is?"  
  
"Yes, in a forest. I do not know which one, but can picture it clearly enough in my mind to apparate there."  
  
"Very well, but this must be done quickly. I fear that even if this is not a trap, then we will still be placing ourselves in the gravest of situations. Voldemort, without question, is present there. However, we must do what we can for Severus."  
  
Walking over to one of the paintings, Dumbledore began to speak with its occupant.  
  
"Please inform Minerva that I'll be returning soon, hopefully, and ask that she come here to wait for my return. She'll need to have Poppy ready for Professors Fairling and Snape in the infirmary as well."  
  
The former Headmaster in the portrait nodded in agreement and disappeared from view.  
  
Walking back to his niece, extending his hand, he added. "Wands out. You go to Severus and I will provide you the opportunity to reach him safely. Then take this portkey," Dumbledore handed Narnia a candy from his desk after charming it, "and you will be brought directly to the infirmary. Shall we?" Narnia shook her head. In an instant they were gone.  
  
For the first time outside of her dreams, Narnia found herself actually standing in the forest that had haunted her for several months now. The moon was high overhead and the sound of the stream trickled in the distance. Her initial instinct was to break into a run, but held back, knowing this time, she would not go unnoticed. She met her uncle's eyes and pointed in the direction of the clearing. The ongoing silence around her caused her stomach to lurch and she hoped they weren't too late to save him. Before her last glimmer of hope seeped away, she heard the voices of Malfoy and what now could be assumed was Lord Voldemort, himself. Without coming too close to the gathered group, Narnia and Dumbledore adjusted themselves to see that, in fact, they had arrived just in time. From their vantage point, they could see the back of Malfoy and the top of Severus' head as knelt on the ground. The sight found Narnia forcing back the contents of her stomach and with one quick glance at her uncle, the moment had come for them to make their move.  
  
Dumbledore disappeared from her side and she waited until the moment she could run forward, grab Severus, and bring him safely home. Suddenly, there was a commotion among the gathered group and the Death Eaters standing within the circle began running in all directions. Narnia could see Malfoy spinning around, looking for the source of the confusion, reaching for his own wand and then turning back to Severus. Charging forward, unaware of whether Voldemort remained or had vanished, Narnia cried, "Expelliarmus," disarming Malfoy. He glared at her in shock and ran from the clearing. Kneeling down and wrapping her arms around Severus limp body, she grabbed the portkey from her pocket and before returning home, a pain shot through her leg. Before discovering its source, they were gone and lying upon the cold floor of Hogwarts' hospital wing.  
  
Holding Severus across her lap, gently rocking back and forth, she absentmindedly stroked the hair back from his face with her free hand, all the while, faintly aware of the sound of footsteps approaching them rapidly. A figure appeared in her periphery and she looked up to see the shocked expression of Madam Pomfrey.  
  
"Good gracious heavens. Let's get him to a bed, quickly."  
  
Making an effort to raise herself from the cold floor, Narnia stumbled slighty and lifting Severus' body with some difficulty, they made their way to the closest bed.  
  
Madam Pomfrey hastily began to assess the damage and without stopping spoke.  
  
"What has happened tonight, Professor?"  
  
Narnia's eyes were fixed on Severus' face and unsure if she would be able to respond, she opened her mouth, fumbling for the explanation Madam Pomfrey needed.  
  
"My dear, if you please," Madam Pomfrey stated in an irritable tone.  
  
Narnia looked away from Severus and to Madam Pomfrey, her eyes pleading for answers.  
  
"Voldemort and the others...They were torturing him and preparing to..." Narnia's voice trailed off, but from Madam Pomfrey's expression, Narnia knew she didn't need any further explanation.  
  
"Well, then. It seems we have our work cut out for us. I will need your help, if you are able to give it, "Madam Pomfrey inquired.  
  
Narnia shook her head. The only place she could fathom being right now was at Severus' side and no power on earth would be able to drag her away. Though she felt she would fall apart at any given moment, he needed her to pull it together and she would have to make due.  
  
"Okay, first, we'll need to disrobe him to get a better perspective on his wounds."  
  
Carefully, but quickly, Narnia worked at what was left of Severus' coat, stifling her gasps at the bruised and torn condition of the pale skin beneath. Severus' remained unconscious, but the shallow rise and fall of his chest signaled they had not lost him yet. Once they were able to account for the visible damage, Madam Pomfrey made for her stores to retrieve some healing potions. Waiting for her return to his bedside, Narnia kept one hand firmly pressed upon the blood-stained cloth that was keeping one of his wounds from gushing. He had been cut deeply into his side and the concern on Madam Pomfrey's face had not passed by unnoticed. Reaching her hand up to his face, Narnia began to stroke his hair again. Feeling the warmth of several tears streaming down her face, she lightly said his name and assured him everything would be all right.  
  
When Madam Pomfrey cam bustling back, the Headmaster and Professor McGonogall accompanied her. A small bloom of relief sprung open in Narnia at seeing her uncle was safe, though the event undoubtedly tired him. Professor McGonogall's face lost all color at the sight before her and returning diligently to work, Madam Pomfrey answered any questions as she continued on.  
  
"How does it look, Poppy?" Dumbledore asked soberly.  
  
"Not good, but it could be worse," Poppy stated.  
  
Narnia's shoulders slumped. She looked again to Severus lying motionless on the hospital bed, everything else around her fading away. Seeing the sight from the clearing in her mind again, she began to feel dizzy and nauseated. She wouldn't be able to hold back and quickly withdrew from his bedside, with no idea of where to run, but being unable to control it any longer, she braced herself between two beds, just yards away, and forcefully emptied the contents of her stomach onto the floor.  
  
By the time Narnia had slumped to the floor, she felt two hands, one on each of her shoulders, and looked up to see her uncle's concerned face.  
  
"Minerva, a glass of water, please." Dumbledore helped Narnia to her feet and helped her to sit down on one of the mattresses. Narnia stared at the floor, while her uncle remained at her side. "Severus is in the best of care. As there appears to be nothing more we can do for him right now, other than let him rest, perhaps we should all return to our quarters and get some rest of our own."  
  
Professor McGonogall had returned with the glass of water and handed it to Narnia. Barely being able to hold onto it from the tremor in her hands, she took a small sip and then set it on the bedside table. Feebly, she spoke. "No, I'll be staying here." With her decision made, she looked up to meet her uncle's eyes. They gazed at each other indefinitely, before Minerva spoke.  
  
She was leaning down, examining Narnia's leg, when she asked for Madam Pomfrey's assistance.  
  
"Poppy, she's received a nasty gash to her lower leg."  
  
Madam Pomfrey quickly came to evaluate her laceration and as Narnia and her uncle continued their unspoken conversation, she cleaned and dressed the cut.  
  
Breaking the silence, her uncle leaned into her, holding her head gently in his hands and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Very well. Poppy will provide you with fresh clothes. If you are feeling up to it, we can talk tomorrow, then."  
  
Narnia shook her head in agreement. The two professors left her side and returned to the end of Severus' bed. "Professor Fairling will be staying this evening. Please inform me of any changes."  
  
"Of course, Albus."  
  
With that, Professors Dumbledore and McGonogall left the infirmary. Narnia slowly slid off the bed and made her way back to Severus' side. She pulled a chair close and sat down, clutching onto his hand. She was unaware that Madam Pomfrey had finished her administrations to him and was now standing behind her. Poppy placed her hand gently on Narnia's shoulder to gain her attention.  
  
Narnia turned to look at her.  
  
"Narnia, the lavatory is right over there. You will find some fresh clothing by the sink. Why don't you go and freshen up and I'll keep an eye on Professor Snape while you do so," Poppy stated soothingly.  
  
With one look back to Severus, she stood up and walked to the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and for the first time, noticed she was only wearing her nightgown from earlier in the evening, only it was now caked with dried blood; sliding down the door, she began to weep. Placing her face against the cold stone wall, she tried to clear her mind as she made an effort to grasp all that had occurred tonight. She had anticipated this moment for so long; finally knowing the identity of the man from her dreams. However, knowing Severus as two different people, now, created conflict. On one hand, he was the man who needed her and was always reaching out to her, yet the man she had come to know in recent months and found herself falling in love with, consistently pulled away. Once, and if, he awoke, he would want all of the details and she knew her part in the tale would only push him farther away. Wiping the wetness from her eyes, she slowly stood up. Until that time arrived for her explanations, she would do all in her ability to help him, while he was unable to send her away.  
  
After cleaning herself up, she returned to his side and placed herself back into the chair. Madam Pomfrey was pulling the blankets up and around him and then proceeded to hand one to Narnia.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"If you need me, dear, I will be just in that room," she stated, pointing. She then added, "The next several hours will be the most important and after that, I believe he will be out of the woods. I'll be in to check on him periodically. Do try to get some rest."  
  
Nodding her head, Narnia placed her hand over Severus' again as Poppy left her alone with him. Staring back at him, she faintly grinned. "You heard her. Now don't be your usual difficult self and get better. Besides, there will be no one for the students to loathe if you're not around."  
  
After watching him for what seemed like hours, the rhythm of his breathing entranced Narnia and eventually her eyes began to droop. Keeping her grip on his hand, she scooted her chair even closer and laid her head down on the bed, at his side.  
  
In the shadows, one Albus Dumbledore was somewhat relieved to see that all was currently stable and his heart was once again moved by the devotion and love his niece held for the Potions Master. How Narnia had known of the danger Severus had been in that evening, he was still unsure, but guessed that a deeper bond connected them than even they were aware of. Once revealed, Narnia would undoubtedly embrace it, but Severus, well, the fallout could be catastrophic. 


	22. The Morning After

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! I greatly appreciate it. Jade—Thank you for your kind words. They meant so much.(  
  
The Morning After  
  
Jolting upright in her chair, Narnia waited for her eyes to adjust to discover her whereabouts. Light was streaming in through the windows of the hospital wing and a swift remembrance fled to her mind. Rubbing at the stiffness in her neck with one hand, she turned to face the sleeping figure in the bed beside her. A tinge of color had returned to his face and his slumber had taken on a more peaceful manner. Out of habit, she watched to see the lift and fall of his chest and breathing a sigh of relief, began to rub the sleep out of her eyes. Standing to stretch out the soreness throughout her body, she approached the head of the bed and tenderly brushed back a strand of Severus' dark hair from his face. Lingering with indecision, she gave in and bent down to place a gentle kiss on his forehead.  
  
"Good morning," she whispered against his skin.  
  
Leaning back, she noticed the lack of change her nearness caused and looked up as Madam Pomfrey entered the infirmary carrying a tray of various bottles and approached Severus' bedside.  
  
"Finally awake I see? I won't ask how you slept. I'm sure you're feeling the strain of it right now," Poppy stated as she sat the tray down on the nearest table.  
  
Narnia smiled weakly and then inquired after Severus' condition.  
  
"Most of the artificial wounds are healing nicely, but he lost a fair amount of blood from the deeper ones and will probably be in bed for at least a few more days. I wager he'll be awake within the day's time, but I'll have to keep an eye on his dressings. He's never been the easiest patient to look after, so the recovery for him may be painstaking."  
  
Concerned, Narnia asked of her meaning. "I don't follow, Poppy."  
  
"He's stubborn and I doubt he'll see the need to stay in here, under my watch. It won't be good, at all, if he reopens those cuts," she replied impatiently.  
  
"Well," Narnia began, glancing back at Severus, "I have no words of advice for you there."  
  
Approaching footsteps belonged to the Headmaster himself and greeting both of the women, he was informed, at once, of Severus' condition. Narnia caught a trace of relief in his features and this allowed her to feel more confident that Severus was, indeed, on the road to recovery.  
  
Narnia and her uncle stepped away from the bed, as Madam Pomfrey drew curtains around to begin a new cycle of administrations.  
  
"Might I ask how you are this morning?" Dumbledore inquired.  
  
Looking to the floor, Narnia searched her mind for the words to describe exactly how confused and weighted down all of this had made her feel. When she came up with nothing, Dumbledore stepped forward and embraced his niece, both feeling the corners of their eyes beginning to sting.  
  
"Uncle, I want to thank you, for......trusting me, even though my busting into your office seemed so ludicrous. You put your life in danger and I cannot express my appreciation for your helping me. I don't know what I would have done without your help."  
  
Stepping back, he replied, "It is no less than what you would have done had the roles been reversed. The same can be said of Severus."  
  
Smiling at her uncle, her obligation to offer him an explanation overwhelmed her. "I would like the opportunity to explain, even though everything is not quite clear to me yet. You deserve that much from me."  
  
"Well, as Severus' is resting comfortably and Poppy is busy attending to him, I believe I have some time on my hands this morning, for a chat, if you are up to it."  
  
"Very well, I just need to stop at my rooms to pick something up. I will come to your office straight away then."  
  
"Poppy?" Dumbledore inquired, waiting for acknowledgement from the medi- witch. When she poked her head through the curtains, he continued, "Narnia and I will be in my office if we are needed. Please keep us informed of any changes."  
  
She nodded her head in agreement and disappeared again. Narnia was anxious to leave the hospital wing, but an encouraging nudge from Dumbledore gave her the strength to walk forward.  
  
Every step carrying her away from Severus' bedside was a heavy one, leaving Narnia with the impression that the walk to her rooms would take twice as long as usual. Surprised to finally make it to her rooms, she stepped inside, everything seemed to be as if she was looking at it for the first time. Looking around, she breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly. The temptation to allow her mind to start sorting through all that had happened was great, but she couldn't risk her mind reeling out of control, with her emotions tagging along. She hoped her uncle would be able to focus her thoughts and retrieving her journal, she left for his office.  
  
"No, thank you," Narnia stated at her uncle's offer of tea.  
  
Dumbledore served himself a cup and then took a seat alongside his niece. "I'll let you begin, if you like."  
  
"Of course," Narnia said, unsure of where to begin, but deciding to dive in. "This is my first telling of this, so please forgive any confusion on my part. It has all been a mystery to me for many years up until just last night. Gran doesn't even know."  
  
Narnia absentmindedly ran her hand over the cover of her journal. "For years now, I've been having reoccurring dreams. What happens in them is not always the same, but one thing has remained constant. A man.....faceless....is always reaching out to me. He's always in some kind of danger and needs my help. After a while of this happening repeatedly, I started to record my visions down, in this journal, hoping I'd be able to come to an answer some day. I never once questioned whether this person existed or not, something just told me he did."  
  
Standing, Narnia crossed the journal across her chest and made her way to the window. Looking out across the grounds, she went on. "After receiving your letter of invitation to come to Hogwarts, I dreamt of this man again, only this time, he was in great danger. His life was at stake. I felt if I came here, I'd be placing myself further from actually being able to help him, but in the end, knew that nothing I had tried in the past had worked and wasn't likely to. So, I decided to come here to teach and assumed that the dreams would subside. They didn't. They came more often and became more detailed as time went on. Until last night, I was unable to determine any specifics, but when I dreamt of that clearing again, everything became clear at once. I first recognized Lucius Malfoy and then," Narnia paused, "and then, I looked to the man kneeling and saw Severus."  
  
Narnia stopped speaking and allowed her last two thoughts to resound in her mind. A silent moment passed before Dumbledore spoke.  
  
"And that is when you came to me?" he asked.  
  
"Yes. For the first time I might've been able to help him and I knew I couldn't do it alone. "  
  
Another long silence passed before the Headmaster spoke again. "You believe that Severus is the person that you have encountered in your dreams all these years?"  
  
Taking her seat once again, Narnia answered. "I'm inclined to think that, but I suppose only he can give me the true answer."  
  
Dumbledore thought for a moment. "When he wakes, he will, most assuredly, want the full account of what happened last night. I daresay his reaction will not be pleasant. He will guess Harry's involvement in all of this, which will not set too well with him, but I am guessing your part will come as a shock to him. I'm afraid you will need to rally all of your patience to work through this.  
  
"I wish I could enlighten you more, but the answers you both will need can only be found within the other. You will be more apt to provide those answers than will Severus, but again, be patient."  
  
A knock at the door was followed by Dumbledore's, "Come in."  
  
Professor McGonogall stepped in to the office with a smile on her face. "Albus, Severus is awake." 


	23. Christmas Morning

A/N: Thanks to all who have reviewed and have patiently awaited this chapter. Welcome to new reviewers. I hope this chapter isn't disappointing, but decent enough. :) Let me know what you think....whether you like it or not!:)  
  
Chapter 23  
  
"He's only just," McGonogall continued. Narnia noticed her smile was more of a concerned grimace. "He's asking for you, Albus."  
  
The witch's tidings left no room for comfort and turning back around to face her uncle, Narnia's heart began to thump wildly against the inner regions of her chest.  
  
"Well, then, let's not keep him waiting. Shall we?" Dumbledore stated, rising from his seat. His concluding question was a cue for their exit more so than a desire for confirmation.  
  
Narnia rose slowly allowing Professors Dumbledore and McGonogall to walk ahead of her. Once in the corridors, she was dimly aware of the two of them to her front. If they were engaging in any conversation, it was drowned out by the chaotic thoughts in her own mind.  
  
Severus had asked for her uncle, no one else. Though this pained her to a small degree, she was unsure if she could face him at this moment. She would be an open book to him and he would peruse freely, whether she consented or not. Plus, when he did wake, she expected a much different scene than the one Minerva had alluded to. She had calmed her nerves since her episode in the infirmary last night, but seeing him struggle to live might induce a reoccurrence of those events.  
  
The sight of the infirmary door violently jarred her from her mind's distractions and she stopped immediately, feet rooted to the floor. Her uncle held the door for McGonogall to pass, then waited for Narnia to follow in kind. When she did not step forward, Dumbledore reassuringly approached her, resting his hands upon her shoulders.  
  
"Though he may be unaware of its importance, I have no doubt that he will only gain from the strength that he sees in you."  
  
Meeting her uncle's eyes, Narnia nodded once and entered the hospital wing, arm in arm with her uncle.  
  
Drawn curtains shielded Madam Pomfrey's patient from view and as the Headmaster and Narnia approached the medi-witch and Transfiguration teacher, Narnia could hear ragged breathing from behind the screens. Without prompt, Poppy began to detail the situation at present in a subdued voice.  
  
"He still needs a good deal of rest. His dressings are changed frequently, but one has my concern. It's slower to heal than the others, partially because it's deeper. I'm keeping my eye on it. I'm afraid we'll have to keep constant watch on him, yet."  
  
The remainder of the gathered group pondered these implications silently, before Dumbledore broke the silence.  
  
"May I go in now, Poppy?" he asked and upon gaining permission, he disappeared behind the curtains.  
  
Since entering the infirmary, Narnia's attentions had not strayed from the direction where Severus lay, awake. Part of her wanted to cling to his bedside, stroking back his hair, speaking reassurances, while the practical side knew if she acted in such a manner he would hex her had he the strength. Realizing the need for more privacy than a pulled curtain could allow, the three witches put some distance between themselves and Severus' bedside. They stood in quiet thought, until Narnia spoke.  
  
"Poppy, I will stay with him tonight."  
  
"You must have your rest, too, child. I doubt you acquired any last night," Madam Pomfrey stated. "We will be fine here."  
  
"I do not wish to argue, but you will find that on this point, I am as stubborn as Professor Snape," Narnia stated, arms crossed.  
  
The two elderly witches exchanged glances and Poppy conceded.  
  
Once Dumbledore returned from speaking with Severus, Madam Pomfrey returned to her patient. Narnia's uncle met the gazes of both herself and Minerva, lingering on his niece a bit longer. Noticing the expectation in their eyes, he indicated that Severus was now resting.  
  
"I believe he will be fine, but our conversation drained him and now he needs his rest. Besides, it is time for lunch and we could all do with something to eat."  
  
What had been spoken of between them remained so. On the way to the Great Hall, neither Narnia or Minerva sought out the topic of their conversation in the infirmary. Once seated at the table, Narnia was slightly distracted by the chatter of students and other staff members around the table. Young Harry caught her eye and she was pleasantly surprised to see a bit of concern in his features. She nodded and flashed him a smile and watched as his face relaxed as he turned back to his friends.  
  
As the afternoon meal wore on, it became aware to Narnia that this day was that of Christmas Eve. In light of all that had happened, the holiday had been forgotten or at least moved to a lower place on her priority list. It wasn't looking as though it would be her happiest Christmas ever, but undeniably it would be her most memorable. She then remembered her promise to watch over Severus tonight and realizing she would be at his side come Christmas morning gave her a fleeting moment of delight.  
  
The afternoon wore away slowly, finding Narnia in her rooms at her usual spot next to the fireplace. She had been curled up in her chair, reading, but mostly drifting in and out of sleep. Each time she woke, she would return to her reading, only to drift off again moments later. The last time she opened her eyes, light had faded from the windows and the world outside was growing dark. She abruptly stood, her legs wobbling beneath her. She grabbed her robes and stifling a yawn, headed for the infirmary. The passageways were quiet, nothing but the steady thuds of her feet against the stone floors could be heard.  
  
The closer she came to the hospital wing and seeing Severus again, the more her emotions began to churn. Therefore, when she stepped through the screens surrounding his bed and found him sleeping, she began to settle her nerves. Poppy swept in occasionally to check on him and noticing Narnia's arrival, smiled and nodded. As she observed him from her bedside station, Narnia was encouraged to see a more restful expression on his face and his breathing had achieved a steady rhythm. She sat transfixed on his being when suddenly, he made a sound almost startling Narnia out of her chair. It was nothing more than a quick "hmm" but had been unexpected and she realized that he was simply in some state of dreaming. She chuckled quietly to herself, feeling a swell of encouragement in seeing him like this as compared to the sight she had witnessed the previous night. As time crept by, she eventually relaxed and drifted back off to sleep. Every so often, he would make the same abrupt sound as if dreaming and Narnia would jolt upright, waiting for her eyes to focus so she could visually assess that he was alright. The next time she was awakened, it was to the sound of Poppy's voice conversing with that of Severus'.  
  
Morning had arrived ,unknowingly to Narnia, and in the bed next to her chair, Severus Snape was awake and sitting up with the aid of some overly large pillows. Poppy had placed a plate of food in front of him and was strongly urging him to eat. Their eyes were currently locked in a power struggle, when Narnia stood nearby diverting their attentions.  
  
"Good morning dear," Poppy stated glancing at Narnia. Her tone was a little irritably, most likely from arguing with her patient.  
  
Narnia replied in kind, offering a faint smile and then turned anxiously to Severus, who was regarding her with an unreadable expression. He was not yet fully recovered, his eyes still drooping and exhaustion still physically evident, but he was far from where he had been.  
  
"Good morning, Severus," she stated, eyes locked on his. He continued to gaze at her wordlessly. Uncomfortable with his stare, she looked back at Madame Pomfrey who was beginning to voice her dislike with Severus' refusal to eat.  
  
"You must eat. It's an ordeal you've been through and you need to regain your strength, if you're to ever get out of that bed. Because, take my word for it, you won't be stepping a toe out of this ward until I consider you ready."  
  
Severus' only rebuttal came in the form of a growl and Poppy threw her hands up in frustration.  
  
"Perhaps you can get him to eat," she declared, turning to Narnia and in defeat, disappeared behind the curtains, leaving the two professors alone.  
  
Focusing her attentions back on Severus, she noticed him eyeing the food before him. Before he could smack it away, as he looked about ready to do, she picked it up and sat it on the bedside table.  
  
"She puts too much faith in me," she stated turning back to him, smiling. He glanced at her then focused his attentions on a spot ahead of him.  
  
They remained silent momentarily, Narnia scrambling with something to say. Remembering what day it was, she swallowed the knot in her throat long enough speak.  
  
"Oh, I almost forgot," she began in a less than cheery voice. Severus had directed his attention back to her as she continued. "Happy Christmas." Before he could unleash the sarcasm sitting on his tongue, she spoke again, quickly, eyes averted to the floor. "I have nothing to give and do feel a bit embarrassed to be empty-handed. I had almost forgotten the holiday altogether, actually."  
  
She looked back to him and he had resumed staring at the space ahead of him. The longer he remained silent, the more compelled she felt to speak. Knowing it would only irritate him to do so, she squashed the urge and held her tongue. She could actually give him something, something he apparently wanted right now more than anything, and that was to be alone.  
  
"Well, then, I'll just be off," she stated gently and unaware of her action until after she was committed to follow through, she had bent over him, placing one hand alongside his face, ignoring his flinch, kissing him tenderly on the forehead. She lingered only long enough to feel his hand clasp over hers as he snugly held her hand. She laid her cheek on his forehead, desperately controlling the tears that fought to come. The tenderness she found in this moment was shortlived. He released her hand at the sound of approaching footsteps and she placed another kiss on his cheek and whispered against his skin, "Eat."  
  
Stepping away from the bed, she picked up her robes and gave him one last glance as Madame Pomfrey had returned to check his plate. His expression as he watched her remained undetermined and Narnia slipped out of his view, only to hear Poppy launch into her early arguments as why he must eat. 


	24. Recovery

A/N: Wow, you guys are really too much. Thanks for reviewing. It means a great deal. If you didn't see it, I left a little note to all of you in the review section. Sorry you've had to wait. Hope you like it and please, please, I know I'm not the best writer in the world, not even close, so if you have any suggestions, please feel free to send them my way. Thanks so much.  
  
Once outside the infirmary, Narnia slowed her pace and stepped nearer to the wall in order to steady herself. She reached out a hand to place it on the cold stone, when she stopped in mid-air to observe that it was the very same one Severus' had held only moments ago. The warmth of his calloused, unsteady hand still lingered and she closed her eyes trying to etch its memory into her mind. The great amount of relief she began to feel due to his reaction escaped her in the form of a sigh, mingled with her own unexpected laughter. Quieting herself she dared a glance down the corridors to ensure that she had been undetected and finding it so, she stood straight again and went on her way.  
  
As her feet carried her along, she thought again of Severus' expression as he regarded her. She felt her face flush. Perhaps her mind's images were becoming distorted already, but in further contemplation he appeared to have been looking at her as if seeing her for the first time, as if she were some enigma to him. Narnia slowed her gait. Did he already know what brought her to that clearing nights before? If so, was he, contrary to what she had originally thought would be his reaction, embracing this.....this.....connection between them? She felt her reddened cheeks deepen more and the hope welling up inside her caused a slow grin to slide onto her face. What had passed between them in the infirmary was providing her with a new security in their relationship that all the recollections of Severus keeping her at arm's length just weeks before were all but shoved out of her mind completely.  
  
Rounding a corner, she noticed Potter heading in her direction. Both student and professor were aware of each other in the same moment, also realizing they had yet to speak to one another since the evening in her uncle's office.  
  
"Happy Christmas, Harry," Narnia said, smiling, as she stopped a few feet from the Gryffindor.  
  
"Happy Christmas, Professor," he replied. "Thanks for the Chocolate Frogs."  
  
"Oh, well, it's not much really, but you're quite welcome."  
  
They stood in silence for a moment, before Narnia spoke.  
  
"No Ron today?"  
  
"He's with Ginny."  
  
"I see. Well, then, perhaps if you'd care for some, I could keep you company for awhile?"  
  
Harry made his affirmations with a nod of his head and they began to walk together in the direction Narnia had just came from. Some moments passed before they spoke.  
  
"I'm not sure whether Professor Dumbledore mentioned this or not, but I wonder if I could ask a favor from you?"  
  
"Of course, Professor."  
  
"It pertains to what....happened...the other night." She looked over at Harry to gauge his reaction, only to see him stiffen slightly. He only looked down at the floor as they walked.  
  
"If we could keep my involvement just between the four of us, I would be very appreciative."  
  
Harry cast a sideways glance at his professor. "Of course. By the four of us, you mean, between me, you, Professor Dumbledore, and Sna.....Professor Snape?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Harry seemed somewhat relieved to have the topic out in the open. They walked along, again, quietly, before Harry chimed in.  
  
"So, then, you told him. Professor Snape, I mean. He knows everything."  
  
"Well, no, actually, not yet, but he will be told soon enough I suppose."  
  
Narnia noticed the slump in Harry's shoulders. "Well, he wasn't too thrilled about my dad saving his neck. I'm sure life will be grand once he's told," he stated in a low, defeated voice.  
  
"He just may surprise you, Harry. Who knows."  
  
Suddenly, standing before them, at the end of the corridor, was Remus Lupin.  
  
"Ah, I've found you at last," Lupin stated, approaching them with a warm expression. "Happy Christmas to you both," he stated as he clasped a hand on Harry's shoulder and then turned his attentions to Narnia.  
  
"And to you, Remus," Narnia stated.  
  
"Would you care to join me for a bite to eat?" he asked looking between Harry and Narnia. They conceded and made their way to the Great Hall.  
  
As they walked, Harry and Lupin exchanged their gratitude towards one another for their gifts, while Narnia walked silently beside them, allowing them a moment to catch up. Lupin brought Narnia out of her reverie, by directing a question at her, one which he had to repeat once he had her attention.  
  
"How have you been, Narnia?" he stated, his expression indicating some knowledge of what had occurred recently. "Fine, thank you. You have spoken to my uncle?"  
  
"Briefly," he stated, concern outlining his features.  
  
"Harry and I were just discussing what had happened," Narnia informed him, in order to signal that the topic could be freely discussed with Harry present. Lupin seemed to pick up on Narnia's go ahead.  
  
"How is Severus?" he asked. Narnia now had both of their attentions.  
  
"Much better. He's awake. Poppy was.... urging him to eat when I left and not having much success, I'm afraid."  
  
To Narnia's surprise, Remus chuckled, then replied, "Severus never did strike me as one to be fussed over. I'm sure he's loving this."  
  
The three of them shared an amused smile at Lupin's comment and entered the Great Hall, turning the conversation onto lighter topics.  
  
Christmas had come and gone and in the last several days since it's passing, Narnia had been disappointed in the lack of opportunities to speak with Severus. Her courage to speak to him on the matters surrounding his rescue had increased, mainly due to her growing belief that he somehow already knew and seemed okay with it. She had been in to visit him in the infirmary, several times Christmas day, only to find him resting. Then, later that evening, he had requested to spend the remainder of the holidays in his own quarters and unwilling to breach his privacy, Narnia refrained from calling on him, settling for tidbits of information from Poppy or the Headmaster. From what she had been told, Severus had recovered almost entirely and most likely would return to teaching along with everyone else.  
  
Narnia was spending a quiet evening in the confines of her room when a knock came at her door. She had been in mid-sentence in a letter she was writing to her grandmother when she absentmindedly laid down the quill and went to her door. She was delighted to see her uncle on the other side and ushered him to a place by the fire.  
  
"My dear, I can only stay for a moment," he stated, declining the offered chair. Narnia made her way back across the rooms, towards her uncle. "I'm on my way to speak with Severus and wanted to make you aware of my plans to do so.  
  
"As anyone who knows him well would expect, he is quite curious about the circumstances surrounding the other evening and I find it is time for him to be informed."  
  
Narnia's nerves began to excite themselves.  
  
"My telling of the events will, undoubtedly, stop at a certain point, leaving some gaps to be filled in by you, if you so wish to do so. I am positive he suspects Harry's doing, but am equally sure he will be surprised to hear of your involvement.  
  
"It is entirely up to you to decide when and what to tell him. If you have no objections, you are most welcome to come with me now and though you alone must tell of your part, I will stay with you through it."  
  
Narnia had thought herself ready to tell him, everything, but suddenly facing it found her doubtful. Her confidence wavered at her uncle's firm belief Severus' was unaware of her participation in the matter. Her role in the story was central and couldn't be avoided. He would have to be told and perhaps better it be all in one shot than allowing it to dwindle. Her uncle would be there for support, something she would definitely be in need of.  
  
"It is not my intent to pressure you. I only wished to make you aware of my actions so that in the event that Severus comes to you, you will be ready."  
  
"I believe I must do this now, Uncle, not only for Severus' sake, but for my own. I've waited so long."  
  
With her resolve in place, she stepped into the corridor, with Dumbledore close behind. They quietly made their way to the dungeons, Narnia's arm wrapped around her uncle's, her thoughts around the situation looming nearby. Dumbledore patted her hand along the way, offering some bit of comfort. Finally, they stopped in front of a doorway, Narnia supposing it to be Severus' chambers. Her uncle knocked and when the door swung open, Narnia's heart swelled upon seeing its inhabitant. 


	25. Time and Perseverance

Her feet had carried her here, her mind in no condition to reason anything. Her every breath rose in front of her, but she did not heed it. Her pulse was racing, she knew, from the heavy thuds of her heart beating in her ears. She stood motionless, her eyes fixed but unfocused on the blanket of white surrounding her. The only warmth came from the tears that streamed down her face.  
  
At some unknown point in time, she had wrapped her arms about her waist. She was cold standing out on the grounds of Hogwarts, but hopefully the freezing would soon subside and she would be numb.......numb enough to not feel the pain.  
  
Crunching footsteps from behind her coupled with the calling of her name invaded her struggle for serenity. She was rooted to the spot and did not move, allowing the intruder to come to her.  
  
"Narnia, I......," Remus Lupin trailed off upon approaching her. He quickly unfastened his cloak and threw it around her shoulders, wrapping her snug inside of it. The sudden warmth wracked Narnia's body and she shivered almost losing her footing. She didn't look up to Lupin's concerned face, but silently obeyed as he placed an arm around her shoulders, steering her back towards the castle. If he spoke, Narnia was unaware of it.  
  
They had almost reached the school when Narnia's legs gave way beneath her, sending her to the ground. When she next opened her eyes, she was lying in her bed under several blankets. Shifting her eyes, she could see the backs of her uncle and Lupin chatting by the hearth. They were at a distance to not realize she had woken. Her vision blurred again as the events of earlier pounded their way to the forefront of her mind...............  
  
Severus had seemed most intrigued by Narnia's accompanying her Uncle. She guessed that under any other circumstance, the retelling of the incident would have taken place solely between him and her uncle. Her presence at his door signaled her involvement and already she had been guessing at just how much he knew.  
  
Something had changed between the two of them, it was apparent. Narnia felt her face redden when Severus glanced at her, his expression softer than she had yet been witness to. For his part, he was showing subtle signs of politeness, offering her a chair closest to the fire, along with tea and biscuits. Narnia's nerves had subsided somewhat and seeing him in better health and spirits settled her.  
  
Small talk was kept to a minimum and the reason for their visit to the Potions Master were soon embarked upon. Dumbledore related the events, up until Narnia's involvement, without any interruption from Severus. This was also the first time Narnia was hearing some of the details and she listened intently only placing attention on Severus when he would occasionally rise from his chair to pace about the room.  
  
A long pause had hung over the room while Severus pondered Dumbledore's retelling.  
  
"Potter's.....dream.....was vague, if indeed you have related its entirity," Severus commented while staring at the burning logs in front of him.  
  
"I have and must add......the story doesn't stop with young Harry," Dumbledore replied glancing to his niece. Severus followed his gaze and narrowed his eyes somewhat suspiciously at his colleague. Narnia maintained eye contact with her uncle amidst the silence and finally turned her gaze to meet that of Severus'.  
  
Without turning from him, she spoke to Dumbledore.  
  
"Uncle, I believe I must do this alone."  
  
The mistrustful gleam in Severus' eyes intensified, but the Headmaster rose slowly and patted Narnia on the shoulder.  
  
"Very well, child. Severus.......do try to keep an open mind," he offered and left the two professors alone.  
  
Narnia had stood, making her own pattern about the room, while slowly and awkwardly relating the details of that night. She had decided it best to not start from the absolute beginning, for fear of overwhelming him, but only related how she had first come to have the dream of the clearing over the summer, before arriving at Hogwarts. He sat quietly while she talked and paced, telling all that had occurred from that point up until the present. When she had finished, he said nothing. She reclaimed her seat while he vacated his for a place across the room from her. The longer he remained silent, the more she grew anxious. She noticed his hands ball into fists at his sides and then he gripped hard onto the desk in front of him. She rose from her place to go to him, but stopped midway when she heard him begin to laugh.  
  
"Severus.....," she had began, but never finished. When he whipped around to face her, she swallowed hard at the look of disgust and loathing on his face. He remained across the room from her, breaking into his verbal onslaught. She faintly heard his words, with bare recollections of them even now, but she had felt her heart break as he brought her to tears. The more that streamed down her face, the colder his words became. He worked himself up to the point where he clasped a hand to his side, where Narnia knew he had been wounded. She noticed him wince and stepped towards him wanting to help. He growled threateningly and through gritted teeth ordered, "Get out." She remembered him yelling them, repeatedly, like a madman as she ran from the room. All she could remember after that was running and then stopping and being cold.  
  
She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and tried to control the flood of emotions raging within her. Her willpower quickly gave out and she began to sob and heave, quickly gaining the attentions of the two wizards near the fire. She felt the bed sink down and two arms wrapped around her, cradling her and rocking her as she wept.  
  
After wearing herself out, she slowly breathed in and out, realizing that Lupin had been the one to hold her as she cried. She felt him move slightly and then his hand appeared before her face, offering her a piece of chocolate. She raised an unsteady hand to take it and as it melted across her tongue, she began to feel a little warmth somewhere inside of her.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered.  
  
"Of course," he replied stroking her hair with one hand, while continuing to hold her with his other arm.  
  
They sat quietly for a moment before Narnia spoke.  
  
"How awful for you to see me like this, Remus. I'm sorry."  
  
"Well, perhaps you can come to one of my transformations, then we'll call it even."  
  
"I look that bad?" Narnia replied.  
  
Lupin chuckled, "That charming humor of yours remains intact, I see."  
  
Narnia sat up, shifting some pillows behind her for support. Looking around the room, she noticed her uncle had gone.  
  
"Where's the Headmaster?" she asked.  
  
"He needed a breath of fresh air, I believe."  
  
"Oh."  
  
In the quiet, Narnia could almost hear Lupin struggling with what to say.  
  
"Narnia......I won't pretend to understand what you're going through right now. Suffice it to say I've had my share of heartbreaks......I doubt I've felt it as acutely as what you are right now, but time and perseverance will see it all sorted out. How cliche of me, I realize, but don't let him destroy you. He will endeavor to do it, just to save himself."  
  
She took a moment to let his words sink in, before replying. "I think I'd like to be alone now, please."  
  
Lupin stood and quietly began to leave.  
  
"Remus....thank you." He nodded and left.  
  
Sitting alone with her thoughts, she allowed herself to relive the entire episode. Her tears had long since ran out, but she continued to weep, her eyes sore and her body exhausted. She pulled the blankets up over her shoulders an 


	26. stepping out

A/N: I realized after uploading the last chapter there was still a great deal more to say surrounding Severus' dismissal of Narnia. I was so immersed in trying to describe what she was going through that I didn't get back away far enough to see the whole picture. All is not lost, though and hopefully I can weave some of it through this chapter when she talks with her uncle. Isn't that the way it always works though? Nothing is clarified till we have a nice sit down with the Headmaster.   
  
Chapter 26  
  
Taking refuge within the confines of her room, Narnia had spent the past day and night holding her last crying session. Never, in her recollection, had she been this emotional and somewhere over the past hours she had decided to place her feet on the ground and test exactly how firm her footing was. As Lupin had said, healing would take time and she had decided it the right moment to begin the process. Students would be returning in a couple of days and there was no place for a snivelling, lovesick Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor.   
  
Since locking herself away in her chambers, she had several visitors, mostly Lupin checking in on her and offering how pleased he was to see her in better spirits. She had supposed her uncle had ordered the house elves to bring her meals to her rooms, but mostly the food was wasted on her as she picked through without much appetite. She had acknowledged to Lupin the eventual need to return to the Great Hall at meal times and she had been strengthening her resolve to follow through with his suggestion of returning before the whole school was back.   
  
Though it had been her decision to cease the weeping bit, recollections of exactly what Severus had said to her would leave tears running. She hadn't realized she had retained a good deal of what he had said and as his words rang in her ears, she noticed that one theme encompassed them all.   
  
He wanted nothing to do with her. He mistrusted her.   
  
She had predicted his suspicious attitude towards her. There was so much surrounding the happenings of that night that she was still unsure of. He had been justified in his doubts, but what came as a shock was when he had declared her story a fabrication, a scheme, one in which she was purposefully trying to ensnare him. She had been fine that day in his quarters until the moment he had stated that, to him, she had only ever been a possible romp in the sheets and that when she had proven to be more effort than what she was worth, he had given up the quest. He claimed that the lie she was currently weaving was only a means to manipulate him. He had added something along the lines of it being worthy of Trelawney.  
  
This last memory had been the stimulus of her last breakdown and since its remembrance, it remained in a shadowy corner of her mind, always lurking close by. On this afternoon, she stood at the window, thinking on it again, when her uncle's voice interrupted her thoughts. She turned to see him poking his head inside her doorway.  
  
"I knocked and when there was no answer...." he trailed off.   
  
"Sorry, uncle, please come in," Narnia replied, noticing a bit of discomfort in Dumbledore's countenance. The Headmaster approached her, kissing her gently on the cheek and after leading her to a chair, took the one opposite her own.   
  
"How are you feeling today?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"Much better, thank you." The crackling of the logs in the hearth could only be heard.  
  
"The house elves have been most helpful," Narnia offered.   
  
Dumbledore chuckled. "Dobby is most anxious to please. I'm sure he's been grateful to be at your service."  
  
Narnia smiled in return before her expression turned somber again. "I am sorry for the inconvenience I've placed on everyone. It's been very selfish of me to do so."  
  
Dumbledore slid forward in his chair, pinning Narnia with his gaze. "It has been an inconvenience to no one, other than yourself. You have acted as only one in love knows how to act when these things occur. Most of us within these walls have sat in the seat you're currently in. No one has any intention of letting you tackle this on your own."  
  
Narnia reached forward her hand and squeezed that of her uncle's. She whispered, "Thank you," fighting the urge to break down again.  
  
Both Narnia and her uncle settled back into their chairs again, listening intently to the snapping sounds coming from the fire.   
  
"I should have remained with you and perhaps some of this could have been avoided," Dumbledore commented staring into the flames. "Severus seemed to be accepting your presence in a way I had yet to see from him and I felt secure leaving the two of you to talk things through.  
  
"Merlin help that boy," he added as an afterthought.  
  
"Uncle, none of this is your doing. Besides, he would have only held back with you in the room." Narnia paused. "It's better to have it all out than to be given any false hopes.  
  
"Yes, well, I'm not sure how much credit I would have been anyway since he believes that you have 'pulled the wool over my eyes' with this," Dumbledore replied.  
  
Narnia looked to her uncle. "You've spoken with him."  
  
"Briefly."  
  
Narnia kept silent, hoping her uncle would relate some of their conversation.  
  
Dumbledore sighed. "Though I am severely frustrated with him right now, I hurt for both of you. It is safe to say he is feeling quite vulnerable at the present, especially after the occurence among the Death Eaters the other night. Rightly so.  
  
"Severus has put himself in harm's way for a longer amount of time than any of us would have liked and he's been successful at remaining unscathed, of course, until recently. As to how he managed to be 'found out', we cannot determine, but his level of paranoia has skyrocketed.   
  
"So my only conclusion is that his treatment of you is a knee-jerk reaction. He didn't say as much, but I'm sure he suspects you've formulated some plan against him." Narnia silently agreed, knowing Severus had plainly stated it to her. "Knowing his likelihood to do so, you will more than likely be under the most intense scrutiny from him now that he is aware of your involvement the other night. His moods have always been difficult to deal with, but I'm afraid now that each and every one of us will have to adjust to a greater degree."  
  
Dumbledore stood and walked to the window, placing himself where Narnia had been earlier. "It is difficult to stand by and watch as he pushes away something that could bring so much enjoyment to his life and equally hard to watch you being pushed."  
  
Narnia dropped her eyes to the floor. She heard her uncle approach the back of her chair and then felt his hand gently squeeze her shoulder.  
  
"Though this has all turned out quite unexpected, the important thing is he's home.....alive," Narnia stated, a shakiness apparent in her voice and her eyes welled up yet again. Dumbledore's grip grew a little firmer as Narnia raised her hands to wipe her eyes.  
  
"Hmm. Agreed."  
  
After a couple of moments, Narnia had regained her composure and Dumbledore settled himself across from her once again.   
  
"When you are ready to do so, I would be honored to accompany you to a meal or simply for a stroll about the castle. I must say, it seems as though you've regained your strength, at least enough to keep up with this old man," Dumbledore stated with a grin.  
  
"Perhaps this evening," Narnia stated, feeling nervous at the thought of facing everyone, especially Severus.  
  
"If you think you will be up to it, my dear," he replied, somewhat uncertain.  
  
"I believe I must make the first attempt while my audience is small."  
  
"That would be wise," he stated, seeming impressed by her attitude.  
  
The Headmaster remained in Narnia's company for another hour talking and getting her to laugh about lighter topics, humoring her again with stories from his younger days and the torment he and his siblings would put each other through. Narnia had retrieved several of Gran's recent letters, allowing her uncle to peruse them freely and their conversation ended with talk of old Christmas family traditions and promises of dinner and an evening walk.  
  
"I'll see you in a bit then," Dumbledore stated and upon receiving Narnia's acknowledgement, shut the door behind him, leaving Narnia alone for the first time in a couple of hours. She stood there, taking a deep breath, deciding to soak in a bath before leaving her room.   
  
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Narnia stood in front of her mirror turning her head from side to side to glance at her reflection while running her hands across her gown to smooth some of the creases. She opted for her long-sleeved platinum silk gown, the neckline resting just below her collarbone. She retrieved the pearls Gran had gifted to her for Christmas and placed them about her neck. Despite a slight paleness to her complexion and a tinge of redness coupled with slight circles about her eyes, her appearance was confident and strong. She wished to make no grand entrances, her only wish to state she would be fine and would conquer this. She appreciated her uncle's relating to her that the other professors were supportive, however, she hoped they wouldn't fuss over her from some assumption that she was weak.   
  
A rap on the door signaled the moment had arrived.  
  
Dumbledore stood on the other side waiting to escort his niece to the evening meal.  
  
They walked in silence down a few corridors before he spoke. Narnia was glad for the break in the silence and she could now focus on something other than the rapid beating of her pulse.  
  
"You look lovely this evening, Narnia."  
  
She offered a smile as a token of her gratitude.  
  
"Since taking leave of the infirmary, Professor Snape has continued to take meals in his quarters. I do not believe we'll be seeing him tonight."  
  
"Oh," Narnia replied, releasing a sigh and allowing her shoulders to relax. Dumbledore simply patted her hand as they walked arm in arm into the Great Hall.  
  
The tables and Hall were decorated and arranged as they had been prior to Christmas and the giant Christmas trees did a great deal to improve Narnia's mood. Most of the chairs had been occupied, with few left vacant. Dumbledore seated his niece and then took his own place at the table, all at once, food appearing from nowhere. As predicted, Severus was absent from the group and for the first time since being at Hogwarts, Narnia was glad to be free of his presence. Dinner proceeded as if nothing had occured, putting Narnia at an even greater ease, and the only hint that something had actually taken place came only from subtle reassuring smiles and winks from the other staff members. Though still far from regaining her appetite entirely, Narnia ate more than she had of late and at the conclusion of the meal, deemed herself ready to sleep the entire night through.   
  
Each member of the dinner party left one by one or in small clusters, the students clearly still talking over their Christmas wares. As if second nature, Narnia rose when her uncle stood and he stated to Professor McGonogall that he and his niece were headed out for a brief walk around Hogwarts. Minerva bid them good evening and they set off down a set of passageways Narnia took rarely.   
  
After walking a ways and being introduced to several occupants of portraits and paintings, Dumbledore slowed down and stopped, tilting his head as if listening for something. He must have noticed Narnia preparing to speak, but raised his hand to ask for her silence and soon after, the sound of footsteps could be heard. Narnia could feel the sweat began to wet her palms. She didn't know how far they were from the dungeons, but bumping into Severus right now was the last thing she wanted to handle.   
  
"Relax, child. I believe those foot falls belong to Remus."  
  
"He's here a lot, not that I mind," she added,"He's a great friend. I just seemed to be bumping into him a bit more than I expected, is all."  
  
"Well, he's been quite concerned about you. He knows, firsthand, how Professor Snape can be. Plus, I think he's come to think quite highly of you." Narnia blushed at Dumbledore's admission and even though the corridor was dark, she was sure her uncle knew her face had flushed. "He's been staying in Hogsmeade, over Christmas. I believe he's been wanting to be close to Harry through the holidays."  
  
"Of course."  
  
The footsteps drew nearer and sure enough, turning a corner was Remus Lupin.   
  
"Professors, good evening." As Lupin approached he firmly squeezed Narnia's hand then released it, smiling, apparently happy to see them both.  
  
"I was just acquainting Narnia with some more of the castle when we heard you coming this way."  
  
"Yes, well, I have just left Harry and Ron and was taking a bit of a look around myself."  
  
"Reminiscing on old school days?" Narnia asked, grinning when she recalled some of what Lupin had told her of his time at Hogwarts.  
  
"Yes. Good times," he stated with a slight laugh, a sadness in his tone as he looked around the corridor.  
  
He then changed the subject, from an apparent need to do so. "It's nice to see you out and about, Narnia."  
  
"Well, I have a great many people to thank for getting me out of my room. One of which, is you."  
  
Lupin smiled at her statement. "Anytime. I hate to be short, but I must be off. I was just taking my leave."  
  
"Anytime that you would like to spend some time with Harry, Remus, we will arrange it," Dumbledore said.  
  
"I appreciate that Headmaster and will take you up on the offer." He then turned to Narnia, placing his index finger under her chin. "Chin up."  
  
Narnia nodded in agreement and he walked passed them and out of sight.  
  
Instinctively, they continued their walk and to Narnia's liking, without any more interruptions. Every now and then she thought she could hear footsteps approaching, but as her uncle only pressed on, she figured it was only a remaining echo in her ears from earlier. Eventually they found themselves outside her rooms and she leaned in to place a kiss on her uncle's cheek. He wished her good night and she watched as he left the corridor. She turned to enter her rooms when a sound at the opposite end of the hall caught her attention. She turned her head only in time to see the rapid movement of what she could only guess was the hem of someone's robes rounding the corner, gone from sight. She quickly stepped inside, sealing the entry way with several spells before getting into bed, wand in hand. 


	27. The Diary of Narnia Fairling

A/N: Again, sorry for the long time in between updates. My life has been rather hectic and the writing of this story has taken the blow. Sorry you had to wait so long and hope it was worth it. Thanks to everyone reading and reviewing. It means so much!

As the Christmas holidays drew to a close, Narnia's mind set grew strong and determined, though difficult, at times, she began to piece back together her shattered emotions. Her voice of reason reminded her something of this nature was bound to happen if she made herself vulnerable to Severus. "What's done is done," she'd tell herself, temporarily quieting the voice in her head, and over time she was able to distance the ordeal from her thoughts. However, not only were her own thoughts and feelings difficult to conquer, but the sensation of being watched and knowing the culprit was highly unsettling. After her first encounter with him since he had so harshly dismissed her that day in his quarters, she knew her suspicions of just who had been following her had not been misplaced.

The last evening prior to the students' return, Narnia left early for dinner, by now used to Severus absence at meals and nervous as to when he would make his appearance. She was sitting at the table talking to Professor Sprout when a swish and flurry of robes beside her took her notice. She knew immediately that Severus had seated himself next to her and she paused only a moment before continuing her conversation with the Herbology teacher. Once the meal was underway, Narnia was lifting a bite of food to her mouth when she stopped halfway.

"Be careful you step, Professor," Snape warned, his voice dangerously low and only audible to her. She remained staring at her fork.

"Bon appetit," Snape added with a sarcastic note, as if to throw suspicion at the quality of her food, and then proceeded to take a mouthful from his own plate.

Threats generally produced the same result with Narnia and though her heart ached for the man along side her, she still grew angry. Her nervousness and anxiety from before melted away and she downed every morsel of food on her plate in a show of spite and to punctuate what she thought of Severus' threat, she heaped a second helping onto her plate and dove in. In order to prove her stance, she had filled her stomach to the point of popping and the walk back to her rooms that evening helped to work off the uneasiness along with some of the steam that had built up as a result of Severus' threatening her.

Though exhausted upon returning to her rooms, she couldn't shake off how furious he had made her and she took to pacing in front of the hearth. She knew Severus and though a powerful wizard not to be crossed, she didn't fear him and was confident he would never bring harm to her. Sighing and grabbing a lock of her hair to twist between her fingers, she knew what she must do. There was no offensive strategy for this. She would simply have to endure this from him and hope that it wouldn't last for the remainder of her time at Hogwarts.

Currently, she didn't see herself staying on at the end of the school year and truth be told, she had already packed her things several days ago, only to then unpack, giving herself the many reasons she couldn't walk away. "But," she reminded herself, when thinking of whether to stay on another year, "it's too early yet for decisions of those kind." She didn't want to shirk her duties to the Order and would not. Too much was at stake, but others were fighting against Voldemort and not carrying teaching positions at Hogwarts. Perhaps that was an option for her. Again, it was still too early to judge.

Once the holiday concluded, Narnia missed bumping into Remus. His friendship had come to mean a great deal to her and helped her to overcome the situation with Severus. She knew her uncle had not informed Remus of all the details surrounding Severus' rescue, but despite his promise to not say anything, she suspected Potter had clued him in, leaving Remus with a pretty good guess at what had transpired between Narnia and Snape. She had expected to see Remus at Order meetings, but even those were few and far between right now, with only a few members meeting at a time and leaving Narnia to be filled in later. It appeared that both sides of the fight were laying low, but Narnia had a sneaking suspicion she wasn't receiving all the details. She brushed this off, however, knowing her uncle would tell her what he felt was important for her to know and she respected his judgement on the matter.

With the return of students and the jumping into the second half of the year, Narnia's distractions were back to their rightful place and at times when she allowed herself to think over the past few months, she felt guilty for allowing her priorities to realign themselves. However, with all that seemingly behind her, or at least off to the side somewhere, she could invest her energies into her lessons. Looking back on her teaching style, she had to admit that when she first announced to her upper year classes that they would have a turn instructing the class, she was nervous at what the result would be. In all truth, each house and class had a unique style, which proved in itself to be a learning experience for Narnia and if ever there could be a chance of doing so, it might prove beneficial for one house to teach another and vice versa. Her tendencies swayed toward Gryffindor, but she treasured the opportunity to see the unique qualities of the other three houses. Slytherin proved the most difficult to work with and even though she had hoped to be further along with them at this point, she had accomplished a good deal with them. Her difficulty with them stemmed simply from unwillingness to cooperate, but after studying their behaviors, she adopted a few and set to work at gaining some form of trust from them. Most importantly, she had to dismiss her stereotypes and found it to be liberating. She also had to be on her guard, though, monitoring closely how they were relating information to their classmates. Some of them were sons and daughter of Death Eaters, including one Draco Malfoy, and without her careful scrutiny the class could turn into simply the teaching of Dark Arts, rather than the defense of.

January flew by at the castle and its inhabitants were forced inside most days by blustery winter conditions. Never had Narnia seen so much snow and at first, it felt as though she was living in a wonderland, but quickly it became monotonous and she longed for sunny spring days. Apparently, some of the other staff were experiencing the winter blahs as well, and a little staff gathering was planned for the second weekend in February, coincidentally, Friday being Valentine's Day. Narnia had never given much attention to the holiday, never truly having someone to share it with, but neither did she get depressed when she didn't. It was simply another day. This time around, she was looking forward to it, however. There had not been a great deal of time spent with her colleagues outside of professional obligations and she was looking forward to spending an evening with them. She could only guess at Severus' attitude on the event, but wondered if he would show. It had been some time since the two of them had been in each other's presence for an elongated period, in a relaxed atmosphere, at that, and the forthcoming festivities would prove to be a test on Narnia's nerves.

The evening came at long last and Narnia found herself in the midst of her colleagues in the staff room which had been decorated, presumably by her uncle, in shades of pink and red that Professor McGonogall had commented on. "Dear me, Albus. I daresay Gilderoy had a damaging effect on you." Everyone chuckled at this and the dark brooding figure in the corner snorted in disgust. Narnia had spotted Severus immediately upon walking into the room, his black dress and dark features such a vivid contrast to the decor of the room. From his demeanor, she could only guess he was there simply at her uncle's request and would stay no longer than necessary. Though he was stationed across the room, speaking with Professor Vector, the space felt confined, stuffy, and tense. She had joined Professors McGonogall, Sprout, and Flitwick for a game of cards, turning her back to Severus, but she could feel his eyes boring into the back of her. After some punch and a few games of Spades, the door to the staff room opened and to Narnia's great surprise, Remus Lupin walked in. She immediately jumped up, excited to see her friend and went to give him a hug.

"It's nice to see you, stranger," Narnia stated.

"If I continue to get this reception, I may stay away longer next time," he replied, chortling and then stating softly next to her ear, almost breathless, "You look... ravishing."

She had donned her burgundy velvet dress for the occasion, skipping her robes, and after slipping into it early that evening, she twirled around the room, then giggled, enjoying how attractive the gown made her feel. After releasing Remus, she stepped back, blushing, realizing for the first time that the room's attention had been on them, including Severus'. She looked to where he was, making eye contact, but then looked away, unable to determine his expression. "Perhaps a handshake would have been better," she thought. Remus led Narnia back to her seat and then began chatting with the other professors. He had been by to see Harry and wanted to drop in on the party. As the evening progressed, Narnia had been enjoying herself so much, that she had failed to notice when Severus had left. She had not inquired after his departure, but scanned the room for his person, as though he was hiding, when Professor McGonogall grabbed her attention.

"Severus is on patrol tonight," she stated and then sighed, pursing her lips. "He finds an immense deal of pleasure haunting the hallways deducting house points and handing out detentions to star-crossed lovers."

Narnia pictured him coming across a snogging couple in a dark passageway and laughed gently, a small grin lighting her face.

"Poor kids," she replied.

"Yes, however, it proves effective in getting around all this nonsense. I must say, though it normal for children to go through these stages, and I experienced my fair share, it has been a most trying two weeks trying to teach while everyone's hormones are spiraling out of control," Minerva added.

"Agreed, and I suppose the next two will be spent cleaning up the heart breaks and aches," Narnia stated in turn, half-joking, but deeply understanding the hurt in such a thing.

"Too right you are, Narnia."

As the evening ended and the crowd gathered dwindled in number, Narnia decided to retreat to her rooms, as well, for the evening. She took the trip back to her rooms alone and rounding the last corridor on her walk, she stopped suddenly, hearing a familiar voice ahead and decided to go in for a closer look as the students and Professor Snape were in between her current location and her desired one. She stopped a few feet away, Severus aware of her presence, but the students oblivious. From the look on their faces, they were terrified and that, mixed with the punishment being given, proved that they must have been happened upon in a most compromising position.

"In addition to the loss of your house points, a week's detention, each, will be served. Miss Robison you will report to Professor Fairling on Monday evening and Mr......." Severus' voice faded off as Narnia thought to herself, "I suppose that is his way of giving me a detention." She shook her head in irritation and returned her attention to the situation at hand, as the students scrambled away, apparently dismissed by Severus. He turned quickly on his heel, facing Narnia.

"I presume you can handle Miss Robison's detention. If not.."

Narnia raised a hand to interrupt. "I believe I'll manage, Professor." Before he could walk away and leave her standing, she stepped from the shadows and retired to her chambers.

* * *

January and most of February settled into a routine for Narnia and as this occurred, she began feeling at home again within the confines of the castle and despite the nature of her relationship with Professor Snape, she had regrettably grown accustomed to it. Since the night she and her uncle arrived in that clearing to save Severus, she had not dreamt of him again, and she wondered if he had found a way to break the link between them or if it was simply because he now remained within the safety of the castle, out of harm's way. Still, she had many unanswered questions and this mystery that had baffled her for so many years had become such a part of her, that now, knowing she may never get the answers she needed, she wondered if she would ever feel whole again. At this point, she simply desired some sort of cooperation from him on solving this conundrum between them, nothing more. If she approached him, she ran the risk of pushing him even further away, to where he may never assist her, but she wasn't sure that if she left things as is, he would ever agree to help her sort through this anyway.

February was drawing to a close and the last day of the month found Narnia sitting at her desk, grading parchments. Taking a break, she let her thoughts drift to, what was lately becoming, a familiar place: how to approach Severus. She had thought more on it over last two days, mainly due to a change in his behavior and thought it might be the best time to breach the subject. Leaning back in her chair, she pondered his conduct as of late. Truthfully, she had been somewhat surprised at first and then suspicious, curious as to whether his shift of moods was only to throw her off balance. The changes were subtle and in no means was Narnia filled with a hope that the status of their relationship had changed. He remained sour and biting. However, when passing her in the corridors, his usual glare was absent and he rarely met her eyes, but looked on, as if focusing on something in the distance. At meals, the tension that was so exhausting between them, seem lifted to a degree and at times, when arriving for the morning meal, he would occasionally send an acknowledging nod in her direction. "Good morning Headmaster, Professors." The first two mornings she offered no reply, but this morning, she gently stated, "Good morning, Severus," and continued on with her meal in silence. Lastly, on the second evening, she noticed him lightly tapping his forefinger on the table, almost like a nervous tic. She had not noticed that before, but maybe he had done it all along and it had escaped her attention.

Leaning forward again and resting her elbows on the desk with her chin in her hands, she resigned herself to speaking with him while the time seemed most advantageous to her. Glancing down at the ungraded parchments, she mentally placed them at number two on the priorities list and stood up, left her office, and headed for the dungeons. Though she had trod this path before, she felt stronger this time around. After all, she had nothing left to lose. He was not likely to assist her in answering her questions and yes, what she was about to do could inevitably push him further away, but she had to try. At present, it was her only option. She didn't take the deep calming breath or give herself a second to gain composure. She knocked on his office door as soon as she approached it and hearing the all-too-familiar "Enter" she opened the door and stepped inside.

When Narnia stepped into Severus' office, he was seated by the fire, apparently engrossed in a book or some reading material. Due to her standpoint, she couldn't see exactly what held his attention so strictly, but when he looked up to determine his visitor, a look of surprise passed quickly over his features, and he quickly secured the text secretively into the sleeve of his robes before standing. He was acting quite strange indeed and Narnia quickly glanced to where the book was now stored, curious as to what he so desperately wanted to hide.

"Professor Fairling, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Severus sarcastically implored.

Narnia raised her eyes to his and he held her gaze only for a moment, before looking away. "Hmmm, where to start," Narnia thought.

"Professor...Severus, I'll be forthright."

"Please do," he hissed. He seemed a bit on edge, almost nervous.

Taking a conversational detour, she approached him as if to inspect and stated, "You've not been yourself as of late."

He stepped away from her and approached his desk, shuffled through some parchments and gave his reply. "I fail to see where it is any of your concern and if that is all?" He sharply looked up at her.

Unable to place what it was exactly, she knew she had some advantage at present. He was too keen on getting rid of her and she was going to press it as far as she could.

"No, that is not all, actually." Severus sighed and seated himself behind his desk and in turn, Narnia placed a chair opposite him and sat down, arms crossed.

They eyed each other before Severus looked away, again, and began drumming his fingers on the desk top.

"I am not here for any other reason than simply to gain some answers or at least to find the path to them and you," she emphasized by leaning forward," are the only one that can help me. I know you, Severus, and I cannot and will not believe that you do not want to figure this...."

At this, Snape abruptly stood, placing both hands on his desk and leaning forward he held a murderous look on his face. "I am afraid you do not know me as well as you say. If you, in fact did, you would know what happens to those who incur my anger," he stated through clenched teeth as he slid around the desk towards Narnia, who remained seated, gritting her own teeth. "You are treading a dangerous path with me, Professor. Niece of the Headmaster or not."

Narnia stood, placing herself only several inches away from the Potions Master. "Well, since we are getting to know each other so well, Professor," she spat the last word, "you will quickly find that I do not, under any circumstances, endure threats and that is the last I will take from you." She had lifted her hand to point at him and reacting to her sudden movement, he harshly grabbed her wrist. The book that he had placed in the sleeve of his robes dropped to the ground and after a moment, Snape dropped her wrist and instinctively Narnia pulled her hand to her chest and began to massage away the pain. Both were breathing heavily and when Severus made no move to pick up the book, Narnia bent down to grab it and her heart stopped when she realized his choice of reading material.

She remained crouched down for a moment running her fingers over her dream diary, thoughts flooding her mind as to why Severus had this and how he had procured it. She rose to her feet, feeling wobbly, and looked to where he now stood looking into the fire with one hand on the mantle. Wordlessly, she walked over and sat down in one of the chairs by the hearth and stared numbly at the same flames that seemed to be entrancing Severus as well. The diary sat in her lap and she cast glances at it, as if it would provide her with something to say.

Severus turned his head towards her and though she knew he was watching her, she said nothing and looked down.

"Is this..."she stumbled on the words, laying a hand on the book, "...are these....of you?" Narnia looked up at last, only to find he was transfixed with the fire again.

"I believe so," he stated in a low, husky voice, one that surprised her. A crossroads was quickly approaching and Narnia became nervous at the prospect.

There it was. The silence again, interrupted by the crackling of the logs.

She had anticipated answering these questions for so long and now, she seemed to choke on every inquiry she ever had.

"Severus...."

He interrupted her. "This, this..." he waved his hand impatiently, "has left me rather exhausted and I request to be left alone at present."

Quietly, Narnia stood and made to leave before halting. Without a word, she turned and walked back to the fireplace, stepping up next to Severus, who eyed her warily. She placed her diary on the mantle and he shifted his gaze from her to the book. She reached out and grabbed his hand for a gentle reassuring squeeze, when he looked back to her with a slight start. Quickly letting go, she turned and left, shutting the door gently behind her. Once outside, she let out a shuddering breath and began the walk back to her rooms, intent on spending the evening alone with her thoughts. Once inside, she sat quietly, contemplating all that had happened. She had not been upset that he took her diary. It had afforded her a most treasured opportunity. She knew now, that in time, they would discover what answers they could, but the process would not be immediate or easy. He would still be difficult, she knew, but his admission of this bond they shared catapulted them into something new. Walking to her bedside, she noticed what appeared to be a vial of something along with a note. She suspiciously glanced about the room before tearing open the parchment. She dropped her shoulders in relief upon reading it.

"For any contusions. My apologies."

SS

She uncorked the bottle and rubbed the salve onto her skin and after crawling into bed and pulling the blankets up around her, she whispered "Nox", closed her eyes, and a slow smile spread across her face as she considered his gesture.


End file.
